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Thread: My dad told me he's going to kick me out.

  1. #1

    Default My dad told me he's going to kick me out.

    Today my dad told me that he is going to kick me out. That I have until May to get my shit together.

    It's hard to get my shit together. I am chronically depressed 90% of the time, anxious about every little thing 100% of the time, I have no friends here, and I can't come to terms with the fact that I'm in the life situation I am in.

    I never wanted to move back home, and live with my parents. That was the last thing I imagined when I thought what my life would be like at this age. I had plans, dreams, aspirations. I am an ambitious person. It seemed like that would get me far. Instead I'm where I am. No education, or career. No one to snuggle with at night, to hug me when I cry.

    I imagine people in my situation...I wonder if anyone would ever end up in a situation like this period...I imagine they would get up, decide to make the most of it, gain independance, and move the fuck out as soon as possible.

    I feel like I have to settle for mediocrity, because I am unable to win. All that my life was for the past couple of years lays in shambles.

    I can't see past the smoke. I just can't. I feel like all that was my identity was ripped away from me, and I didn't ever want to let go. So I held on, to what ended up being thin air.

    So yeah. My dad sees me as a total loser. A parasite. I don't know where to go from here.

  2. #2

    Default

    I feel bad for you, I'm in a situation where I moved back home because I was told the place was falling apart without me and lately I'm starting to wonder if I should have just let it die rather than continue to be used as a financial and emotional (disposable hygiene product). What grounds does he have to turn you out? Seems odd that he would take you in to do that before you had a chance of re-establishing yourself. I imagine you've been contributing in chores if you can't help financially. What's the back story?

  3. #3

    Default

    I've been cooking, cleaning, taking the dog out, spring yard work, driving to get random errands done such as bank stuff and grocery shopping, serving my mom's clients tea and water and all that shit, and acting as a phone secretary for my mom's business, and getting my bro ready for school every morning (17, autistic), driving my dad to work when his car broke down, and tearing down the drywall in our basement for renovation. He took me in because I moved back to the country after 7 years living abroad.

    I'd say I've been contributing to chores.

  4. #4

    Default

    I guess this advice is going to be pretty generic, but I hope it helps, for what it's worth. I wish I had the experience needed to give better. Regardless, here goes:

    Stay positive. Find something to do. Despair just begets more despair. You're a smart person, I'm sure you can find a way forward; even if things are shitty now, they won't always be so. I know it's hard to think in the long-term, especially when it doesn't seem like there'll be a long term, but you just have to trust that there will be. By far the worst thing you could do is be idle - the only way to get through things like this is to keep yourself applied.

  5. #5

    Default

    I do feel for you. I've gone through periods of depression myself in the past three to four years. When you're in the midst of depression, it feels like you've been thrown into a super massive blackhole. And, dragging yourself out of it feels like an almost impossible task. Your mind wonders into negative thinking such as, "how the hell did I get here?", especially considering how fortuitous life has been thus far. But not only that, I used to torture myself with thoughts that damaged my confidence. This can in turn feel like losing parts of your personality - when actually you're really not. The list of things you notice when you're depressed is endless and having large amounts of time on your hands doesn't help either.

    But, I'm guessing you're relatively young. And, believe me when I say that everyone goes through stages like this. It's how you deal with it that will define you for the rest of your life. There's absolutely no shame in asking for help. Equally, there's no shame in carrying this weight on your shoulders and dealing with it yourself as well. Or anything in between. Everyone is different.

    I say this from experience. I moved away from home and then moved back, and suffered from a long bout of depression. Finding work in this economic climate is pretty darn difficult. Especially if you've been out of the job market for a while, or even never in the job market. Life isn't easy for our generation, like it was for our parent's. Yet they all have the same expectations that were instilled in them from a young age. Highly unfair considering, but this is the way it is for most of us. You're definitely not alone in this.

    I've learned over the years to deal with certain family members in unique ways. It's a sad state of affairs, but I don't hear half of what my Dad says these days. Sometimes I also put up a sardonic barrier of sarcasm. I love him dearly. But he is a big bundle of stress that I live with every day, week in, week out. One has to tune it out. I found that he was passing his stress on to me on a daily basis - and it was effecting my mental health quite severely. So if I were to advise anything when dealing with your parents, it would be to analyse your situation with them. Think of any mental tricks or ways you can manipulate them (in a positive manner) or situations that won't effect you quite as badly as they are currently. Manipulate is a word with loaded meaning, but the reality of it is that everyone does it to some degree anyway! Whether conscious of it or not.

    I can tell you happily that I'm out of the hole now. I'm now in the process of "building a nest" to prevent it from happening again. So I can assure it can be done! Keeping busy I've found is key. Being back in education has helped immensely. Normal sleeping patterns are also excellent. Exercise has helped as well. I am walking everywhere. But most importantly, it's been little goals I've made to myself, whether work related or not, that I have made sure I've achieved, and then most importantly rewarded myself for afterwards. And most importantly, constant vigilance once you're out.

    Most people have to learn the techniques of getting out of depression just once in their life times. Once you know how to, it's like riding a bike: you won't make the same mistakes twice.

  6. #6

  7. #7

    Default



    Quote Originally Posted by JubeyKitty View Post
    Older than you Luca
    Sorry I guessed wrong there. But I hope there's still advice in there you can use (plus I still consider myself young!).

    *hugs*

  8. #8
    professorbock

    Default

    Hi, JubeyKitty.

    Thank you for being open about your living situation. While I don't know you personally, there really isn't much I can tell you.

    I am not sure if you are seeking attention, or a pathos-based reaction or if you want genuine real-world advice.

    One thing's for sure, there must have been a logical series of events and actions that have led up to this ultimatum by your father, if that is the case.

    The only thing I can say is that you ARE your thoughts. If you feel alone, rejected, misunderstood, hopeless, guilt-ridden, confused, disrespected, and generally dumped on, part of that revolves back to...you.

    If you think you're in a hostile and unfair environment, then, based on studying the Law of Attraction, you perpetuate that reality shaped around you.

    You can change your life by changing inside, meditatively deep in the mind.

    Begin with an honest assessment of not only others, but yourself and your core values. The next step to take is the most beneficial logical step, even if it is contrary to all hard-attached beliefs.

    Then, only then, can you free yourself from your own mental bondage and begin to attract the right type of real energy around you.

    I am sorry to hear of your situation, but I have nothing else to say about this which could possibly satisfy what you desire to hear or know.

    It would be unfair for me to assume what you want.

    Best wishes.

  9. #9

    Default

    I'm sorry to hear this too. Are there agencies you can turn to? I tend to suffer from depression, especially when I'm not staying busy. I work two jobs, and have Saturday off. It's weird, but it's on Saturday that I'll feel depressed. Perhaps if you could find some sort of job, it would keep your mind occupied and perhaps it would make your dad happy, or if not happy, at least, get off you back.

    In the bigger picture, you would eventually have to find ways to become independent, because parents don't live forever. Maybe you could make a deal with your dad, asking for more time to find a job and some sort of small apartment. I understand Canada has a better economy than the U. S., so someone must be hiring. Are their two year colleges you could go to to start a career?

    I know none of those suggestions is easy, and you will have to have some family support in order to achieve them. How does your mom feel about your dad's decision?

    - - - Updated - - -

  10. #10

    Default



    Quote Originally Posted by dogboy View Post
    I'm sorry to hear this too. Are there agencies you can turn to? I tend to suffer from depression, especially when I'm not staying busy. I work two jobs, and have Saturday off. It's weird, but it's on Saturday that I'll feel depressed. Perhaps if you could find some sort of job, it would keep your mind occupied and perhaps it would make your dad happy, or if not happy, at least, get off you back.

    In the bigger picture, you would eventually have to find ways to become independent, because parents don't live forever. Maybe you could make a deal with your dad, asking for more time to find a job and some sort of small apartment. I understand Canada has a better economy than the U. S., so someone must be hiring. Are their two year colleges you could go to to start a career?

    I know none of those suggestions is easy, and you will have to have some family support in order to achieve them. How does your mom feel about your dad's decision?

    - - - Updated - - -
    My mom is very busy. She resents me somewhat for fucking up my life, but generally she tries to be understanding and help.



    I am not sure if you are seeking attention, or a pathos-based reaction or if you want genuine real-world advice.
    I am always someone looking for real life advice. I don't look for attention in such places. I just am a rational thinker, and in moments where everything feels like a black hole, I want someone to give me objective ideas on the situation.

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