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Thread: Something That Has Been Bothering Me...

  1. #1

    Default Something That Has Been Bothering Me...

    I have a question for you all. I went to church with my fiancée last week, since we are close to tying the knot. I don't usually go, since my parents were religious jerks. She goes to a mainline denomination church. Before the service, she introduced me to her pastor. Then, when he got up to preach, he preached on some verse that says when you become a man, you should not be childish anymore. It was very uncomfortable for me and has been bothering me this week. Do you all think my fiancée might have mentioned to him this side of me? Or am I reading too much into this? She is religious and goes to church somewhat regularly. I probably won't go back for a while. Part of me thinks I am overthinking it and it was coincidence, but if so, it was a big coincidence.
    Last edited by heybaby; 23-Mar-2013 at 04:54. Reason: corrected spelling

  2. #2

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    I would assume you are over thinking it. Most preachers know what they are going to preach about several days in advance and would rarely ever pick their main scripture based on one members fiancee attending the service. They would often try to preach a message that can speak to the entire congregation. Not just one person. If you are serious about wanting to marry her and I assume she already knows you are ABDL, then ask her if she told him. If you want to get married, you need to be honest and open with her. If it concerns you so much, ask her. I wouldn't avoid her church over something like this, though. If she is like most people I know, religion is probably more important to her than you being an ABDL. If she can accept that, you should at least make an attempt to accept her church.

  3. #3

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    Has she ever expressed negativity toward this part of you before? Did she begrudgingly accept it? When you shared this part of you with her, did she ever express religious uncertainty about it? (ie. Is there a reason to think that she would speak to your pastor about it?)

    I would doubt that your pastor would be so pointed about it if she had told him. He has an entire parish to preach to. I don't think he would take such an indirect route of speaking about the issue. If you don't go to church regularly, then there's no reason for him to expect that you would be there, and most pastors prepare sermons in advance. Also, I'd imagine that if she actually went to him, he would give her advice about how you two should mutually handle the issue. I just don't think that this is something a pastor would do.

    I do think you're overthinking it.

  4. #4

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    I just told her a few months ago, and she was OK with it. She did talk with me about trying to change and stay off of this forum. I have told her that I cannot change this part of me, because I have tried several times. She seems to be accepting, but part of me still thinks she does not fully accept it. I tend to be over-analytical and have issues with self-doubt. I had a very rough childhood, so I am actually one of the more normal ones among my siblings What you all have said already has comforted me a bit and made me think I am just overthinking again. I have not been to church in years, so do not know much about it. As for going to church with her, I would not mind doing it occasionally, but cannot see myself going regularly. It seems boring and a bit weird to me. I am not much for getting yelled at if I can avoid it.

  5. #5

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    I don't think voicing some of your concerns to her, as LilMonkeyAlex suggested, would be a bad idea. You should reach some common ground on this issue. That would mean that you should also resolve your uncertainty as to where her opinion lies. I think that this would help give you peace of mind. If you have issues with self-doubt, you will probably feel better in general if you can put this matter to bed. Don't let it eat at you.

  6. #6

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    Everyone, including preachers, interpret the Bible in many different ways. This verse is from 1 Corinthians Chapter 13. The whole chapter speaks of love and contains a definition of love: 4 Love suffers long and is kind; love does not envy; love does not parade itself, is not puffed up; 5 does not behave rudely, does not seek its own, is not provoked, thinks no evil; 6 does not rejoice in iniquity, but rejoices in the truth; 7 bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.

    8 Love never fails. But whether there are prophecies, they will fail; whether there are tongues, they will cease; whether there is knowledge, it will vanish away. 9 For we know in part and we prophesy in part. 10 But when that which is perfect has come, then that which is in part will be done away.

    11 When I was a child, I spoke as a child, I understood as a child, I thought as a child; but when I became a man, I put away childish things. 12 For now we see in a mirror, dimly, but then face to face. Now I know in part, but then I shall know just as I also am known.

    13 And now abide faith, hope, love, these three; but the greatest of these is love.

    I don't think he was preaching just to you. Most preachers have their sermons done weeks in advance. One online reference even states that this verse is about the beginnings of the Christian church and the birth (childhood) of the church and it's maturing.

    - - - Updated - - -

    - - - Updated - - -

    [QUOTE=heybaby;1032687 I am not much for getting yelled at if I can avoid it.[/QUOTE]

    Who yells? The preacher?

  7. #7

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    If I were u I would I would watch what I say. She might say she is ok with it but if she really isn't and don't want to hurt your feelings she is going to try and find another way to get to u and try to change your mind set. If I were u I would settle things down for a bit then tell her some part of a fantasy of yours. Nothing to bad but wait and see if something is said regarding your fantasy.

  8. #8

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    Being abdl is like being a car with a sunroof, once you got it there really is no going back. If your girl doesnt like your sunroof thats something you need to work out with her. Once youre a pickle you can never be a cucumber again.

  9. #9

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    I grew up in the church and I have to say you might be reading to much into this particular event. They reference that part of 1st Corinthians often. I remember hearing that portion used at least 3 to 4 times a year. Don't let this bring guilt for being yourself.

  10. #10

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    Quote Originally Posted by heybaby View Post
    I have a question for you all. I went to church with my fiancée last week, since we are close to tying the knot. I don't usually go, since my parents were religious jerks. She goes to a mainline denomination church. Before the service, she introduced me to her pastor. Then, when he got up to preach, he preached on some verse that says when you become a man, you should not be childish anymore. It was very uncomfortable for me and has been bothering me this week. Do you all think my fiancée might have mentioned to him this side of me? Or am I reading too much into this? She is religious and goes to church somewhat regularly. I probably won't go back for a while. Part of me thinks I am overthinking it and it was coincidence, but if so, it was a big coincidence.
    If your fiancée did talk about this to her pastor, I'd be absolutely shocked if he used his Sunday sermon to go after the private habits of a non-attender of his church for a long time. That's the time to speak on topics that are relevant to the whole congregation, not the private business of a visitor. If he knew and was concerned, I think he'd first counsel your fiancée, or request a meeting with you to discuss things. Most pastors don't air people's private business before their whole church unless it affects the whole church. Now, if he did do this, you guys need to consider another church. But I'd be shocked if that happened. I'm willing to bet it was coincidental. I don't see anything wrong with asking her if she talked to your pastor, if you do it in a non-confrontational way.

    Good for you for giving her church a try, by the way. From experience, I know how hard it is to go back to church, but it's awesome that you did that for her. There are lots of different churches out there, so if you plan to keep going, don't be afraid to look around a bit if you need to. It's possible to worship God without turning into a "religious jerk"

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