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Thread: Telling my counselor

  1. #1

    Default Telling my counselor

    I got burned pretty badly by an old counselor I used to see when I told him about my ABDL side. When I told him he started looking really uncomfortable and started rubbing his hands across the top of both legs. Then he told me I should find other non-weird ways to self soothe. It hurt my feelings so badly that I eventually switched counselors. Plus my ex-girlfriend didn't really like my ABDL side even though she never quite admitted it.

    I now have a new counselor, a female, and I need to work through some of my struggles with my ABDL side. I'm just so damn scared to say anything to her because of my old counselor. I just don't know how to get over it and I really need to work through things with her but I just can't get myself to do it. I'm so afraid the same thing is going to happen with her.

    Any words of wisdom?

  2. #2


    try to find ways to drop hints and se how she reacts. think of some other off the wall things you could mention nonchalantly. you could mention: sometimes I get stressed out and wonder what it would be like if I could wave a magic wand and be little you think that is wrong? if she is non judgemental she will respond in a positive way.

    I have a counselor I just started with. my desires might get brought up as part of me dealing with Foster care and past abuse issues. if they are I already know she will handle it with grace poise understanding and professionalism.

    one last thing. if you do mention it, make sure you make it clear that you don't see this as a sickness but a positive thing. that this isn't something you want fixed...unless you do feel its a problem.

    for me abdl and ageplay developed as a coping mechanism at a very young age to deal with incontinence having to wear diapers and the deal with abuse and other bad things that happened to me in Foster care. being who I am is a positive thing for me. to that point that is what ill explain.

    good luck.

  3. #3


    I just don't think I can do it. My self esteem seems to really fluctuate and it helps if I've got more self esteem when I tell my counselor. You know it's really odd how normal it seems from the inside to wear a diaper and hug my plushy when I go to bed and feel comforted like a baby, but seeing this documentary about an AB, seeing someone from the outside the whole thing just seems completely not normal. I just can't imagine how people think of AB's. I don't want people to think negatively of me if I tell them about my ABDL side. I don't know if that makes sense. I've really got to work on this whole thing. My ex and my old counselor really did get to me.

  4. #4


    its because we aren't normal LOL. what we do is strange to people. even with some one like me who has to wear, I'm not supposed to like it. I'm supposed to be ashamed and embarrassed. it, however doesn't help when the people who do the shows, aren't mature and respectfully reserved about it.

    on another note, I totally understand needing the courage to tell your counselor. just remember you don't have to tell her and shouldn't till you are ready.

    try this: I know I really need to tell you something about me that is embarrassing. I'm not sure how I can bring my self to mention it to you. she might say. Ok well tell me when your ready. or she might say: please don't worry about offending my sensibilities or shocking me. I have heard it all. I will never judge you. we all have quirks. we all have skeletons. if it helps ill tell you something embarrassing about me....

  5. #5


    It was hard for me to tell as well, even though I'm quite good with words. You're speaking about something VERY personal here. But in the end, you're only holding yourself back. If you don't talk, you cannot help yourself and your therapist cannot help you.
    Therapists are not allowed to talk to anybody about anything you say in a session unless you give permission - or unless you tell about something that concerns your very life or that of others.

    Take the chance, go for it.

  6. #6


    i told my counsler when i was 19 and she was like well thats your choice she would bring up it every session. and ask me how it was going i would see her once a month. she would do it just to mainly break the ice and get teh ball rolling plus i think she was rather interested sense she had never heard of it

    i actually dropped it to her by saying this

    i am going to tell you some thing that may sound strange and may be something you have never heard of.
    it may also help to go look up some stuff about this be for possibly talking about it so we dont get off on the wrong foot

    and after that my therapist got along great with me

  7. #7

    Default Re: Telling my counselor

    Go ahead and tell this counsellor. The other one is a naive douche, and has no business telling you not to do something that is harmless. I don't blame you for being gun shy, but have confidence the other one won't judge.

  8. #8


    I told my therapist about my AB side fairly recently so I think I may be able to offer some advice here. I know that the prospect of telling anyone is often unnerving, just keep in mind that someone like a counselor is supposed to be constructive and non-judgmental. Try to at least look confident, although it might be easier said than done it makes them less likely to see it as a negative thing. I led in my therapist by asking him whether he was familiar with alternative relationships, that can help you know how they'll respond ahead of time.

    Since you used the term "self soothe", or at least your ex-counselor did I'm assuming that it's a coping mechanism for you. Before hand think about what you gain from it, whether it be an escape from your day-to-day stresses, a way of temporarily ignoring another issue that can't be fixed now, etc. If they're a good counselor they'll be looking to see whether you are doing this in a healthy manner, as in whether you feel ashamed of it, whether you're using it to ignore obligations, or whether you're doing it to avoid an issue.

    Also, be prepared to provide information and sources, they're more likely to look at sources you give them and less likely to go immediately to one of those sites for information. I gave mine, most of all it's a primarily academic resource, be ready to spend a large portion of your next session explaining how you fit in to it.

    I hope I managed to be of help and good luck.(nice avatar by the way)

  9. #9


    I felt the same, LittlePony. It seemed like the words just couldn't possibly leave my lips... I was too worried about how weird such behaviour might seem.

    But then, weird behaviour is pretty much a psychotherapist's speciality! The thing that your therapist knows that you don't is that every single person in the world is the freakiest batshit insane lunatic with more hangups than your phone company. It's just that everyone is so worried about "appearing normal" (as if "normal" even exists) that they hide it well.

    I told my therapist and he didn't blink (or, as I was half suspecting, run out of the room screaming in psychotherapeutic defeat). He said that it seemed like a very reassuring coping mechanism that takes me back to a time when I was safe and protected.

    Anxious people (like me) sometimes hold a part of their clothing and rub it discreetly. About half of my therapist's clients do this, apparently. On the face of it, that's "weird behaviour"... but it's reasonably subtle and the idea of rubbing your tee-shirt material between your thumb and forefinger isn't going to offend anyone. And, it's fairly easy for your average "man in the street" to understand that stroking/rubbing cloth would feel somehow calming and reassuring, or to just dismiss it as an irrelevant quirk.

    Well, to a psychotherapist who has long since got beyond the idea that there is a living soul who isn't weird, and that weirdness must, in some sense, be "bad"... wearing diapers will seem like a perfectly understandable coping mechanism for reducing anxiety.

    Of course, I'm relating this to my experience, but it would be exactly the same if wearing diapers was a sexual fetish instead of a coping mechanism...

    It certainly felt like a weight off my shoulders when I told my therapist, and it meant that I didn't feel like I was hiding anything.

    So... How did I tell him? Like you, I was terrified of saying something like that out loud. At first I explained that sometimes I feel like a little kid inside. That's a really common experience -- as my therapist said, everyone has an "inner child" (just do a web search for "inner child" and read some of the results!)

    Then... I couldn't find the words to explain about AB/DLs... so I found some of the cutest photos from the website (showing girls in AB wear -- all-in-one snow suits, childish clothes with the model sucking a dummy, etc.) and a photo of the cute children's duvet cover that I'd just bought (the pics on my profile if you'd like a look!)

    So then, my therapist really understood what I was getting at. The only other thing to explain was that I wear diapers... and... well, I only had to hint at the idea for my therapist to be able to fill in the blanks.

    So, in a way, I managed to get the message across without actually having to say anything explicitly.

    My therapist said that it's not something I could probably eradicate from my life (to which I said that I wouldn't want to).

    He's even encouraged me to try to meet other ABs at various group outings (although I haven't done so yet). His focus seems to be on accepting this as a real part of who I am and in integrating the child-side with the adult-side, so rather than being one or the other, I can just be the "one real me" which has both adult-like and child-like aspects.

    Anyway, sorry for waffling on. I hope this helps a little bit. And I wish you the best of luck.

  10. #10


    I have never been to a therapist, so you can take this for what it's worth: this person is working for you and your well-being. If they can't help you with something that's important, it's on them and it's time to find someone else. In this sense, it's just like any other doctor, and being forthright about your problem is the best approach. I think if I did go to a therapist who had a problem with the ABDL thing, I'd be interested to listen to what they had to say about why it was harmful. I've looked at this pretty hard and while I can see potential risks (like many things driven by powerful urges), I'm pretty sure that it is not, in and of itself, damaging. If the therapist's arguments weren't persuasive to me and he or she didn't buy my counter-arguments, it would be time to find someone else.

    I completely understand that it is hard to bring this up with another person, but you need to think of it like any other relevant piece of your medical history. You're finding it relevant to your treatment, so it's relevant to the therapist.

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