Page 1 of 2 12 LastLast
Results 1 to 10 of 16

Thread: Getting over guilt (DL-related)

  1. #1

    Default Getting over guilt (DL-related)

    This might get a little lengthy and I'm not sure if this is the most appropriate place to put it so I apologize.

    I have a bit of a problem with the DL side of me. I'm still dealing with the whole binge-purge thing a lot and as everyone knows it really sucks. I'm coming off a purge and things are kind of evening out now, which is where they usually stay unless I start thinking about things too much. Now that my head's a little clearer and I've had time to actually put some thought into what it is that my problem is, I'm realizing that I'm not sure how to solve it. I'll admit that I'm a little impatient too, which isn't really helpful.

    The problem seems to be that I feel really guilty about wearing. I don't have a problem with the fact that I'm a DL, in and of itself. Wearing in and of itself isn't a huge problem, but it does seem to come down to what. I can go and wear makeshift all I want (towel folded into briefs, t-shirt in briefs, whatever) and I'm totally okay with it. For some reason though when I get into wearing the real deal or even thinking too much about it, I just start feeling really guilty about it. I've done goodnites and that was pretty much okay, I've done abenas, and that was pretty much not...Thinking back, that was probably what triggered my last purge, since I was mostly okay, only doing things in moderation, and I just wasn't happy. While I've probably saved myself tons of money by not going out and buying disposables very often, this is really a big problem for me seeing as I do get the urge to wear and...it's hard to do anything about it.

    I assume it probably has to do with the fact that my parents' idea of discipline...or just generic disapproval is really passive aggressive and focuses on making whoever it is they're talking to feel horrifically guilty. I've grown out of it really affecting me because I eventually just got used to it and stopped caring, but they've done this for everything from me having food allergies to me being gay. Given that that's their way of dealing with things, and I have some nasty memories of them forcing me to wash my sheets in the bathtub or otherwise for wetting the bed, I can probably pretty safely assume they went the same route wayy back when I was getting potty trained and now I have this ingrained problem with wearing (which admittedly I'm glad to have discovered this now as a DL rather than later on should I end up with a medical need to wear once I'm much older). I think it more or less focuses on 'why am I doing this', 'this is weird/gross/whatever', 'I don't really need them" or some theme like that.

    So, I really don't know what to do about this. I'm wondering if it would be worth trying cloth AIOs instead if it's something specifically oriented towards disposables since that's what I was a kid in. Either way, it's a really big problem for me that somehow or another I need to get over because it's making me really miserable. At this point too now that I'm with someone who I've told and who is accepting, binging and purging and being miserable for it isn't just affecting me.

  2. #2

    Default

    Hi nsquared,

    I know the feeling, believe me. I think we all do. Guilt can really bring you down. I did find an answer that has largely worked for me, and maybe it'll help you as well.

    When I decided to embrace my ABDL side about a year ago, it came after a long period of fighting my desires. I'd get diapered for several days, feel guilty, throw everything out, vow to do better this time, and end up in the same spot a few weeks later. So when I decided to accept that I was an AB, I decided to try and limit my use. I designated certain days and times for wearing, and kept my wearing to those times. This let me get the satisfaction of diapers without the binging and purging. It really works well, and I recommend giving it a try!

    I also kept in touch with this community. Even the act of discussing my fetish made it more normal, and got rid of the feeling that it was "forbidden". This not only removed a lot of shame, it helped me understand myself a lot more.

    I don't know much about sealing with parental guilt, but maybe another member on here does. If it's really severe, maybe you should talk to a therapist about how you're feeling. There's nothing wrong with this, and friends of mine have used it to fight off long-standing feelings of shame. Whether it's a therapist, a pastor, or someone else with counselling experience, it may be helpful.

    It takes a lot off time and work to fight off unwarranted guilt. Give my ideas a try - they redeemed several years' worth of self-fighting! You may find cloth diapers a better alternative as well, but whatever you do, find ways to deal with the shame feelings. That'll be the healthiest in the long run.

    Best of luck, and drop me a ,message if you want to talk or need support. :-)

  3. #3

    Default



    Quote Originally Posted by Adventurer View Post
    So when I decided to accept that I was an AB, I decided to try and limit my use. I designated certain days and times for wearing, and kept my wearing to those times. This let me get the satisfaction of diapers without the binging and purging. It really works well, and I recommend giving it a try!
    This is what I've been doing and it's been the only thing that has worked with my issues of guilt. Also I just remind myself that I'm not hurting anyone and not hurting myself either. Society's views on things isn't always right. Just because a whole bunch of people agree about something doesn't make it true. They used to agree that women and non-whites weren't entitled to any human rights, or that mentally ill people were possessed by demons because they were evil, for example. I'm fully aware of what society thinks of us, but we also have to be aware that it doesn't make it true and we don't have to agree with it. By logic, we are not harming anyone. I think this is the main reason why I have come to accept that it is alright in spite of what the masses think.

  4. #4

    Default Re: Getting over guilt (DL-related)

    You have to come to accet yourself more. It doesn't usually come in a heart beat though. I know that most of us beat ourselves down emotionally. The urges of wearing come and go in high stress it seems. I think the guilt of using any premium diaper comes from fantasizing more of it. The longing to where it. You know that its a top notch diaper and you finally gotten your hands on it. The more fantasies you try to fulfill, and the price of it and what you did to get a hold of it.

    You have to tell yourself that its ok. You can wear any diapers you want. You're not a freak. You're definitely not alone. There are other weirder fetishes out there.

    Rejecting your desires and beating yourself up emotionally will end up getting worse and worse especially if they aren't going away.

    I went through a bad phase and contemplated suicide on a daily basis. (I'm just sharing from my personal experience.) I never seeked help for it and probably never will due to the embarrassment factor. I just decided I would just continue to be who I wanted to be, if negative thoughts would come over me I would think about something else or occupy myself. Even if it took turning on music and singing aloud.

    I probably went out of hand with this post enough so I'll end it here.

  5. #5

    Default

    Thanks guys. It is kind of funny, I did have one point where I was entirely okay with it and somehow I must have gotten convinced otherwise. Granted, with some of the things I've been through with it I guess it's not terribly surprising that that could have ended up happening. I think in terms of a lot of it I've basically figured it out and come to terms with it but it's just this one thing that seems to hang around. Talking about it definitely helps, but especially with my last purge I avoided even that.

    Unfortunately it couldn't have waited a week to hit since DST always throws me for a loop enough on its own, so it's going to be a bad week for me. I'm really trying to make an effort to limit my wearing and not go all-out with it, which I guess isn't terribly difficult seeing as I don't have many options with getting things (I don't live on campus and I have my own room, but I don't have a car). The fact that I don't have easy access to things also probably isn't doing me any favors, which is why ordering a couple cloth AIO's online might be a good idea because then they're always around when I want them.

    Now that it's back again, I'm feeling like this time around I really want to actually work it out with myself instead of just pushing it aside. Since I'm not living [permanently] with my parents anymore and I'm not in a dorm I have a little more space to deal with things as I need to.

  6. #6

    Default

    The advice here is good so I'm not going to try to reiterate it. The main point I want to make pertains to this part:



    Quote Originally Posted by nsquared View Post
    I think it more or less focuses on 'why am I doing this', 'this is weird/gross/whatever', 'I don't really need them" or some theme like that.
    As someone pointed out, society is not necessarily right. There is nothing intrinsically wrong with wearing or using diapers. It does not harm anyone and - if it gives you peace of mind or reduces stress - is beneficial to you.

    It's unfortunate that your parents continue to use shaming tactics. Clearly their thinking is difficult to surmount. My point is that they shamed you for accidents because it's impractical to have a kid stay in diapers: it costs more, it's "unclean," if you're a parent you probably would worry about the potential social and personal repercussions that something like bedwetting or diaper use would have on a child.

    I don't mean to justify your parents' methods but their reasons, which seem to be the cognitive obstacles you're facing ("why," "this is weird or gross," "I don't need them," etc.). At that time, maybe you didn't need them. There were reasons not to use them - convenience, cost, etc.

    It is not that time anymore. Your mental life has turned out in such a way that you might be better off wearing diapers. The convenience and cost to your parents are not relevant anymore - they are not changing you or paying for your diapers. You will manage any "uncleanliness" responsibly. This is a matter of considering the costs and benefits, and now that you are on your own, there is no problem with using diapers if it confers some benefit to you.

    I hope this is a helpful way of thinking about it. This is your own decision about managing your mental state. Your parents reasons for making you feel guilty don't apply.

  7. #7

    Default



    Quote Originally Posted by NeverKnow View Post
    It's unfortunate that your parents continue to use shaming tactics. Clearly their thinking is difficult to surmount. My point is that they shamed you for accidents because it's impractical to have a kid stay in diapers: it costs more, it's "unclean," if you're a parent you probably would worry about the potential social and personal repercussions that something like bedwetting or diaper use would have on a child.

    I don't mean to justify your parents' methods but their reasons, which seem to be the cognitive obstacles you're facing ("why," "this is weird or gross," "I don't need them," etc.). At that time, maybe you didn't need them. There were reasons not to use them - convenience, cost, etc.

    It is not that time anymore. Your mental life has turned out in such a way that you might be better off wearing diapers. The convenience and cost to your parents are not relevant anymore - they are not changing you or paying for your diapers. You will manage any "uncleanliness" responsibly. This is a matter of considering the costs and benefits, and now that you are on your own, there is no problem with using diapers if it confers some benefit to you.
    I think that puts it into words really nicely. I definitely do like that way of thinking about it, and I've more or less tried to see it that way but getting past the whole being shamed for dumb things...well, alright maybe not so dumb things at the time in some cases, is really hard to get past. I wet the bed until I was in second or third grade and even though I obviously had no say in that, they felt otherwise. Hell, I even had my sheets taken away once (...I have no words). That said though, part of what could be making actually getting that through my head is that I've spent an inordinate amount of time hiding it from everyone. Going forwards where I'm now with someone who knows and who is accepting that it might be easier to get past it.



    Quote Originally Posted by NeverKnow View Post
    I hope this is a helpful way of thinking about it. This is your own decision about managing your mental state. Your parents reasons for making you feel guilty don't apply.
    Oh yeah, definitely. I'm well beyond questioning why my parents did and do things. I went through that for a while and it got to the point where I realized it doesn't so much matter, since now it's dealing with the results of it. Knowing why has really no bearing on anything, especially since they continue to do it. I have no idea what they hope to achieve by trying to guilt me out of being gay. Or diapers, since they tried that one too when I wasn't very careful with clearing my browsing history ("it's all a big joke, there's no such thing!", "We're accepting and open-minded, but we can't accept that" - accepting, right, if that's what that's called). But I digress, their reasons and opinions really aren't relevant now. Now it's getting over it myself which is really not an easy thing to do. As much as I'm sure I can get over myself, it's frustrating too that I get the urge, and have to tiptoe around myself to indulge without feeling terrible about it.

  8. #8

    Default

    The situation with the parents reminds me of what someone was trying to tell me a long time ago (about something unrelated but relevant) - "THEY're the ones with the dirty minds". I just can't wrap my head around how people can claim to be 'open and accepting' yet cut and run when there's something for them to profit or lose by in direct association with it. I read accounts like this, and am cognitively aware that it's 2013 and we're on the internet, and then hearing about people being disowned by their families and driven to suicide from other's fear of what they don't understand, gives me a weird sense of deja vu that we're stuck in 1950s' Mississippi or something. Really, it's like going up to someone and demanding : 'stop being "black/red/yellow/white/brown"

  9. #9

    Default



    Quote Originally Posted by MOPaddED View Post
    The situation with the parents reminds me of what someone was trying to tell me a long time ago (about something unrelated but relevant) - "THEY're the ones with the dirty minds". I just can't wrap my head around how people can claim to be 'open and accepting' yet cut and run when there's something for them to profit or lose by in direct association with it. I read accounts like this, and am cognitively aware that it's 2013 and we're on the internet, and then hearing about people being disowned by their families and driven to suicide from other's fear of what they don't understand, gives me a weird sense of deja vu that we're stuck in 1950s' Mississippi or something. Really, it's like going up to someone and demanding : 'stop being "black/red/yellow/white/brown"
    Oh yeah, no doubt. It's definitely one thing I've never really understood, because my entire family operates that way. Acceptance from them is 100% conditional based on whether or not you fit their definition of "normal," which I don't. It hurts in the first place, but they also extend that to my friends. As if that isn't bad or offensive enough, they refuse to go online and actually learn about anything outside their 'normal' before saying anything. Literally, the first few things they said to me when I came out (...and I didn't 'come out', they informed me that I was gay and didn't let me refute it) were "Don't get AIDS", "You might not be old enough to know", "Clearly there's something wrong with you with your past history of telling us things" and it goes on and on. They liked to tell me how the gay community worked too, which was pretty hilarious considering how obviously clueless they were/are. I definitely can't make any claims for it being worse than some people who've actually gotten disowned or beaten or...any number or terrible things, but it's still unpleasant.

    The bigger problem is how they go about pushing this. The only way they know of for discipline or getting around people is with guilt. Fortunately, I figured that out pretty early on (not early enough, apparently) and just stopped paying attention to the passive-aggressive crap they threw at me. They still do it, too, it's not like it's something that they're ever going to stop because they don't know any other way of doing things and they don't want to. It hurts me because even now as an adult it gets to me a little, I basically have to be okay with anything I tell them about myself 4 times over or it basically feels like getting hit by a bus. That I assume is where the whole problem with diapers comes in because...well, like anything else...of course that's the way they would deal with it and did deal with it. The fact that it's a problem I have to deal with at all is awful, to say the least. The DL thing still gets brought up on occasion as an argument to remove my credibility because "clearly there is something wrong with [me]." I don't find it at all surprising that I have some problems with wearing given what I remember even later on from when I was younger, although the problems really need to end.

  10. #10

    Default

    Hey there nsquared,

    Not sure how much wisdom I can bring to this conversation, but I hope I can help you by assuring you that you are not alone in your feelings of guilt. Something I have learned about myself is that I am most affected (for better or worse) by people's words. Perhaps you too feel this guilt because of the negative words of your parents and you, like myself, take those words on as a truth, even though in fact they are lies. It takes time, but try to understand that other people cannot define you and they cannot control you. You are letting your parents negative reactions to the things in your life that they don't like be the same reactions you have towards yourself.

    On a lighter note, some musical and cartoony encouragment for you:
    Chin Up / Charlotte's Web - YouTube

Similar Threads

  1. Nothing But Guilt
    By Possibly Insane in forum Adult Babies & Littles
    Replies: 15
    Last Post: 06-Jan-2010, 08:50
  2. Guilt
    By Ch3stersGhost in forum Off-topic
    Replies: 29
    Last Post: 08-May-2009, 21:53

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •  
ADISC.org - the Adult Baby / Diaper Lover / Incontinence Support Community.
ADISC.org is designed to be viewed in Firefox, with a resolution of at least 1280 x 1024.