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Thread: Im sad

  1. #1

    Default Im sad

    So heres whats going on right now. Last week I told my gf about my "secret" (that im abdl). She seemed to understand everything and wasnt bothered by it. However she wasnt completely supportive of it. For example, she said that she doesnt want me to do my "baby stuff" and involve her in it, meaning i cant like touch her or snuggle up on her. For me I can already tell this is gonna suck. I want to indulge my abdl life and its drawing me into it so bad but I also dont want to upset my girlfriend and make her weird or anything. We love each other very very much and we want to marry each other but I dont know how this is going to work out if at all. I want her to baby me at least a little bit but im pretty sure shes kinda made it clear its not gonna happen. She says she wants me to feel like her "man". I can understand where shes coming from and I do provide for her and am really an amazing boyfriend.

    Perhaps im just taking things too fast? A few days after I told her all I bought was a pacifier. I want to buy some diapers but I havent even told her I want to do that yet because im just afraid that she will get upset or something. The reason why I dont think she likes the idea of me acting like a baby is because I asked her if she ever thinks about my baby side. she said no which kinda bothered me. After I told her she didnt even ask me questions or wanted to make me happy I guess by just going along with my role playing. She never asked if she can get involved or was even curious to maybe try it out. The reason why im sad is because I want her to be my "mommy" and all but the vibe she gives off makes me uncomfortable to even be a baby around her. Which so far has really only been sucking on a pacifier. I dont know how to move forward or what to do since I know she doesnt really want anything to do with it even though shes ok if I do it by myself. One of my options was to just continue doing my baby thing and have patience that it will get better and she may want to participate. Another thing I thought about was to go to a counseler together and maybe tell the counseler that I would feel better if my gf would participate and have the counseler tell her that without me in the room. Maybe she will then give it a shot. Im just scared that our relationship will end because of this and it really hasnt even started. We have been together for 2 years and have been living together for like 1. I dont think I told too late in the relationship because I told her im sorry it took so long for me to tell her but she was understanding and supportive in the mentoring way but not physically. I hope everyone can help me out here, im like on the edge, please give me some advice. Thank you.

  2. #2


    Hi Dommy,

    That's a tough situation, and lots of us have been there. I'm sorry you're going through such doubt. But props to you for having the guts to talk to your girlfriend - it's not easy, and it takes real courage!

    One important thing to remember is that for her, this is all very new. I doubt your girlfriend has even heard of ABDL before- or if she has, it's probably from some joke on TV or the internet. We're pretty uncommon, after all. So this is something that's very new to her, and something she hasn't really had time to think about yet. And unfortunately, people's first reactions towards ABDL are often quite negative. They may think of it as a refusal to grow up and take on responsibility , which it sounds like your girlfriend may be doing. Right now, it sounds like your girlfriend is having some negative first impressions, and it may take some time before she changes her mind, if she does. One way to look at it is to think of some sort of fetish or kink that isn't dangerous, but you personally find a little weird or gross. If your girlfriend told you she was into that, you'd be a little hesitant to take part, although you may come around later. I think she's in that stage right now.

    Don't be surprised that she isn't thinking about getting involved right away. If she had a negative first impression, she may just want it to go away right now. So I wouldn't push her to participate just yet. I don't think she'll want to, and I don't think you want to force her. Instead of persuading her to take part, try to take care of her doubts. Gently, without trying to get her to take part, ask why she has bad feelings about you being an AB. Find out where her doubts come from, and try to work through them together. Any time there's disagreement in a relationship, it helps to understand where your partner's doubts come from and try to resolve them together. If she's grossed out by it, give her time to process the idea. If she thinks it means you want to be a baby all the time, be clear about what you have in mind. Clarity is the goal here, for both of you.

    I should also warn you: she may never want to take part. It may simply be too far outside her comfort zone. And I hope that doesn't happen, but if that is the case you need to consider where that leaves you. Are you OK with playing baby by yourself even if she doesn't want to? At the minimum, she should continue to love and accept you even if you're an AB. The most important thing is not a shared interest, but mutual love and respect. I personally wouldn't need a girlfriend or wife to baby me as long as I knew she accepted me, but I would absolutely need that acceptance and the knowledge that she loved and respected me. And you need to decide what you need, so you can be really clear with her.

    Overall, I think the best thing you guys can do is talk it out and figure out what each other thinks. You sound like you really care for this girl, and I'm pulling for you guys. Just take it slow and try to understand her feelings. That'll help you be sensitive to what she needs, and will help you see what to do next. It's tough, but I know you can do it. Best of luck, and feel free to ask if you have more questions!


    P.S. Some helpful resources for your girlfriend might include the Articles section on this website, or BitterGrey's page (Understanding Infantilism), which was very helpful to me when I was working out my AB side.

  3. #3


    The good news is, you've been in a relationship for two years and you have good communication. The bad news, as I see it, is she's sending you a message that she doesn't want to play in a children's world since she says she wants a "man". It's a very touchy situation right now and you need to tread lightly. Adventurer has some good advice. I also know that communication is the key to a long relationship so keep talking to her. Unfortunately, this might be an issue that she might not be willing to negotiate. Good luck!

  4. #4


    Hi Dommy.
    Indeed, this is a situation a great number of us have found ourselves in. We get the courage to tell our partner, let it all out, and are left hanging, or even worse, get shot down. Now, in your case it at least seems that she didn't freak out, which is good for you. I have read stories here and other places where significant others have been told and they have lost it, threatening to leave/divorce etc. if it doesn't stop. Sounds like you might be able to get away with at least doing it a bit alone, which I realize is not what you would really want...but it might be better than nothing..?

    I think you really need to put yourself in her shoes. Sounds to me like she is looking for a man's man, who will take care of her, and really make her feel safe and protected. That will always be hard for her to get when you are sucking on a paci, and possibly wearing a diaper...

    As mentioned by Adventurer above though, talk about it. Lay all the facts on the table. Tell her you just want to experience this from time to time, to help you relax, and promise her that most of the time you will leave this side of you in the background and be her man! Also ask her if she has anything she would like to try with you. Show interest in her needs... Perhaps she has some secret things she wants to try?

    Then... After everything, and depending on the outcome of the talks, you need to make a decision. Is being babied by a mommy going to make your life happier? If so, you might need to find a new mommy GF. If the love you two have is stronger (which I hope it is) then just take your time, and see if she warms to it. Do not keep bringing it up though, you could scare her off, and when you need some ABDL time, do it when you are alone.

    Wishing you both alll the best!

  5. #5


    Thank you guys for your support, I really appreciate it very much. I guess I'll keep everyone posted about the outcome.

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