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Thread: A Confusing Situation

  1. #1

    Unhappy A Confusing Situation

    Hi folks,

    I have a question regarding some troubling interactions I've been having with my non-age playing friends. I have always felt as though my little self were my true self, and that it's when I act like a grown-up that I'm just pretending, and I'm not even very good at it. Because of this I have many child-like (or, unfortunately, childish) tendencies even in my adult life. Because of this coupled with my extremely small size, people notice, and tend to treat me accordingly, so I am often protected and/or treated like a child by my friends without their knowing how deep that runs (they just assume I'm an immature grown-up.) Especially since the majority of my friends are from India, that culture puts far less emphasis on independence, so it's very easy for someone who is slightly older or just more responsible to keep someone like me under their wing.

    With me lies the problem... normally I'd consider this an awesome opportunity to get to feel like my real self even when I'm not engaged in age play, and I'd just accept the treatment as a blessing. But once someone starts treating me like that, I completely lose control, and start acting more and more babyish, putting pressure on my friends to be responsible for me, and maybe even making them feel weird, like they can't connect with me on a grown-up level. I have definitely lost some good friends to this poor behavior, people who cared about me but became confused and frustrated.

    My question is this: how do I make myself stop before I push people away from me? How can I control the baby inside who just wants nothing more than to tuck her head under her best friends chin and be rocked to sleep or have her booboos kissed? I know if my friends never treated me like a kid in the first place I wouldn't have such a hard time staying grown up around them, but the problem is once they start it just feels so good, so natural, so "right" that I never want it to end, and any time they stop treating me like a kid I feel a sense of abandonment!

    Lily

  2. #2

    Default

    Do you have any examples? Do you actually tuck your head under your friend's chin to be rocked to sleep, or is that just something you "want"?

    You're saying these are the friends who do not know about your AB side. I would find that kind of contact with a platonic friend very strange if I did not know why it was happening, and even if I did know why, it's something that, I think, would have to be "consensual" (not in the sexual sense of the word, of course, but if you're essentially cuddling with a nonromantic friend... there better be a reason, and both of you better be ok with it).

    Regression is not a huge part of ABDL for me, so I'm not sure what kind of advice to stop - because I have no idea what will work. I do think that you need to think about how strange that would be for someone who does not know about this part of you, and you need to respect those implicit limitations. Then I think you should (whether mentally or in writing) compile a list of actions that you should not allow yourself to "escalate" or regress past when you are with people who are not involved in ageplay. Know where you should stop before you are in the moment and get carried away.

  3. #3

    Default



    Quote Originally Posted by lilyshore View Post
    Hi folks,

    I have a question regarding some troubling interactions I've been having with my non-age playing friends. I have always felt as though my little self were my true self, and that it's when I act like a grown-up that I'm just pretending, and I'm not even very good at it. Because of this I have many child-like (or, unfortunately, childish) tendencies even in my adult life. Because of this coupled with my extremely small size, people notice, and tend to treat me accordingly, so I am often protected and/or treated like a child by my friends without their knowing how deep that runs (they just assume I'm an immature grown-up.) Especially since the majority of my friends are from India, that culture puts far less emphasis on independence, so it's very easy for someone who is slightly older or just more responsible to keep someone like me under their wing.

    With me lies the problem... normally I'd consider this an awesome opportunity to get to feel like my real self even when I'm not engaged in age play, and I'd just accept the treatment as a blessing. But once someone starts treating me like that, I completely lose control, and start acting more and more babyish, putting pressure on my friends to be responsible for me, and maybe even making them feel weird, like they can't connect with me on a grown-up level. I have definitely lost some good friends to this poor behavior, people who cared about me but became confused and frustrated.

    My question is this: how do I make myself stop before I push people away from me? How can I control the baby inside who just wants nothing more than to tuck her head under her best friends chin and be rocked to sleep or have her booboos kissed? I know if my friends never treated me like a kid in the first place I wouldn't have such a hard time staying grown up around them, but the problem is once they start it just feels so good, so natural, so "right" that I never want it to end, and any time they stop treating me like a kid I feel a sense of abandonment!

    Lily
    I am sorry but can you grow up, it is pretty much your fault your friends left. I mean no one wants to be friends with a grown up acting like a baby, or child, usually, adults want to hang out with adults because they are, whats that word, oh "Grown-up", if they wanted to hang out with kids, they would in fact do that, not a grown woman acting childish. I think what you need to do is know your boundries, and to reserve your "little" state of mind, to alone time, now I know that may not seem cool, but it will keep your friends, being your friends. What happened with the "friends" who left is the past, but I believe that you can in fact, stay to your true self and still be friends with grown ups, you just have to have your priorities straight.

  4. #4

    Default

    Balance is definitely the key here. Learn to control your desires... I know that can be hard at times especially when you feel little, but that's the way it is, as Naleas has put it. One day you may have a SO with whom you can fully express your little self. Until then using your friends as you are is a bit selfish. Look after your friends you need them.

  5. #5

    Default

    I agree with mostly everything Naleas said. In the end you have to know your boundaries.
    Watch every step from yourself in the beginning, so you can stop immediately any way too immature behaviour. Don't be someone different, just be your "grown-up" self and only that. At first you will feel quite awkward and maybe you don't know what you can do and what not. Just think about it that way, it helps me a lot: You can do everything you want, just do it in a way, nobody feels embarrassed or awkward, so how a grown up person would act. After some time it will feel quite natural, so you don't have to be cautious about everything you're doing.
    It's the same if you got an opinion about something your friends, or some atleast, might not share. This only leads to problems.

    However you can still be girlish, no one can forbid this. Just know the difference between being girlish and childish. However this depends in my case on the "level" of my friends, to which extend i'm "restricting" myself.
    What i mean is, as an example if i'm going out with my "best friends", which know nearly everything about me, except the AB part (although some know) I tend to be more like the person, which I am really, why not after all, we're really good friends. We all have our own (little) idiosyncrasies and accept or love them ;)



    Quote Originally Posted by NeverKnow View Post
    You're saying these are the friends who do not know about your AB side. I would find that kind of contact with a platonic friend very strange if I did not know why it was happening, and even if I did know why, it's something that, I think, would have to be "consensual" (not in the sexual sense of the word, of course, but if you're essentially cuddling with a nonromantic friend... there better be a reason, and both of you better be ok with it).
    I'm smiling right now, you're a boy and well you're usually not into that kind of behaviour with friends, it's a girlish thing. This goes that far, we even give eachother a kiss and hug, if we kinda hate us. Mind you, most boys, not all!. Depending on how you and you're friends are, i.e. your relationship, a "cuddling" behaviour is quite common and accepted in public.
    Last edited by daLira; 25-Mar-2013 at 23:20.

  6. #6

    Default



    Quote Originally Posted by lilyshore View Post
    Hi folks,

    I have a question regarding some troubling interactions I've been having with my non-age playing friends. I have always felt as though my little self were my true self, and that it's when I act like a grown-up that I'm just pretending, and I'm not even very good at it. Because of this I have many child-like (or, unfortunately, childish) tendencies even in my adult life. Because of this coupled with my extremely small size, people notice, and tend to treat me accordingly, so I am often protected and/or treated like a child by my friends without their knowing how deep that runs (they just assume I'm an immature grown-up.) Especially since the majority of my friends are from India, that culture puts far less emphasis on independence, so it's very easy for someone who is slightly older or just more responsible to keep someone like me under their wing.

    With me lies the problem... normally I'd consider this an awesome opportunity to get to feel like my real self even when I'm not engaged in age play, and I'd just accept the treatment as a blessing. But once someone starts treating me like that, I completely lose control, and start acting more and more babyish, putting pressure on my friends to be responsible for me, and maybe even making them feel weird, like they can't connect with me on a grown-up level. I have definitely lost some good friends to this poor behavior, people who cared about me but became confused and frustrated.

    My question is this: how do I make myself stop before I push people away from me? How can I control the baby inside who just wants nothing more than to tuck her head under her best friends chin and be rocked to sleep or have her booboos kissed? I know if my friends never treated me like a kid in the first place I wouldn't have such a hard time staying grown up around them, but the problem is once they start it just feels so good, so natural, so "right" that I never want it to end, and any time they stop treating me like a kid I feel a sense of abandonment!

    Lily

    Lily,

    I think that I understand what you are feeling. I know that sometimes I want nothing more than to be the little that is inside me. I struggle with it everyday. What I have to do is think about the other person and what they may be feeling. Sometimes, I have to put the needs of the other person ahead of my own. You have to be open with your friends and tell them your feelings and tell them what you need. If they are your real friends, they will try to accomodate you sometimes. Othertimes, you may just have to take what you can get, and use what they are willing to give as a boundary, {{{{hugs}}}}

  7. #7

    Default



    Quote Originally Posted by daLira View Post
    I'm smiling right now, you're a boy and well you're usually not into that kind of behaviour with friends, it's a girlish thing. This goes that far, we even give eachother a kiss and hug, if we kinda hate us. Mind you, most boys, not all!. Depending on how you and you're friends are, i.e. your relationship, a "cuddling" behaviour is quite common and accepted in public.
    That's true. Cuddling, hugging, and kissing are not necessarily strange, and it depends on context. I think only the OP would have a real sense of what is accepted in her friend group. Evidently, because she made this topic, some of what she does is not accepted in her friend group. Girls may cuddle platonically, but what the OP seems to be describing in the OP is sliding towards ageplay... which I think, without notice, would strike many people as strange.

  8. #8

    Default

    The whole problem lies in reciprocity; the classic example of taking a foot, a yard, and then a mile whenever someone gives you an inch. There is a difference between being young-at-heart (which is a quality my acquaintances like about me) and then there's crossing the line (everyone has their area of personal space that needs to be respected. That one took a while for me to cognitively learn myself) and additionally when friends see evidence of a sort of reverse maturation going on they're rightly associating it with incompetence.

    Respect others' personal space,
    save the touchy-feely for romantic interests
    and act the same mental age as when they first meet you

  9. #9

    Default

    We have often said on this site that we hurt no one by engaging in age play and so it is okay to engage, unless it is harmful. In your case, I believe it is. If you are losing friends because of your behavior, it has gotten away from you, and you have lost the balance in your life between when it is appropriate, and when it's not. I enjoy regressing, and I do it well, at home. I never bring it to my friends, or to the work place. There is a time and place for all things.

    I seldom say this, but if this continues, I believe you should seek professional help, as being as overt as you say you are with your friends, isn't normal behavior. It reminds me of the extreme examples we see on reality television, where a diaper lover is exposing to the media how they are a baby 24/7. There simply should be a time when you can turn it on, and a bigger time when you have to turn it off.

    We say on ADISC that diapers are not our life, and that should be the case. Age play and regression would be the same when it impacts out in public and in the company of our friends. I'm a professional person who works with students at school and choirs at church. I never expose my "other self" in these places, nor out shopping or any place in public. I may wear a diaper in public on rare occasions, but no one is aware that I'm wearing.

    You know you have a problem and you know how it is affecting your friends, as you have posted this. You have asked for help and that is a very good first step. If you cannot keep from age playing with your friends, then it's time to seek professional help. I wish you well in all of this. We are who we are, and Lord knows I have my set of problems that sometimes bring me sorrow. We all have a difficult road to walk. May yours become better with each step.

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