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Thread: Integrated personality and ABDL

  1. #1

    Default Integrated personality and ABDL

    I've been doing a bit of reading and wondering.... is it possible to to be a fully integrated individual...you know, mosty have all the archetypes of psychological growth under control...and still be a regressive individual... weird? well it's got me wondering.

    Now I feel I have achieved a reasonable balance in my life....you know pretty stable, psychologically, generally happy and with a sense of purpose, a pretty nice balance between my masculine and feminine sides, I'm considerate, caring, responsible, creative, hard working, I challenge myself, I take risks, I'm inquisitive, reasonably confident but not too cocky, competent at many things physical and intellectual....blahh blah blahh...you get it...pretty well balanced... and yet I'm an ABDL.....and having accepted this as part of myself, reasonably happy with that also (operating within strict and sensible boundaries of course)

    Well what the hell am I going on about....hmmmm. You see, if I hadn't successfully breeched the developmental stages which I so wantingly revisit through regressive behavior, then how is it that I could have pulled the rest together so nicely, is it simply that I've been clever enough to patch it all together, or that perhaps I'm just delusional - lol....

    Sorry, I know I'm speaking crap, but if you have any thoughts or intelligent insights, I'd love to hear them.

    thanks

  2. #2

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    Quote Originally Posted by ozbub View Post
    I've been doing a bit of reading and wondering.... is it possible to to be a fully integrated individual...you know, mosty have all the archetypes of psychological growth under control...and still be a regressive individual... weird? well it's got me wondering.

    Now I feel I have achieved a reasonable balance in my life....you know pretty stable, psychologically, generally happy and with a sense of purpose, a pretty nice balance between my masculine and feminine sides, I'm considerate, caring, responsible, creative, hard working, I challenge myself, I take risks, I'm inquisitive, reasonably confident but not too cocky, competent at many things physical and intellectual....blahh blah blahh...you get it...pretty well balanced... and yet I'm an ABDL.....and having accepted this as part of myself, reasonably happy with that also (operating within strict and sensible boundaries of course)

    Well what the hell am I going on about....hmmmm. You see, if I hadn't successfully breeched the developmental stages which I so wantingly revisit through regressive behavior, then how is it that I could have pulled the rest together so nicely, is it simply that I've been clever enough to patch it all together, or that perhaps I'm just delusional - lol....

    Sorry, I know I'm speaking crap, but if you have any thoughts or intelligent insights, I'd love to hear them.

    thanks
    i must admit that i know little or nothing about the concept of the integrated-personality as you are describing it. but i do have a bit of experience with "self-actualization" and Maslow's "hierarchy of needs"..... a life path that i have found personally rewarding, if not imminently functional.
    Self-actualization - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

    Characteristics of a Self-Actualizing Person

  3. #3

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    Maybe the issue then is with your underlying hypothesis that being ABDL indicates a psychological problem. Does it have to be its own mental health issue? I think in some people it could possibly be, but others are just ABDL without need of bypassing a developmental stage, or without being in a state of arrested development.

    I mean, do you have to be a mature and reasonable person *despite* your ABDL-ness? Where sexual fetishes cross psychological boundaries lies in the area where people hurt or kill others for sexual gratification. Just having a predilection for wearing diapers or using a pacifier doesn't really instantly suggest a clear and present mental health situation to me. Of course ABDLs can have our mental health problems, but I don't see evidence of a correlation at this time. I'm not even certain there's evidence that ABDL's have bypassed or failed to incorporate some part of development. So perhaps your conclusions on the *why* of your ABDL-hood could be inaccurate? Is it your suggestion, perhaps, that all sexual fetishes are deviations of the psyche? If it's just ABDL, then why that one in particular instead of a different rare fetish?

    Sometimes I think the problem with this is in our society at large. We do not treat children equally, and we shun and/or mock adults who act childlike. Even children get told to grow up. I was told this at various ages, even as young as around eight years old. A little girl whose mom I knew was laughed out of her *kindergarten* class for wearing a Dora The Explorer tee-shirt. The other five-year-olds told her that Dora was for babies. So even then, children are keenly aware that the only people valued in our society right now are adults. They take it to heart. Most children fantasize about being an adult. They dream about the day they'll have equal rights. We have outlawed the corporal punishment of inmates in our jails, but we have not outlawed the corporal punishment of children. It is illegal to beat a convicted murderer, and legal to beat a child. Keep that in mind. In societies where they have outlawed all corporal punishment, if you look back, children were the last to be rescued.

    So what is inherently wrong (aside from ideology) with regressing from time to time? Let's assume that this is controlled and has a time and a place, as is the case with most ABDL's. In the case where it is uncontrolled, that is its own mental health concern.

    I think you can be a mature, well-rounded, logical, happy person, and purposeful bouts of regression are just a part of you.

  4. #4

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    I don't know, but my "inner child" feels like the real me. When I get uncomfortable in a social group where I don't know anyone or feel joy and love as I hug my best friends, the emotional response comes from the child-side of me. The "adult me" is just a suit of armour (psychological defence mechanisms) to protect the "child me" from emotional danger/harm in the big bad world at large.

    So, although I believe it's important to integrate the two sides of me, so the adult can look after the child and the child can understand the needs of the adult... in a sense I am only the child... and the only way to keep that child "pure and innocent" is to maintain the split.

    The important step for me was in fully accepting the "child me". I have always found emotions painful and irrational... things to be suppressed and avoided at all costs... But I now realise that it's the "child me" that is emotional and that by refusing to acknowledge the emotions, my "inner child" felt like it was being ignored and split further from the adult. My adult side didn't want the "real me" (my child side) to experience emotions, while the child side wanted nothing to do with adult logic and just wanted to be heard.

    Also, I think that if this kind of "split" occurs that causes us to "get stuck" at or regress to a particular age, we are re-visiting that age as a kind of coping mechanism -- either as a way to escape the present or to "have a second chance" at living through the age where we got stuck in the hope that we can progress this time round. In using such a coping mechanism, I wonder if we learn to enjoy the regression simply for what it is, so that even after we have become "unstuck", the familiarity of regression remains appealing.

    Kind of like... if someone close to me dies I might start drinking alcohol to ease the pain of grief. A few years later, I might have overcome that grief, but because I "know" that alcohol makes me feel "better" I still drink out of habit. I wonder if AB/DL urges are in some way "learnt addictions" that can persist even after the psychological causes of AB/DL-ness have been resolved...?

    (Wow... I'm rambling and I've got to go out so I can't even re-read what I've written! I hope it makes some kind of sense...)

  5. #5

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    Quote Originally Posted by tiny View Post
    Kind of like... if someone close to me dies I might start drinking alcohol to ease the pain of grief. A few years later, I might have overcome that grief, but because I "know" that alcohol makes me feel "better" I still drink out of habit. I wonder if AB/DL urges are in some way "learnt addictions" that can persist even after the psychological causes of AB/DL-ness have been resolved...?

    (Wow... I'm rambling and I've got to go out so I can't even re-read what I've written! I hope it makes some kind of sense...)
    That's kinda interesting and makes sense from a certain point.... so a diaper or regression addiction, sort of.
    While I know, that there are some rare cases, where people tend to do strange stuff after something bad that happened to them, i.e. a trauma;
    As an example some victims from sexual abuse started to wear diapers as a kind of protection....So I don't know to be honest, but I surely think it's possible.
    But i don't think this would count as a typical addiction type of coping. You're evolving this part of you, figuratively speaking, so in the end it's simply "you".

    And in perspective from psychotherapy etc, it's not something you can be "cleaned" of and as far as I know most are helping you to accept this part of you, unlike a drug addiction or something else :p.
    But they would help you to solve your trauma, so if maybe you don't want to regress in the end is another thing ;)



    Quote Originally Posted by ozbub View Post
    I've been doing a bit of reading and wondering.... is it possible to to be a fully integrated individual...you know, mosty have all the archetypes of psychological growth under control...and still be a regressive individual... weird? well it's got me wondering.
    A fully integrated individual.... oh so we're trying to be a productive member of society... sounds this way ;)
    I mean, surely this fits together, why shouldn't it? As long as we know our boundaries and this goes for everyone, not only ab/dl's.
    Since most people are just acting, there not showing you who they really are. We (nearly) all want to be somehow an integrated individual, so we're putting on masks for different scenarios.

    In the end you've been clever enough to patch it all together. And that's a good thing.

  6. #6

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    Tiny and daLira, it's interesting, and no revalation to most, but I do feel like the 'little person' is a separate entity, coexisting within me...when it's there...boy is it there, but when it's not....well it retreats a long way back. Sometimes I almost feel as though I am walking hand in hand with it, each part sharing an equal portion of the playing field. So while I don't feel that I am little, masked by an adult persona, I do acknowledge a duality which I guess I just manage reasonably successfully. My musings were more a response to archetypal behaviors which apparently if not resolved in the adult can result in maladjusted immature behaviors. I thought it interesting to ponder the similarities or differences between immature behavior (throwing Pratt like tantrums...being unreasonably demanding, or pathetic etc - generally a sign of one who has not integrated these instinctive behaviors into their mature selves) and the desire/need to regress... I guess I wondered how the two correlate...or if in fact they are vastly separate entities. Drawing on my own experience, I am tending to see them as separate, the adult me, being quite 'together' generally, and the little me, being well, little emotionally. The integration I am referring to is not between these two entities, but of characteristics within my adult self, only.....if that makes sense...

  7. #7

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    Very interesting idea! My impressions of AB desires, both in myself and in reading the stories of others, was that they often resulted from some sort of trauma or abnormal experience. I have (tentatively) traced back my own AB/LG feelings to leftover emotion from being bullied as a child and resulting trouble with expressing feelings, for example. And lots of others have talked about unresolved problems as children. But maybe it doesn't always come back to trauma. Perhaps some people simply have a special way of connecting to the beautiful parts of childhood/babyhood. If so, I think that's a beautiful gift. Being little can be a really special and energizing experience.

    Another thought is that perhaps being little is vestigial in some people. That is, it was needed at one point, but stuck around anyway. Perhaps some people begin regressing to deal with a difficult incident. Then at some point they deal with the incident and are healed emotionally, but the desire to regress remains. So a person becomes fully integrated, but the AB side remains, a vestige of when things weren't so great. If only we could get someone to do some legit research on this.

    Overall, I think it's possible to strike a balance but still be AB/DL. Think about it: a healthy person may enjoy skating, playing violin, taking part in Renaissance fairs...so why not being a baby, too? It's different, but it's not harmful if appropriate boundaries are maintained. I think you can be a very integrated, mentally healthy individual and still be an AB/DL. It's just something you like. Nothing wrong with that!

  8. #8

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    I would argue that it's habitual and thus repetitive. Of course, everyone is different, but in my case, even if I don't want to wear, there are times I am compelled to want and wear diapers in much the same way as when I was a teenager, when both the hormones and diaper desires were raging. This still happens to me. In fact, last night I had two back to back dreams where I had received white, tape on disposables. Clearly my subconscious mind is dictating the terms.

    But at other times, I simply know I want to wear, even though I might not be feeling that great, sexually stimulated urge. The interesting thing is this, that once I put the diaper on, I am also "turned on" to the desire once again. I know I sometimes wear out of routine, but it's still a turn on, all those deep seeded psychological reasons and stimuli coming into play.

    I also think it's either a mistake or erroneous to think about wearing diapers, and not, as having two identities, almost having two personalities, as that in its extreme, suggest your were schizophrenic. Regression can be nothing more than pretending to be something else, but I believe regression goes beyond pretending. I think it's more psychologically driven, fulfilling some hidden psychological need. Now if we really knew what that need was, we would be able to unlock the mystery of why we are driven to wear.

  9. #9
    Countdown

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    I am not so sure that it is habitual. If it were habitual, then I wonder how the binge/purge cycle fits in to this. One would assume that there would be a constant, non-fluctuating desire to "play baby," but a lot of people are afflicted by a binge/purge cycle that doesn't seem to occur in other habits (the only one that comes to mind is eating disorders, but I don't think they're an apt comparison with infantilism). Additionally, if it were habitual, wouldn't it be easier to quit? Although it's difficult to quit other habits (smoking, for example), it can be done. I have never heard of someone who successfully quit infantilism.

    I don't doubt that there is something wrong with us, and by us, I mean those who like to wear diapers and/or play baby. I think there is some sort of underlying compulsive mechanism that is triggered by stress and that probably has some neurological underpinnings (as an analogy, the part of the brain that deals with sexual gratification is located very close to the part of the brain that processes sensation in the feet, and it's been suggested that this is a cause of foot fetishism, which is a very common fetish).

    In regard to being a fully integrated individual, although I consider infantilism abnormal and potentially pathological, I can't fathom that it defines a whole person. I know that many people on this site identify 100% with their "little selves," but I've never been able to understand that. Does that mean that you're adult self is fraudulent? How did you come to this conclusion; why isn't it the other way around, where the little self is fraudulent and the adult self is the self? Since the vast majority of members of society identify as adults and not as small children, I'd argue that it's more likely that the little self is fraudulent. That tangent aside, I think that for people who utilize infantilism as a "hobby" (as opposed to a lifestyle), it's very possible for them to be healthy individuals (the infantilism is just one abnormal part of them, and who doesn't have something that could be considered abnormal?). I don't mean any offense by this, but I would question whether a lifestyle/identity AB/DL (someone who believes their identity is a baby and that their adult self is fraudulent) could be considered a fully functioning individual.

  10. #10

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    Quote Originally Posted by ozbub View Post
    Tiny and daLira, it's interesting, and no revalation to most, but I do feel like the 'little person' is a separate entity, coexisting within me...when it's there...boy is it there, but when it's not....well it retreats a long way back. Sometimes I almost feel as though I am walking hand in hand with it, each part sharing an equal portion of the playing field. So while I don't feel that I am little, masked by an adult persona, I do acknowledge a duality which I guess I just manage reasonably successfully. My musings were more a response to archetypal behaviors which apparently if not resolved in the adult can result in maladjusted immature behaviors. I thought it interesting to ponder the similarities or differences between immature behavior (throwing Pratt like tantrums...being unreasonably demanding, or pathetic etc - generally a sign of one who has not integrated these instinctive behaviors into their mature selves) and the desire/need to regress... I guess I wondered how the two correlate...or if in fact they are vastly separate entities. Drawing on my own experience, I am tending to see them as separate, the adult me, being quite 'together' generally, and the little me, being well, little emotionally. The integration I am referring to is not between these two entities, but of characteristics within my adult self, only.....if that makes sense...
    (giving this another stab)
    listening to this ongoing discussion helps me to sharpen the focus on what exactly is being referred to as the integrated-personality....

    it seems that this is more a "process" than a "goal" as i compare what is said here and my reading online. not unlike sailing the vast Pacific Ocean without chart, compass, sight-reduction tables or sextant; regardless of the distance sailed each day, the next morning one is likely greeted with the same wave-tossed horizon....
    ie. that maybe no matter how much a person "integrates", there is no end as there does not seem to be a road-map to the goal....

    it would seem to me that with no definable end to the process, there can be no clear fix, cure or fully-integrated anything.... how would one measure or "scale" ones process if the end of said process just kept stretching out into the future.... possibly forever.

    if you can't tell, i am goal oriented... achieve and move on. though i understand that is not for everyone.

    getting back to your question, ozbub;
    i have a little/little's.... and mine are fully separate from "me" the adult.... i would have it no other way. i like what my little/little's bring to me and my life. they help me see things from more then just one point of view; experience life from more then just one side; see and understand and respond to folks with more then just my feelings and empathy alone...... are my little/little's anything like your little-side or self, i don't know. i can only tell you about myself and try and make some small comparisons in an effort to help.

    i am not an artist per se... i am a boat-builder and a navigator. the boat-building part did require a good deal of intrinsic grace and natural flow as i built in wood... and undersea navigation 35 years ago was pretty much an art-form in it's own right. however my point here is that creative people (of which i understand you are) tend to have, shell we say, many faceted personalities.... i have had several good friends who were very creative, multifaceted folks. maybe that it what helps them to be creative in some small way..... they were certainly more interesting, diverse and socially-conscious than the average joe. and i very much appreciate them for who they are and their unique diversity....

    i honestly suspect there are more then a few folks here that share some of these characteristics in a good and creative way.....

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