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Thread: Is anyone here in a non-monogamous relationship?

  1. #1

    Default Is anyone here in a non-monogamous relationship?

    So, me and my fiancee recently did Mojo Upgrade. In addition to some interesting new twists for things we already do, we also learned that we're both really interested in going non-monogamous. While we're not interested in polyamory, we're both really interested in bringing other people into the bedroom and we're going to try out swinging sometime. Any ADISC'ers ever do anything like this, in any capacity? What was it like for you?

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  3. #3


    i have and it isn't worth the drama!

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    I'm not personally in an open relationship, and I'm far too possessive to ever be in a healthy one. But here are two lovely blog posts by Effing Dykes here and here She's a really cool blogger and if I could I'd force everyone who wants to be in any sort of an open relationship to read those before continuing :p

  5. #5


    My partner and I have been non-monogamous for over two years. It's worked out great.

    Our non-monogamy is mainly about separate outside adventures, rather than threesomes or swinging. Each of us has some kinks that the other one can't fully indulge. Having each others' permission to play with other people occasionally keeps either of us from resenting the other for preventing an important desire from being satisfied.

    I think it's important to negotiate some ground rules for physical and emotional safety. Initially, we agreed that we were not going to have actual intercourse with third parties, for the sake of avoiding STDs, especially HIV. We've since relaxed that rule, and protected sex with others is allowed. (We also practice safer sex with each other.)

    Emotional safety is a bit more complicated. When we started talking about opening up the relationship, I was worried about one of us becoming emotionally attached to a regular play partner, and that person becoming a threat to the relationship. So we agreed on this rule: either of us is free to play with a third party up to three times without seeking the other person's specific permission. If either of us wants to play with someone else more than three times, we need to have a conversation about it.

    We also agreed that it's important not to conceal our outside activities from each other. We have different preferences about how we want to be told. He doesn't mind hearing about my outside adventures over the phone, but I prefer only to hear about my partner's outside adventures in person. When we were long distance, this meant that he might have to keep quiet about something for a couple of weeks.

    As it turns out, neither of us has actually ended up playing with a third party very often. It's almost accurate to say that we're open in theory but not in practice. But having the option has been important to us, and I think the negotiations were good for our relationship. And we've both had a bit of good fun.

    We did have one threesome. It was awesome. I don't think threesomes are easy to arrange, though. Both partners need to be attracted to the third person, and the third person has to be attracted to both partners, and everyone has to be on roughly the same page about what activities could be on the menu.

  6. #6


    I've never been in a relationship but i could never fathom an open relationship.
    I have self-esteem issues and they don't mix well

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    I totally had a conversation like this with a friend yesterday, asking if there was any term for people who are in a mutual 3-sided relationship. Weird.

    But not that I know of..

  8. #8


    I was going to skip this, but I can't stop thinking about it. There is so many answers to this and it all comes down to personall preferance.

    With that said, my responce is very simple and I have had this thought for at least 8 years (our 9th anniversery is comming up). I have enough problems with one female screwing with my head. Plus my daughter is getting old enough that see is proving to be a clone of her mother and can mess with my head also. So why in the hell would I open myself up to another female messing with my mind.

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    I've been involved in a few open relationships before and they've been largely positive experiences. I have needs that my partner couldn't fulfil, and likewise my partner has needs I can't fulfil. Bringing other people into the relationship basically meant we all got what we wanted. However, you have to be careful who you bring in. I would recommend someone you trust, know a bit about and are generally friends with. Bringing in strangers is just asking for trouble. And always set boundaries, rules and guidelines. At the end of the day you are still in a committed relationship you must respect.

  10. #10


    Personally I would have to say this would be a hard limit for me. As a guy I feel like I am expected to throw myself at the opportunity to enter into a threesome but I would never put myself in that position with someone I loved with all my heart aka my soulmate. I would not want anything to come between the relationship with my s/o. IMO sex is something that should be cherished and is done between two people. Honestly, the thought of bringing in different partners, sharing partners, or experimenting with someone else is a really big turnoff for me.

    - - - Updated - - -

    Quote Originally Posted by LittleMiss View Post
    I'm not personally in an open relationship, and I'm far too possessive to ever be in a healthy one. But here are two lovely blog posts by Effing Dykes here and here She's a really cool blogger and if I could I'd force everyone who wants to be in any sort of an open relationship to read those before continuing :p
    I couldn't agree with you more. I can't imagine what it would feel like to resent a partner because an important desire is not being satisfied. Understandably if it is something major like "diapers, or Water sports, or Ropes / chains" I do not understand why someone would enter into a relationship knowing these desires are not going to be fulfilled by their partner. To me it sounds a bit greedy to WANT more than everything your partner is offering to give to you. If it is a matter of teaching you should be able to work with your s/o over time and come to an understanding or COMPROMISE. I am pretty open about sexual activities and have come to realize just how kinky of a person I really am but I have always felt strongly about this topic.

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