Today my dad told me that he is going to kick me out. That I have until May to get my shit together.
It's hard to get my shit together. I am chronically depressed 90% of the time, anxious about every little thing 100% of the time, I have no friends here, and I can't come to terms with the fact that I'm in the life situation I am in.
I never wanted to move back home, and live with my parents. That was the last thing I imagined when I thought what my life would be like at this age. I had plans, dreams, aspirations. I am an ambitious person. It seemed like that would get me far. Instead I'm where I am. No education, or career. No one to snuggle with at night, to hug me when I cry.
I imagine people in my situation...I wonder if anyone would ever end up in a situation like this period...I imagine they would get up, decide to make the most of it, gain independance, and move the fuck out as soon as possible.
I feel like I have to settle for mediocrity, because I am unable to win. All that my life was for the past couple of years lays in shambles.
I can't see past the smoke. I just can't. I feel like all that was my identity was ripped away from me, and I didn't ever want to let go. So I held on, to what ended up being thin air.
So yeah. My dad sees me as a total loser. A parasite. I don't know where to go from here.