I do really enjoy wearing diapers and especially the freedom of just peeing in them whenever the need hits. I also do enjoy the wet feeling as they fill and ofcourse the bulky feeling as there fill.
I have been working on just letting go in the diaper. It is not as easy as I thought it would be. I think that as a baby one does not even give it a thought. Then aging takes place and either you are trained to use the toliet or you figure it out on your own. Either way the change is made mentally from just going to holding and then going in the toliet. This training is not easy to overcome.
I tried mentally telling myself - you have on a diaper its ok. I tried the enjoy the feeling of the urine flowing out of you and the trickle effect. I also started wearing them not quite 24/7. My mate is not into diapers - does not know about my (call it fetish) and really does not want to know.
The thing that finally has started to work is the following:
1. I always wear at least overnight pads in any undergarment I have on if not diapered.
2. I wear them to work. I did wear a kitchen garbage bag over them to prevent leaking.
3. I do not ever go to the bathroom at work to pee when wearing my diapers.
(I found this to be very important during the early days of retraining)
4. I wear at least two diapers at a time - with overnight incontinence pads and slit cut in the pads and in the first layer of diapers.
5. With the combination of multi layers, pads, and kitchen garbage bag mentally I was able to reach a point where I could pee standing with ease - even when talking to someone at work.
6. I found out that it is best (I did find this difficult) to not push or try to pee. I just start to feel that I need to pee and let go by relaxing.
7. Mentally I totally accepted the concept of "Hell you may have an accident. The diaper may not hold all of the pee. You may wet your pants or the chair. WELL you wanted this - SO - I took on the mental position of I don't care - so what if i have wet pants -
8. This last step really seems to make me just flow even sitting at my desk. I went to an old pharmacy and found some plastic pants. I went in wearing three totally soaked diapers and my usual kitchen garbage bag. I came back to the office took off the bag and put on the plastic pants. WHAT A DIFFERENCE - mentally it is as if I finally bought into my desires. I put them on walked back toward my office and it just flowed - No wishing trying mental tricks it just happen. Sitting her now I am leaking. It is as if my control is gone.
1. Will this last?
2. Why did the purhase and putting on plastic pants - when I had on a kitchen garbage bag that I know from experience worked well - make this mental change and alow me to just flow?
3. Would wearing the plastic pants even without the diaper induce me to not have control? That would be so freaky and yet cool too.
Just an update on my progress in the diaper - pee pleasure -