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Thread: I have a problem

  1. #1

    Default I have a problem

    I suffer from major depressive disorder and suicidal thoughts and my AB side is just adding to the bad feelings. I don't know if I should cut myself off from this part of me or try to emrace it more and see if it gives me relief.

  2. #2


    Hi kittenjossee,

    First, I'm sorry to hear that you're having these thoughts. That's the biggest concern right now. Have you told anyone in real life about this? If not, please talk to someone you trust immediately.

    As for what to do about your AB side, I think that's a question that would be best answered by a professional therapist. In most cases, I'd suggest trying to embrace your AB side through setting limits on what you do and seeking to accept yourself. But if it's adding to your depression, I wouldn't suggest this. Have you always had AB thoughts, or have they cropped up recently? I think that overall, this is something that should be discussed with a mental health professional. They'll give far wiser advice than anyone on this forum can.

    You may have to explain what being an AB is, and why you feel drawn to it, since this may be an unfamiliar topic for some therapists. But be very honest with them, and look for a solution, even if it's difficult. Your life is important, so take care to make good choices with it.

    Since your AB desires are tangled up with suicidal thoughts, this is really a problem that should be brought to a professional. That said, if you want to discuss things, we're here to listen, if that's what you need. Best of luck, and let us know how it goes.

  3. #3


    Hello Kittenjossee

    I am sorry to hear this, but I will reemphisize what Adventure said and please go call your therapist or the local crisis hotline.

    I also suffer from clinical depression and have worked on taking care of it since 2000. It is a lot of work, but just talking to someone helps so much.

    Hang in there and come back every couple of days and let us know how you are doing. You are not alone and I am pulling for you.

  4. #4


    I'll third that, with what Adventurer said especially, and add that logical reasoning mandates that babies are only sad when they are hungry, gassy or need a change - what do they care about problems in the neighborhood or at the job? Anyway if the feeble attempt to cheer you up is ineffectual, you're better off listening to ^ those guys and talking to a counselor soon but I hope you feel better nonetheless

    ETR: stuck key typo

  5. #5


    I have to agree with Adventurer and the others. Because you have talked about severe depression and suicidal thoughts, we are ill equipped to properly advise you. I too was thinking that you should talk about your infantilism to your psychologist or counselor. I had to discuss this with my psychiatrist many years ago, and though it was embarrassing, I got through it. He thought I'd outgrow it, but things have changed since then.

    I too am curious as to how long you have embraced infantilism. If it's only recent, it may be caused by something other than a paraphilia. If you are unhappy with your present life, seeking another identity such as that of the toddler, may be a form of escape, where as true infantilism is usually related to diapers, and thus defined as a fetish. This is why I think you need to discuss this with a professional.

    As others have said, I hope you'll stay with this thread. We're here for you, if for nothing else than to support you and let you know that we care. You have friends who deal with similar feelings.

  6. #6


    As a real baby I never took to the pacifier until I was 7 or 8, then I was using my dolls until it was taken away (it was made like a real one). Then when I was a teenager I was interested in diapers and using them to pee in. When I got my drivers liscence I went out and bought about 8 pacifiers within a few years span (all of which I have misplaced). I have bought adult baby diapers and more pacifiers but I guess knowing I can't really do anything except the few moments I'm home by myself is what depresses me. I'm constantly worried I will get caught and get kicked out of my house which I wouldn't be able to survive. I really wish there was a cure for abdlism. I have seen therapists, conselors, psychologists and psychiatrists since I because suicidal in 2001 and I'm terrified of them. I also suffer from severe paranoia and think every professional is out to brainwash me with meds or electric shock therapy which was threatened 5 years ago.

  7. #7


    Sounds like you have had a rough time. Ultimately reaching out for support is the best thing you can do. Being on ADISC is a great first step. Is there someone you would feel comfortable talking to rather than a shrink? A mentor perhaps. It looks like you are a college student. Your university should have counseling services. As an adult you have total control over your treatment. The counseling services at my school were really useless and ineffective for me... but expieriencing their "patheticness" made me turn inward and become more self-reliant. Reach out and make a support system of some sort. I joined my local PRIDE group. They are kink aware and are used to helping people through many of the issues ABDLs face.

  8. #8


    I also suffer from depression and anxiety.
    I see a therapist and I'm on meds for my depression and anxiety.
    I find my ab/dl side is a coping mechanism that brings me back to a time in my life when life was simpler and my worries were few.
    please seek help if you haven't already.

  9. #9

    Default Re: I have a problem

    Quote Originally Posted by kittenjossee View Post
    I suffer from major depressive disorder and suicidal thoughts and my AB side is just adding to the bad feelings. I don't know if I should cut myself off from this part of me or try to emrace it more and see if it gives me relief.
    I'll agree with everyone else who has said you need to see a doctor or therapist about this.

    I'd like to add, however, that once I got my depression under control and treated (and switched to Prozac), it became a lot easier to accept my ABDL side. So if you can address the depression it may make the AB feelings a lot easier to deal with.

  10. #10


    I've dealt with suicidal ideation most of my life and attribute that largely to my ABDL feelings mixed with extreme perfectionism. My experience is that trying to cut yourself off from ABDL stuff will only do more damage then good. Frankly, I just don't think it is possible for most people and so it will only lead you to disappointment and lower self-esteem and confidence when you inevitably revert back to your old ways. I have worked with several therapists on the issue of my ABDL and depression. First, we attempted "curing" myself of ABDL and then later, when that failed miserably and worsened my depression, we worked on accepting myself more for all that I am. If I were you I would jump straight to the second approach and embrace who you are. It's not an easy thing to do, especially if you have built negative thought patterns your whole life, but at least it is possible - which is more than I can say for quitting.

    Keep your head up. Things get better with time and work. Also, keep us posted on how you're doing.

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