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Thread: Having trouble coping with my life

  1. #1

    Default Having trouble coping with my life

    Like many users here, in this situation I am seeking comfort and advice from the ADISC community in a non-DL way.

    While I already take anti-depressants for my depression, I am finding it hard to cope with daily life. With the fact of my youth slowly fading away and a corrupt school system wasting my teenage and child years, it makes it very hard to look to the future in a positive, non-suicidal way. I do have a history of severe depression, at age 15 I almost committed suicide. I feel felt more depressed ever since I turned 20, kknowing my teenage years had eneded and I could not do anything to fulfill that ruined past.

    What ways could people here suggest to me to feel like my future is not useless and my existence is not worthless? I have cried myself to sleep at night and the hope that I could be a successful muscian is what keeps me thinking I shouldnt end my life yet, as wel as not wanting to spend a eternity in hell.

  2. #2

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    Hmmm. I'm not sure if more people are starting to see life as pointless or I'm just noticing it because I've dealt with the same thing...

    Either way, what you're going through what is known as an existential crisis. Basically, you feel that the joy of life is out-weighed by the good, and that continuing to live is simply prolonging the inevitable. You're going to die anyway, at least if you die now the added pain of life could be avoided. Or at least, that's how it was for me. You ask how to view your life as meaningful. I know this is answering your question with another question, but what is meaningful? What gives any one thing more meaning than anything else? Being a successful musician is meaningful to you, but what would it mean to someone else? Conversely would a career in, say, engineering be meaningful to you? Or what about possessions, what makes them meaningful? I have this bead necklace, it only cost, like, maybe a dollar. But there are a lot of memories that I associate with that necklace. To anyone else it's a cheap necklace, but for me it has special value.

    My point here is that only you give things meaning. Perhaps it would be best for you to think about what you find important in your life, and more-over, why it's important to you. And by that, I mean, you, not your friends, teachers, family, your boss, anyone that's not you isn't invited to this debate.

    I also notice you mention hell. A fascinating concept, really. I guess God just loves everyone so much he needed to make a reject bin for us. Look, I'm sorry if that's a bit blunt, but I was very psychologically tethered by christianity during that time in my life. I was told that only through God could life have meaning. So in order to fix myself I tried getting more God in my life. But the more truth you seek, from any religion, the less you find. I blamed myself for being unable to decipher scripture like everyone else. I also didn't want to leave the faith because I truly thought life without the thought of an afterlife was unbearable. But think about that for a second... The only thing that gives life meaning is more life? I hope you see how self defeating that is. To me, death gives life purpose. Quite a few things had to happen for you to get here, it would be a shame for it to not be enjoyed.

    You also mention a love of music. As a visual artist I know that these kinds of things take time, like, a long time to gain any kind of mastery. I think it's the reason more people don't pursue art. They try a few times, fail spectacularly, and think to them self: "I guess I just wasn't cut out for this kind of thing." Then they quit, even though the only reason they did poor was because they never took time to practice. Even then, you'll probably hate half the things you make anyway. I think it's true that you're always your own worst critic. So if that's got you down, just remember that happens to all artists.

    Whew, that was a lot. It sounds like you have some intrapersonal issues to deal with. You'd actually be surprised at how many times I see posts like this. I'm sure you'll be just fine.

  3. #3

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    I also cant seem to get a job. Even with the 200+ applications I've sent in over the past three years I've only gotten not even a handful of interviews and not one single job offer.

  4. #4

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    Well what goals do you have now? If you don't have even the slightest idea of where you want to be in 10 years time then you're going to feel like you're going nowhere because you kind of are. What career could you see yourself doing? What do you need to do to achieve that career? Maybe instead of getting paid employment you should try for an unpaid internship/do some volunteer work to get some experience that will at least make you look better to an employer.

  5. #5

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    Quote Originally Posted by pajamakitten View Post
    Well what goals do you have now? If you don't have even the slightest idea of where you want to be in 10 years time then you're going to feel like you're going nowhere because you kind of are. What career could you see yourself doing? What do you need to do to achieve that career? Maybe instead of getting paid employment you should try for an unpaid internship/do some volunteer work to get some experience that will at least make you look better to an employer.
    I've thought about voluteering at the SPCA (although I'm allergic to cats). What I want the most is a lifestyle above a middle class one. I want fame and much money.

  6. #6

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    There we go, fame and money are important to you. Do you want to be rich and/or famous because you like money and fame or because it would come as a mark of success?

  7. #7

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    Quote Originally Posted by PurpleDinosaur View Post
    There we go, fame and money are important to you. Do you want to be rich and/or famous because you like money and fame or because it would come as a mark of success?
    Its a mixture of all of them. I crave success but at the same time I want to be a multi-millionaire in the double or triple digit numbers and have a place in history.

  8. #8

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    Quote Originally Posted by BabyBalto View Post
    Its a mixture of all of them. I crave success but at the same time I want to be a multi-millionaire in the double or triple digit numbers and have a place in history.
    Well, while I cannot say that I have a bunch of life experience, I have found that setting such huge goals and not having intermediary points with which you can congratulate yourself can really mess with your self esteem. If you really aspire to that, then great. I honestly do hope and believe you can do it. All I suggest is break that goal into more manageable bits. There may be ups and downs along that journey, but you will never be able to experience the joys if all you focus on is that one goal. Having something to aspire to is what gives life purpose and meaning, however if you can't enjoy the little things along the way then you will decay emotionally. I know this sounds cliché, but it is the honest truth. If you have to, plan out your career path. You want to be a successful musician? Alright, where are you at now with things? Since I do not know you're position, I cannot give exact steps, but I can give examples. If you don't have an instrument or the instrument you need, then you need to get it. In order to do that, you need to save up the money. In order to do that, you will have to find a job most likely. (I understand it is extremely hard to find a good one, but maybe try sticking it out with one of the other ones in the meantime. It all works to a greater cause). Once you have that, you may or may not need a band, depending on if you want to be a solo act or not. If you need a band, find the members, but either way practice practice practice. Set goals for certain songs whether they are covers or original works. If you are with a band, get everyone to pool money to build up your stage kit, and try getting some bar gigs. Get your name out there, and maybe work towards either first producing your own CDs or trying to get a record deal with even a small time recording studio. Keep working up in that fashion and there is a chance you can get there. And remember, congratulate yourself and (if in a band) your band for each step forward.

    Keep in mind these are example steps, and I really cannot plan this stuff out for you. Hell, I realize that I made it sound relatively easy, but I also understand it is probably far from it. It's going to be tough, for sure. Music, from what I understand, is generally hard to make it big in. But it is not unachievable, and therefore there is no reason to think otherwise or get down on yourself.

    Please keep us posted and I truly hope this helped in some way.
    Spike

  9. #9

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    Quote Originally Posted by KidSpike13 View Post
    Well, while I cannot say that I have a bunch of life experience, I have found that setting such huge goals and not having intermediary points with which you can congratulate yourself can really mess with your self esteem. If you really aspire to that, then great. I honestly do hope and believe you can do it. All I suggest is break that goal into more manageable bits. There may be ups and downs along that journey, but you will never be able to experience the joys if all you focus on is that one goal. Having something to aspire to is what gives life purpose and meaning, however if you can't enjoy the little things along the way then you will decay emotionally. I know this sounds cliché, but it is the honest truth. If you have to, plan out your career path. You want to be a successful musician? Alright, where are you at now with things? Since I do not know you're position, I cannot give exact steps, but I can give examples. If you don't have an instrument or the instrument you need, then you need to get it. In order to do that, you need to save up the money. In order to do that, you will have to find a job most likely. (I understand it is extremely hard to find a good one, but maybe try sticking it out with one of the other ones in the meantime. It all works to a greater cause). Once you have that, you may or may not need a band, depending on if you want to be a solo act or not. If you need a band, find the members, but either way practice practice practice. Set goals for certain songs whether they are covers or original works. If you are with a band, get everyone to pool money to build up your stage kit, and try getting some bar gigs. Get your name out there, and maybe work towards either first producing your own CDs or trying to get a record deal with even a small time recording studio. Keep working up in that fashion and there is a chance you can get there. And remember, congratulate yourself and (if in a band) your band for each step forward.

    Keep in mind these are example steps, and I really cannot plan this stuff out for you. Hell, I realize that I made it sound relatively easy, but I also understand it is probably far from it. It's going to be tough, for sure. Music, from what I understand, is generally hard to make it big in. But it is not unachievable, and therefore there is no reason to think otherwise or get down on yourself.

    Please keep us posted and I truly hope this helped in some way.
    Spike
    I do have a instrument, my voice and a keyboard. I still need to get a mic and since I am not employed, that is a daunting task to fulfill. I'm working on trying to find band members, mainly on Craigslist.

  10. #10

    Default Re: Having trouble coping with my life

    You should watch the movie "Airheads" and make it happen in real life lol.

    Seriously I know exactly what you are going through. I've hated all of my jobs because its nothing that I want to do.

    The main reason I still drive 18 wheelers is because I am homeless. I live in this fucking truck. I hate the company because they are so unorganized and don't give a shit. Swift Transportation has got to be the shittiest company anyone could work for. They have absolutely no ounce of compassion to me and treat me like a work dog or something.

    I never had a relationship with anyone in my entire life and lefty and righty seem to be the only ones interested in me.

    I have no joy in anything that I do in life anymore. I have nothing man, it sucks. I love music but I was too poor to by an instrument to play. I bought a cheap piece of shit accostic guitar but I had no idea what I was doing and my fat fingers seem like they can't hold chords.

    Its like that I have no choice in life but to do things that I hate to do because I was piss poor all my fucking life.

    Sometimes I think nothing is better than shit too.

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