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Thread: So I tried to discuss with my Fiance

  1. #1

    Default So I tried to discuss with my Fiance

    I'm not sure if I made an intro in the past, If I did sorry for the small repeat,

    I'm mid twenties, independent, with a secure job and generally a very chilled out relaxed person.

    I'm engaged to the most amazing women, same age, known each other for a very long time, we have a house together and are getting married within the month.

    We watched an episode of Friends last night, and part of it went on about not keeping secrets from each other. It really hit home with me, I can absolutely swear there is nothing significant or important I would ever lie about to my fiance because I think the truth would hurt/upset her. we both tell occasional white lies e.g. "I didn't pick the phone up because I was juggling two cups of coffee" rather than "I was in the toilet", but only ever on that level.

    so anyway I knew my interest in wearing a diaper was something that I hadn't lied to her about it had just never come up. We have a wonderful sex life, she had very little experience before we were together I only had marginally more so we've grown to love what each other like.

    I'm quite open minded about sex, I'm happy to talk about it, discuss it and am aware of the very large variety of different fetish communities, only because I was interested in what excited me, if there was something I hadn't found yet. She is not so much, which is fine. We discuss what we do and it all works out fine.

    For my job I have to Travel a lot, this gives me a lot of time on my own coupled with long car journeys and flights. It is these times where I tend to indulge my wearing of diapers, My interest is purely in physical sensation, soft warm and comfortable. I'm not into regression or the AB side.

    So last night after this episode I mentioned that I also believed in not having secrets from each other (to be honest It sucked that I felt like I was sneaking around to hide diapers) she was very instantly defensive and like normal was a bit emotional (it seems to be a safety state, if she is tearful she won't be distressed or hurt). Knowing her well I had to continue and mentioned that there was something I thought she knew (due to poor computer history maintenance) about but wasn't sure. she asked if it was something that went on in the past or still goes on, so I said it still happened but never in the house only whilst I was on my own. This was hard to accept for her, and I couldn't talk to her objectively about my interest, the word diaper was never mentioned it was just "the thing you know i'm interested in" ( I did later confirm we were talking about the same thing)

    To end the evening we spent some time apart and she wrote me a letter, clearly stating she loved me and was only writing as she finds it hard to talk, she said that part of her wants to know what goes on without her and part of her doesn't. but she doesn't want me to resent her in the future for not being involved, her big concern is she does not want to be frightened to look around our own home in case she finds something that is (well for want of a better word kinky) that isn't ours and she's worried that even though I say it won't affect her that it will.

    I did tell her that I don't keep anything in the house as I always want her to feel safe in our house and she always will be. I also told her that my "ideal" solution was if she could be objective and say "I understand that there is something that excites you and not me but perhaps it will be in the future" secondly "I understand that there is something that excites you and not me and I don't want a part of it but what you do on your own is fine" or "I don't really understand but it worries me and I don't want it to be part of our life or come between us"

    - - - Updated - - -

    I'm really sorry but this was difficult and took a long time to write, I haven't finished yet but i need to go out (i didn't know if the post would be saved if i left the page so i just posted the first half) I will try to post the rest this evening.

  2. #2


    Mate, ... Some advice here...

    I've am in a stable long term relationship (+10 years) with an amazing women....
    Secrets like those are "poison" to any relationship.

    Well it was a lot different for me as I'm Incont. and thus, well the diapers / pads / pullups were kind of hard to "hide" - the part that I actually also am a DL was a bit harder at first to share.
    The thing which helped me a lot though was that we both are quite "kinky".
    But that doesn't help you.

    However: I do believe you have taken quite a wrong approach!!! something I'd "set right" sooner than later if I were in your shoes.
    Keeping things vague like you seem to be doing about your Diaper-thing... makes it a lot worse.
    It's too easy for her to blow this completely out of proportion - like by not really knowing what you mean, and what it is you "Hide" and do only "outside"... it can be a heavy weight on her shoulders.
    Depending on her emotionality & fantasy she will probably imagine a hundred things - a hundred probably quite worse things than "liking diapers".

    you say you have a good sex life - and I assume, from what you write, that the diapers are not something you wish to be part of your shared sexuality? (that would make it a lot easier)
    I guess you'd like to let her know of that fetish of yours for the fact that you don't want to hide it "stealthy-diaper-style" anymore from her and don't want to keep that part of your a secret from her...

    With myself I'm a DL only to some part - and I don't want her to involve with my diaper anymore than she has to (like she has to know that I have to wear and is of course aware that I wear them to bed and wet them, well I can't help it, as much as I'd wish it'd be different)... but I don't want her to change me, I definitely don't wan't her to wear for me, and I don't want the diapers in our sex-life.

    The thing's this... it's a fetish... and it's nothing "serious".
    well, some people like latex... some fancy leather,... some like boots, some like rubber... some love stuff like bdsm, ... the kink world is large.
    most everyone has some if minor kink or fantasy or fetish... some have a hard time admitting to this, some haven't found it yet... some don't have one (it's rare imho).
    But you like diapers, and honestly it's nothing to be ashamed of or nothing to worry about... it's after all just adult diapers - so what

    And that's what you have to "sell" - the part that it's just a normal lil' kink, not quite unlike of liking latex or leather.
    Tell her it's not that omnipotent, doesn't "replace her" at all, doesn't affect your love, feelings, sex-drive, sex-life, etc...
    it's just that you sometimes like to wear them because it gives you a good feeling.

    Don't blow it out of proportion... you'll regret it.

  3. #3


    Have to completely agree with the above based on past experiences. The more a big deal you make it the more she will freak herself out over it. If you play it off like its just another thing then it will make her less likely to be intimidated and more open to learning more about it as time goes on.

  4. #4


    Ditto to the OPS.
    If our fetish/kink or lifestyle was a color in the 50 shades of grey, it would be a light grey.

    You have this fetish you need to hide and now she suspects something and has no idea what its.
    For all she knows it could be anything.

    Not to mention its really gonna start bothering
    your conscience and perhaps start making you feel guilty.
    It can be quite a huge burden on yourself.

    I think the truth in this instance shall set you free, yet its merely an opinion and you are the only one that has the power to make it happen or remain like 'The Governer' from the walking dead, full of secrets.

  5. #5


    I agree with what has been said. If she doesn't want to be involved but is willing to be accepting, that is a good and fine thing. I don't think it means that you should clear all of your practices out of the house. I think it's quite reasonable to articulate to her that although you understand that it's something she wouldn't participate in, it's not something that you feel you need to hide. You can then set up boundaries so you don't (and she doesn't) have to feel like you're going behind her back all the time.

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