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Thread: Bit worried about my Son...

  1. #1

    Default Bit worried about my Son...

    My Son either has a problem with continence, or he has a problem with toileting issues.

    He is too busy playing roblox or minecraft to go to the toilet, that isn't the issue though...

    What IS the issue is that once he is bursting to go, he cannot hold it, so if someone is in the bathroom when he needs to go, within minutes he either pee's or poops himself.

    I don't know if he does it on purpose or not, but I know it is a big problem because it causes arguments between myself and Si.

    Si wants to punish him for pee'ing or pooping himself and says he does it on purpose, but I argue that he cannot help it, and perhaps I need to get him in with the doctor?

    Any ideas you guys?

  2. #2

    Default

    If this is not a stress issue or something he is hiding, I'd say he's just hanging on too long....too lazy to respond until it's too late.... better talk to him I think... does it happen to him when your out or when he's at school? if not I reckon it's not a significant issue.... but see a professional if you think it is.

  3. #3

    Default

    Cpt. Vimes (like the name btw )...

    Well how old is your son?

    Punishment? Please - Don't.

    I don't think anyone (besides a few ) actually enjoy being in wet and dirty pants/underwear. Not many, especially children, like the automatic bit of humiliation that comes from this.

    However it can be many things - also depending on age / etc...

    I'd say talk to him and see how he feels about this, what he thinks why he does it... and take him to a doc.
    if he's by a remote chance doing this on purpose, going to a doc about wetting/messing is REALLY EMBARRASSING, especially as a child...

    I've been IC my entire life, I've been a bedwetter for most of my life. Try to find the cause - it can be something physical, it can be some psychological thing.

    Also the question is: how long has he been dry so far? Any other IC related things like Bedwetting? How about accidents on road-trips, school-trips? etc....
    if it just happens "at home", it can be something like being really too lazy and maybe not the best abilities at holding it in once it gets painful. (I for one can't hold it, once it starts to feel like slightly "pressurized" in my bladder, my body will just let go, nothing I can do. I can hold it "just fine" (besides the fact that I basically dribble A LOT)... but when the urge comes and I'm not within 20 seconds of a toilet I'm bound to wet myself (or my pad/diaper in that case).). In my case it's purely "physical"...

    But again, it's your child, and I guess his wellbeing is your utmost concern, so off to the doc with him if this has been happening a few times already.

    Also you might want to check what he's been drinking?
    Like he should stay away from sodas (coke & co.), caffeinated drinks (mind you it's not just coffee - some teas have "similar" substances),
    Establish a toilet-routine with him: he can game, but EVERY 1.5 hours off to the toilet... at least until that has been "resolved".

    if you want to "Punish" him - do something useful, like tell him "no more games for 3 days" if that happens again.
    Can't hurt to have him off the computer for some time and maybe with less distraction it won't happen again.
    But make sure that he knows it's not because he had an accident, but because he didn't go to the toilet when he first felt the urge to go. He needs to be able to interrupt the game or whatever if he starts to feel the urge.

    but get him checked...
    might be nothing. but well...

    - - - Updated - - -

    Cpt. Vimes (like the name btw )...

    Well how old is your son?

    Punishment? Please - Don't.

    I don't think anyone (besides a few ) actually enjoy being in wet and dirty pants/underwear. Not many, especially children, like the automatic bit of humiliation that comes from this.

    However it can be many things - also depending on age / etc...

    I'd say talk to him and see how he feels about this, what he thinks why he does it... and take him to a doc.
    if he's by a remote chance doing this on purpose, going to a doc about wetting/messing is REALLY EMBARRASSING, especially as a child...

    I've been IC my entire life, I've been a bedwetter for most of my life. Try to find the cause - it can be something physical, it can be some psychological thing.

    Also the question is: how long has he been dry so far? Any other IC related things like Bedwetting? How about accidents on road-trips, school-trips? etc....
    if it just happens "at home", it can be something like being really too lazy and maybe not the best abilities at holding it in once it gets painful. (I for one can't hold it, once it starts to feel like slightly "pressurized" in my bladder, my body will just let go, nothing I can do. I can hold it "just fine" (besides the fact that I basically dribble A LOT)... but when the urge comes and I'm not within 20 seconds of a toilet I'm bound to wet myself (or my pad/diaper in that case).). In my case it's purely "physical"...

    But again, it's your child, and I guess his wellbeing is your utmost concern, so off to the doc with him if this has been happening a few times already.

    Also you might want to check what he's been drinking?
    Like he should stay away from sodas (coke & co.), caffeinated drinks (mind you it's not just coffee - some teas have "similar" substances),
    Establish a toilet-routine with him: he can game, but EVERY 1.5 hours off to the toilet... at least until that has been "resolved".

    if you want to "Punish" him - do something useful, like tell him "no more games for 3 days" if that happens again.
    Can't hurt to have him off the computer for some time and maybe with less distraction it won't happen again.
    But make sure that he knows it's not because he had an accident, but because he didn't go to the toilet when he first felt the urge to go. He needs to be able to interrupt the game or whatever if he starts to feel the urge.

    but get him checked...
    might be nothing. but well...

  4. #4

    Default

    Hey,

    how old is your son? Kids of a certain age tend to forget everything while playing. They're, simply put, in their own dreamworld
    And they cannot hold it for a long time too, like the typical jumping from leg to leg behaviour, then it's urgent.

    If you both got the time, i would still go to see a doc, there is no harm in it and maybe something could be wrong.

  5. #5

    Default Re: Bit worried about my Son...

    You can never be sure enough without some proven advice. At first you may want to talk to your kid calmly first. Ask him if he feels the need and how long he holds it.

    ADD/ADHD are commonly associated with this. Holding it until it becomes too much. You may want to check for this as well on a doctor's visit.

  6. #6

    Default

    I also wonder if it could have something to do with puberty or a growth spurt. Sometimes, especially boys will have issues with continence about that time, as their body is doing things it didn't used to do and the body is growing and shaping in disproportionate ways inside and out. I wouldn't rule anything in or out, but I certainly wouldn't punish him. One would think the social stigma of it would be punishment enough. You can start looking at when it's happening - is it only during video games, tv, other activities? How about during physical activities and active play? Look for trends, and if there's nothing clearly emerging or if you have concerns, a doctor's visit might be a good idea.

  7. #7

    Default Re: Bit worried about my Son...

    To add on, I have ADD. I had several accidents while in school. Most of it was from not paying attention to the urge or wasn't enough to catch my attention until it gets more urgent and the teachers refused to let me go. Sometimes I didn't feel an urge to go until being back in the classroom from a break. I usually went during a break. I tended to hit up the water fountain quite a bit as I've always drank a lot of liquids during breaks, lunch and recess. Basically anytime I passed one.

    It didn't really go beyond 3rd grade for me. I didn't have a bedwetting problem. I never really had accidents outside of school either. It can be confusing to unexperienced parents, and they go to humiliation treatment to try and cure something that hes totally not at fault for.

    Punishment is definitely NOT the answer. You need to reason with him, not scold him.

    Accidents are fairly common in ADD and ADHD kids. Especially during potty training and school. Teachers can be cruel when it comes to a kid leaving class to use the restroom. It happened to me all the time. Its not just ADD kids, its normal kids as well. Kids just can't make an urge to use the restroom on demand. It comes naturally. Teachers try to use the accident humiliation to try and make them learn from not going to the restroom at scheduled times. No one has the need to use the restroom at the same time.

    You can urge your kid to drink less but that would definitely cause some form of dehydration that I went through because of the embarrassment. Kids become tired and usually lose focus when dehydrated. I'd experienced that myself as a kid. If this is a school issue, you may want to hold a short meeting with the teacher and make arrangements with them.

  8. #8

    Default dont be cruel

    as all others have said, don't bring consequences to the table. first of all its cruel and second, its counter productive. its not going to stop to prevent from being punished. plus the phychological impact can cause lasting damage. trust me. Foster care was brutal for me for many reasons but one of the reasons was being humiliated/punished for having severe bladder/bowel control issues among other problems. it didn't matter that it was related to neurological and physical problems. take him to the doctor and go from there as a family.
    Last edited by waslost1234abc; 24-Mar-2013 at 05:25. Reason: typo

  9. #9

    Default

    In the name of all that is holy, Don't punish him.
    That said, you should try to get to the bottom of it. Laziness on his part is very unlikely, as it's incredibly embarrassing for a child to have an accident.
    You should get your son checked out, for sure.

  10. #10

    Default Re: Bit worried about my Son...

    Thank you all for your input.

    EP01,

    I shall try to respond to everything you have said, but if I miss something, it is not ignorance.

    Son is 10, 11 in July.

    Punish him I definitely won't, it was Si who demanded he need punishing, but I fought my ground and ensured my Son was not punished.

    I will sit him down and have a chat with him tomorrow.

    I think it is down to the fact that Roblox/Minecraft rule my Son's life and he is too busy on those games to go to the toilet unless he is on the verge of wetting/pooping himself, and of course, if there is someone in the bathroom when it is time to go, by then he soils himelf. I am hoping that is all it is.

    Though, Si did remind me that my Son went through a period of bedwetting at one point, partly because we used to allow him to take a drink bottle full of NAS squash to bed with him.

    Neither of my children are allowed carbonated drinks apart from the odd bottle of NAS cherryade, he doesn't drink hot drinks apart from an occasional cadburys hot chocolate, even if he did drink my tea, it is decaf because of my incontinence, prior to my recent "fix" I was trying to drink as few diuretics as possible. So the only three drinks he DOES drink is Tesco's NAS value apple and blackcurrant squash, skimmed milk or banana milkshake.

    As for accidents at school, never. Accidents any other time? Never.

    He does seem to have a great difficulty in holding it once he gets the urge though, to the extent he has been in tears begging to go to the toilet if we are out.

    I will sit and have a chat with him when he gets home from school and will see what he says about it. He might even enjoy toileting without a toilet, I don't know.

    The time before my Son pooped himself the other day, he took his trousers and underwear down and pee'd on his PC chair, so that was no accident, maybe I was reluctant to explain clearly, he claimed that he absolutely couldn't hold it any longer, but why he didn't come to me and ask if he could pee into a receptacle, or even outside in the drain, I don't know!

    He also did it (pee'd) outside once when he was playing with our dog, unfortunately Sam (who was a puppy back then) was too interested in what my Son was doing so Sam ended up requiring a bath as he got pee all over his head and ears. I reckon my Son was too damn lazy to come in and go to the toilet upstairs, unless he didn't think he would make it.... I don't know what was going through his head.

    I think a regime of ensuring he goes to the toilet every 1.5 - 2 hours would be beneficial, maybe I can message him on facebook or google talk and tell him to get his ass in the bathroom or something heheh

    I am hoping that this is not a medical concern, but depending on how we get on with our little chat, I may well get him in to see a doctor.

    Thank you again for all your input guys, I am feeling a little more reassured by your replies.

    Kind regards,

    CV x

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