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Thread: How much does ABDL play on your mate selection?

  1. #1

    Default How much does ABDL play on your mate selection?

    So, it's not a poll because I figure we'll get a lot of different answers that are in between choices... but the general question is 'How big of a part does (or will) ABDL play on you choosing a significant other when dating?'.

    It's something I got to thinking about in the chat, and while reading a lot of the 'telling my girlfriend' threads. Will you let your fetish/lifestyle dictate how you choose a date or mate?

    I definitely had the need to be open with my desire for the ABDL scene- both in the bond between us, and in the bedroom. In relationships where they never knew, I'd try using cues with stuffed animals, the 'baby' pet name, ect... and I could always tell I was just treading around what I really wanted (to be a caretaker/DL).

    I had minimal success with vanilla relationships. They'd come and go (even with two asking me if I was 'one of those freaks' after calling them baby excessively :p) and usually had me wondering in the end what it'd be like if they had any AB/LG urges. I tried, and tried to ignore the underlying desires that would come out- and made strides to accept people for things outside the scene, but I think I knew it was too big of a secret to keep from someone I was supposed to share my life with.

    So I've done it. I've been in a committed relationship for a few years with an ABDL (mostly AB). It started long-distance. Took a huge toll on the rest of my life, as long-distance is known to do. We made sure while courting that we had a lot of outside interests in common. We made long trips to see each other over and over, and I finally moved my life out to be with her.

    I had a little reflection the other day, though. Thought about how lucky I was to have someone to share my desires (as well as interests outside diapers), thankful to have someone to indulge in her AB fantasies, and someone that I'll never have to feel ashamed of my desires. I never wanted a convert, either. I truly believe that you can convert someone to be involved- but a true love is needed. I was too worried to entrust something like that and be shot down. I was also worried that they'd always view my fetish as a burden- and just 'play along' to make me happy. I wanted someone who loved their role in ABDL as much as I did.

    So, even though I provided my side of it- are there bigger issues to the rest of you when searching for significant others? Do you just want to find someone right and convert them? Do you want it to be private forever? Or, do you want someone involved in the scene?

  2. #2


    I'm just a DL myself, so I guess as far as other people are concerned there's a little less going on. It does play a big part for me because I've spent so much time around family and friends who just are not okay with it at all and who won't hesitate to beat on me for it that I can't put up with being with someone who doesn't accept it. It's not something I can in any good faith hide from someone I'm close to.

    Acceptance and respect is all I ask for on the DL front in a relationship. I'm entirely willing to talk about it and run through any concerns that my SO has and make sure that he's comfortable with it too, but that's about as far as it goes. I have no personal need to convert him and I have no need for him to personally be involved with it if he doesn't want to be. As he's okay with me wearing when the desire comes up and it's something I can be open about then I'm happy.

  3. #3


    Mine's entirely centered around the AB/DL lifestyle. For me, diapers are my whole sexuality. I get a bit turned on by a guys but in general it's just diapers that really do it for me. That's why if I didn't have a partner who wasn't 100% okay with participating in the AB/DL parts of the relationship, then the relationship just wouldn't work out.

    I guess that explains why I'm single, but it just wouldn't work out if the other person wasn't AB/DL

  4. #4


    To me, it doesn't matter.

    I'm Incontinent & a bedwetter... have been for my entire life...

    During my early/mid teens, with puberty and sexual stuff I also became sexually attached to the diapers to some degree... I'm also a DL these days.
    I'm "OK" with that, but it's a VERY private matter to me... my Sexuality otherwise is not-diaper related.
    Whilst I think it is a definitive turn on, especially when seen on girls, I would not necessarily want this to be part of my relationship in sexual matters.
    I'm in a long term, very stable relationship with an amazing girl... for over ten year so far. Sex life is good too
    But whilst I have to wear pads/pull-ups or diapers (night mostly) I try to avoid having them "out in the open" or have my GF involved in the diapers in any way. it just doesn't feel right.
    She's go no problem with my IC or Bedwetting or the resulting need for protection... she's got no problem knowing that it's also a bit of a sexual fetish...
    We tried it in "bed" - but it wasn't something that turned her on, and it didn't really do it for me either. so no diapers there.
    Also Changing - I DO NOT WANT TO BE CHANGED by anyone but myself... sure when I've got a fractured hand or whatever... no big deal.
    We tried this too (she changing me) and it was VERY AWKWARD for myself... she didn't mind at all, thought it was quite ok... I nearly freaked out.

    So in short words: no it doesn't matter to me when it comes to choice of partners.
    What does matter to me though (obviously) is that she's got no "problem" with me being incontinent.

  5. #5


    Well, I guess I told my current partner/caretaker/kitty right after we decided that we would date instead of just be friends. She already knew a lot of my childish traits though. I actually realize as I am typing this that the actual wearing of diapers and the actual doing babyish things I just need to be respected for. I don't need someone actively involved in it, but just someone who loves all that I am.. that included. I already knew she cared about me and didn't think less of me for feeling younger then my physical age would speak to people.. and so I was ready for whatever. That's what I need.

    I'm lucky that she indeed was fine with all of it, and very sweet about the entire thing.. but as long as she hadn't tried to keep me from doing it I would have been fine. That would very much be my line, if I was asked to not do things that make me happy.. then I just start thinking this probably won't work out. Not that I wouldn't compromise, but "don't ever do it" isn't much of a compromise.

  6. #6


    Well considering my ABDL side was an absolutely personal secret when I began dating my partner, and that I never even imagined I would share it with anyone, thinking it was way too freaky, NO, it had no bearing as far as I can tell on my selection of a partner. Now all that said, since coming to terms with who I am, and having invited my partner into my secret world, my perspective could be different. The interesting thing for me, is that the love I feel for my partner, transcends any personal desires or needs I might have, and so even though she is now aware of my deeply personal inner self, our relationship is still primarily outside of it. My feeling is that this is probably healthier for us than if the ABDL stuff was at the core of our relationship.

    Would I like to have someone who'd willingly initiate babying me, well hell yeah, do I worry that I'd perhaps loose touch with reality if that were the case.... Hell yeah!

    I'm happy enough, still challenging, but at least I'm winning slowly

  7. #7


    I have had both types of partners over the years and while it can be a hell of a lot easier to be with someone who is also kinky it's just not healthy if that's all you have in common. I think you need to focus on making sure you find a mate that has the same life goals as you and you can coexist well with. Those I think are key for a healthy long term relationship. Now if they also happen to be on the same page with you sexually then it's all the better. I have an accepting partner, but not a participating partner which leaves a lot of my personal wants in the AB/DL spectrum unfulfilled. Would it be nice to have someone who could participate and indulge in all of this with me, absolutely, but I wouldn't trade all the good stuff I have with my fiancÚ for it.

  8. #8

    Default Re: How much does ABDL play on your mate selection?

    I just had it in mind to tell my future wife about my DL and that acceptance would be up to them. It worked out great for my wife, and then when I discovered the non-sexual AB part of me, we both discovered she had some ageplay aspects about her too. She participates in my AB but she hasn't changed my diaper yet.

    Like the previous poster has said, it is better to have a compatible, accepting but non participating SO for 40 years than to have a "super-playmate" with nothing else in common and who leaves you in 2 months, taking your crib and stash with them (lol).

    God has blessed me with her.

  9. #9


    I don't believe the replies about having things in common with an ABDL partner were directed at me, but I want to elaborate that I think it's important, too.

    Everything people have said about having more going on in a relationship than diapers is correct. There's no way any relationship can stay afloat solely on ageplay.

    I spent quite awhile looking for a partner in the ABDL world, and went through a couple of real-life dating experiences with ABs before I found one that I fell for. I met plenty of ageplayers that were just not on my level through emails, chats, skypes, ect. Long-distance and online dating is extremely taxing on the senses and time, for anyone who's interested. Some couldn't hold conversations, others wanted to be engulfed in the ABDL world. There were so many who weren't right for me. You really do need to find someone to connect with- but I'm a believer that if you invest enough time, and know you want someone in the scene- there's hope that you can find someone.

    I'm not writing that last part to put myself above others in the scene, or anything. I just want to tell everyone to not settle when looking for someone serious through these methods. You can surely spend time together and find out, but don't commit to someone if you find it's the only thing you like about them.

    - - - Updated - - -

    Also, I appreciate all the replies and am happy for everyone, no matter what type of relationship you have with them involving ABDL! Everyone needs love, remember that!

  10. #10


    I'm an AB. and I don't have any sexual desires. I have never had any and I have no desires to have it. Ho I have good friends they bug me about it.
    I would have to say I'm strait. I’m 50 now

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