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Thread: Do you believe it can be too late to tell a partner?

  1. #1

    Question Do you believe it can be too late to tell a partner?

    Hi guys, I've been mulling this over for a while and just wanted to get others ideas on the subject. I'll give a little back story in case it's needed:

    My girlfriend and I have been together for nearly four years now, we've been together since we were 15 and still in a strong, loving relationship. We're at separate universities (around a 3 hour drive apart) but still manage to see each other every two weeks or so. I've been into AB/DL since before the relationship began but am more comfortable with my DL side and rarely do anything considered AB.

    I ask that do you think that too much time has passed and I should have opened up to her before now? The thought worries me, but also I feel I could live with it being completely separate from our relationship if needs be. I'm honestly just looking for some advice from anyone that thinks they can help. If any more information is needed just ask .

    Ginger.

  2. #2

    Default

    I would indirectly ask her how she feels about those kinds of things before telling her.. Telling her you saw a documentary, or choose another way of introducing the subject, and find out of she might be able to (if not understand) accept that side of you.

    Or.. since she's our girlfriend, bring up the subject of fetishes.. And.. Ask for her deepest darkest strangest fetish/kinky dream. And then share yours

    I don't think its too late to introduce it. It's never too late. But.. I wouldn't recommend telling her that you've been doing it behind her back.. that never gives a good impression.

  3. #3

    Default

    Four years is a long time so I would think it's pretty risky to tell. She could think you lied to her because you waited too long to tell her. But everyone is different. Some take it well when you tell them years later or when they find out on their own.

  4. #4

    Default

    I really don't believe it's ever too late to be honest with someone you love. if she loves you, then she will appreciate the difficulty you have had in sharing this with her. You really do need to asertain the strength of your relationship though, as this could place a significant strain on it....can it withstand it? if so then this girls a keeper for sure...but if you already think she is, then consider this....she is living appart from you and does not have your immediate support...who will she turn to or lean on for that in your absence, probably no one especially if you swear to secrecy.

    Honestly, if you truly believe that knowledge of your DL side would cause a break in the relationship, then it's probably best not to tell her... however if the opposite is true, then consider waiting for a more appropriate time. I don't know the specific nature of your desires, whether it is simply a fetish, or something more deeply rooted, ie a psychological coping mechanism, how often you indulge, how far you go etc....these of course are questions for you, and I don't need to know, but weigh these up with the current state of your relationship....you may be over indulging this through your absence from from your girlfriend for example.

    Please weigh all of these things up before telling your girlfriend...consider her fragility and the impact this will have on her life right now...how it will affect her happiness, her studies etc. If you guys are meant to be....it will work regardless of when you tell her.

    I told my partner after a number of years of being together, but as we were living together and had each others immediate loving support, it certainly made dealing with the inevitable aftermath that follows, questions, lenghty discussions etc, so much easier to cope with.

    Good luck, youve got plenty to consider....

  5. #5

    Default

    When is it too late to tell? After you've been discovered. At that point, all you can do is explain. You're definitely late to the party but you can still tell while it's your thing to tell rather than having some accidental discovery.

  6. #6
    professorbock

    Default

    Hi, Ginger. Thank you for your courage and positivity. Many a young couple may have issues regarding integrating the ABDL lifestyle into weekly, or even daily living. Few couples can evolve their relationship positively, but in your case I think you and her can do this right.

    While I don't know the personality of you or your female confidant, the decision is ultimately up to you.

    I will say this though, I have a friend who lives in Florida and waited longer to reveal every last thing.

    And it backfired with the blatant ABDL display and ultimatum. And he's had to hide his desires for years now, and slowly lost his sanity. Every day, all day, he thinks about practicing the ABDL culture, but if his woman were ever to see him in a diaper again, she'd freak out, destroy the house like last time and leave for good.

    I don't think your case would be as extreme. However, the last thing you want to do is create an atmosphere of, "Here I am, this is what I do, and either join me or die," or "Oh God, now I have to tip-toe forever around her and deny myself the ultimate happiness."

    Honestly, your relationship sounds like one built out of good and bad times, out of trust, tolerance, love and acceptance. If this wasn't true, then it would've been over in the usual two to six months most relationships your age run, or after the first few huge fights.

    So, now is the perfect time (this is not a coincidence that the topic's reached its peak of curiosity and anxiety in your mind) to ease a new transition into your life.

    Discuss this lifestyle, but don't call it a secret, because in a woman's mind that can falsely denote habits of betrayal like hiding and lying.

    Rather, focus on how you can present yourself in a positive way, mentioning first this other "hobby" of yours over the course of a few weeks.

    Above all, don't be blatant and sit on the couch wearing your diaper, holding your teddy bear and bottle of milk. Not yet at least.

    Now, here comes the tipping point and moment of truth to see if she is, in fact, your dedicated spouse and your soul mate. I call it the "is she marriage material" test.

    In this situation, you may wish to warm up to her likes and intimate desires, and shift the conversation into what you can do, how it benefits you and her for closer bonding, and how appreciated she'd be if she participated.

    BUT, the key element here in conversation is to state calmly and logically why such items and such events in your childhood long ago created such emotional connections and impact in your life. You've shared each others' lives to a certain degree, and now there's more to share.

    The next step after this is to not just involve your partner, but get her to emotionally connect with her childhood, too, and her favorite moments she can relate to. Maybe it's Yoshi on Super Nintendo, or hugging her favorite stuffed animal while hiding in her parents' closet at home.

    Level the playing field more often so to speak, mentally.

    Then...back off for a week and bring the second part of the conversation up: Your emotional connection, showing the equipment, and having a natural sense of humor.

    Be lighthearted of course. Talk about your cute things, teddy bears, blankets, pacifiers. At the last sentence of each item, provide a rational reason why. But stay confident and don't look weak or whiny. It is what it is.

    Above all, be assertive, but not dominating, and show a great sense of passion. Make this a fresh challenge to her mind, but don't bombard her with facts and all the history in one day.

    You want to string out her sense of curiosity just enough to keep her digging.

    And by the third or fourth week, put that diaper on, extra bulky, with that cute t-shirt, ham it up with a teddy bear. And finally get her to participate. Maybe start off with a hug. Then maybe have her feed you a bottle leaning against the couch and burping you or something. SMILE for God's sake.

    That's correct. It's impact week for you both. Just appreciate her love and show her your appreciation in known ways that will make her bond closer with you. And show your love for what makes you happy as well.

    And remember to have fun.

    If she is flexible and adaptable in her personality, she will accept your challenge to meet your needs, thereby keeping up and feeling wanted..

    If not, you will know if you're being stonewalled, and will eventually figure out if you've been fed some bull to hide a negative reaction.

    This may be a huge step in your life, but this can turn out to be the most positive next step as well. After all, if you're going to fly a plane to a new town, you have to go all the way to arrive.

    Always see if you can find her loving-humorous and compassionate side. Then work up from there to connect your heart and mind. (Oh, and the sexual things can come at a later time, unless she is naturally curious like that.)

    Best wishes, Ginger!
    Last edited by professorbock; 11-Apr-2013 at 23:50.

  7. #7

    Default

    Ginger

    I am sure that the situation is different for everyone. In my case I was tearing my self apart mentally over it. It came out in an unexpected maner and my wife was understanding. It is going to be very uncomfartable, but if she realy loves you she will listen.

    The thing that I did use was BabyMitchy's video on youtube "understanding Infantilism/ being an adult baby" that helped.

    Good luck

  8. #8

    Default

    I think you were right about hiding it until you were out of the drama machine that was high school. But since you are both out you should probably break the news sooner than later.

  9. #9

    Default



    Quote Originally Posted by Ginger View Post
    Hi guys, I've been mulling this over for a while and just wanted to get others ideas on the subject. I'll give a little back story in case it's needed:

    My girlfriend and I have been together for nearly four years now, we've been together since we were 15 and still in a strong, loving relationship. We're at separate universities (around a 3 hour drive apart) but still manage to see each other every two weeks or so. I've been into AB/DL since before the relationship began but am more comfortable with my DL side and rarely do anything considered AB.

    I ask that do you think that too much time has passed and I should have opened up to her before now? The thought worries me, but also I feel I could live with it being completely separate from our relationship if needs be. I'm honestly just looking for some advice from anyone that thinks they can help. If any more information is needed just ask .

    Ginger.
    Maturity will be a big factor I would say... Her emotional maturity, whether she's pragmatic, etc. These are all factors I would consider...
    From my perspective, 4 years is not all that long. But I think only you will know her well enough to make the call. I certainly don't think it should be kept from her indefinitely. Sorry I can't be more helpful. I don't really know how much else anyone can say without knowing either of you better!

    You're 19 right? Do you know for sure that you wanna stay with this person (I don't think I could answer that question had I been in your situation when I was 19)? Maybe this stage in your relationship isn't a good time to broach this subject. See how you ride out your college years and then take it from there...

    at 19, I was in a crumby relationship which I broke off when I went to uni after we'd been together for nearly 2 years... A lot can happen in a short time.

  10. #10

    Default

    Thanks everyone for replies and attention, it definitely gave me something to think about. I feel as though I may have been feeling selfish when I posted because Ozbub's post made me realise that I hadn't been considering my partners feelings and how it might affect her.

    She's a strong person, mature and loves the bones off me. I already know that this relationship will last for a lot longer, and being at university has made me realise this. I personally think after reading all the replies that if I do choose to tell her it will be in the summer when we're both at home and able to comfort each other properly.

    I strongly believe that she will at least hear me out on the subject because she loves me that much. Whether or not she'll accept it or even like it is another matter seeing as though she has five nieces and nephews (the youngest being two, the oldest 9).

    In reply to Vossi, we have had a small chat about fetishes, but admittedly it was me asking if there was anything that she liked in particular, rather than a mutual thing.

    Thanks again for the support, I'll update you all if anything changes, but I think for now our university work is too intense to bring up something this big without the immediate support of each other.

    Ginger.

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