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Thread: What to say when I tell my partner?

  1. #1

    Default What to say when I tell my partner?

    I'm having a bit of a dilemma about what the best way to tell my boyfriend is. I've seen lots of posts about people deciding whether or not they should tell someone, or what happened afterwards, but not a lot of information on what to actually say. I'm struggling on how to broach the subject with my boyfriend of one and a half years. He already knows that I'm in to baby stuff in general - a couple of months ago I told him I liked to wear onesies as special pajamas, and we've moved into him giving me 'baby cuddles' where he puts me into a onesie and gives me some taps on the bottom while rocking me. We've since added baby lotion and combined it with some more intimate time together, and he usually calls me his baby with things like, "Does the baby want his onesie?" So needless to say, he's pretty open and accepting about it.



    Sounds pretty good right? You're probably thinking, "He's obviously OKwith it - just tell him!" But he also seems to be kinda reluctant to initiate it sometimes, 9 times out of 10 I usually have to ask him. Added to that was something he said when we were walking through the infant section in Ikea a couple of months ago, where after I pointed out potties he told me, "Potties? Oh no, I don't know what I'd do if you asked me for a potty. I think I'd draw the line before potties." So I'm a little hesitant. In an ideal world he would just suprise me one night with a diaper behind his back and go to town, but I feel like I should take the first step and just talk to him. So what do I say? How do I start this conversation with him? I'm ok with him not wanting to participate, but given that we're planning on moving in together soon and that we've known each other long enough, I at least want him to be aware and accepting of what I'm into.



    If anyone has gone through something similar, your input would be totally appreciated!



    tl;dr - what do i say to my boyfriend to tell him I want him to diaper me?

  2. #2

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    Seriously, if youre already getting the babying treatment you say you are, what the hell are you waiting for... Well ofcourse I know all too well the dillema of introducing the subject cold to a SO, but youre already so far down the track...and he seems to enjoy it...just tell him you like diapers already, I'm sure he'll understand...I mean its not like you aren't already being coddled in a onesie lol. Honestly, just go for it, introduce the diapers, but keep it at that for now... save the 'usage' question for later. I would say that spilling the beans about the diapers is easier than the babying stuff. just my experience. But hey, if the guy cares for you, I expect he'll understand... Just be sure this is what you want.........There's no puttin the genie back in the bottle if you catch my drift.
    Good luck.

  3. #3

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    phantombrave,

    unfortunately, there is no prepared speech that works for such situations. Everyone is different - and I guess you know your Boyfriend better than anyone here does.

    That aside, there's a few "generalized" aspects to how to tell, what to say / do... that would help to make the situation less "problematic".

    - DO Not turn it into a too big an issue... by "poofing" it up, it will communicate something "SERIOUSLY WRONG" usually... if you act slightly normal about your desires, it's a good chance it will not come over "freak-style".

    - EVERYONE has LIMITS. And you have no choice but to respect them. Limits are sometimes though not fixed for life - but it takes a lot of time... NEVER be pushy... if your BF sees the limits with a Potty, accept it. I'm NOT an AB... but if my girl would be into it, I seriously wouldn't want her to use a potty for No. 2,... that would gross me out. Same goes for turning a whole room into a "nursery"... that would be pushing it over the line for myself. But that's the thing: INDIVIDUAL LIMITS.

    - Take it easy - Step by step... depending on what your "fantasies" are, try to not offload all of them unto him at once... it can be overwhelming & confusing.

    - Be open about your partners (Boyfriend) own fantasies and desires... Sometimes if you share your fetish-world with someone else, they will open up about what's driving them "wild"

    - Be grown-up about this: Try to explain it, try not to make it into something that is "take it or leave me"-style stuff... often someone will perceive it as being "If I don't accept this, it will ruin the relationship, but I can't accept it... so over it is" in their heads... and that can actually lead to problems.


    and last but not least, maybe your partner will be fine with you wearing diapers... maybe he will even try to put one on you if that is what you wish, maybe he will only then find out that this is something he can't deal with. and you need to accept that but also be prepared for this possible outcome... let him know that it's ok... let him know, that whilst this is a part of who you are, you're ok with him not being involved, that you love him and want to be with him - unrelated to his "decision".



    About how to approach this:

    - Depending on how sexually open he is, you can try the "fetish-talk"...
    - you can ask him if there's something like a fetish or whatever that he has and would like to try out share, you can also imply that there's one that you'd like to get out in the open.
    - you can casually tell him, that you like to wear diapers and would love the AB part...
    - you can...

  4. #4

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    Quote Originally Posted by phantombrave View Post
    [snipped]He already knows that I'm in to baby stuff in general - a couple of months ago I told him I liked to wear onesies as special pajamas,[snipped]
    Just to clarify for people giving advice, is the onesie you're describing pajamas with feet or a T-shirt with snaps at the crotch? There seems to be a lot of confusion on this point lately and I think footie pajamas, which are becoming sort of faddishly popular vs. a shirt made for keeping a diaper in place sets a different scene when we're trying to divine where your boyfriend's head is at in all this.

  5. #5

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    I've often asked my bf what he would think of me being an AB or what he would think about trying different AB activities. Usually he's response centres around the concern that as much as he would find me cute and adorable he would also still be sexually attracted to me and that seems very wrong to him. I think maybe you should be very clear that his involvement wouldn't indicate a secret passion for under-aged children or anything like that. Maybe highlight that it is in fact more about the trust you want to invest in him and possibly throw the word idolize in there because little ones can idolize there care giver. Sell it as a submissive journey not as a kinky taboo fetish? Make it more about him being the daddy than you being a baby? I'm just rambling now...

  6. #6

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    Quote Originally Posted by ozbub View Post
    Seriously, if youre already getting the babying treatment you say you are, what the hell are you waiting for... Well ofcourse I know all too well the dillema of introducing the subject cold to a SO, but youre already so far down the track...and he seems to enjoy it...just tell him you like diapers already, I'm sure he'll understand...I mean its not like you aren't already being coddled in a onesie lol. Honestly, just go for it, introduce the diapers, but keep it at that for now... save the 'usage' question for later. I would say that spilling the beans about the diapers is easier than the babying stuff. just my experience. But hey, if the guy cares for you, I expect he'll understand... Just be sure this is what you want.........There's no puttin the genie back in the bottle if you catch my drift.
    Good luck.
    That's kind of what I was thinking too. He's been kind of hesitant about the babying thing but he sees how much I love it and has gone out of his way to make it happen. Just last week he was cool enough to surprise me by tying me up and blindfolding me with some handkerchiefs, putting me into a onesie, and then using a bit of baby lotion on me while talking to me like I was his baby. Considering that, I think the genie is already out of the bottle lol. I think this is pretty far along compared to others who are telling their partner for the first time, so maybe I've got less to lose.



    Quote Originally Posted by EPO1 View Post
    phantombrave,

    unfortunately, there is no prepared speech that works for such situations. Everyone is different - and I guess you know your Boyfriend better than anyone here does.

    That aside, there's a few "generalized" aspects to how to tell, what to say / do... that would help to make the situation less "problematic".

    - DO Not turn it into a too big an issue... by "poofing" it up, it will communicate something "SERIOUSLY WRONG" usually... if you act slightly normal about your desires, it's a good chance it will not come over "freak-style".

    - EVERYONE has LIMITS. And you have no choice but to respect them. Limits are sometimes though not fixed for life - but it takes a lot of time... NEVER be pushy... if your BF sees the limits with a Potty, accept it. I'm NOT an AB... but if my girl would be into it, I seriously wouldn't want her to use a potty for No. 2,... that would gross me out. Same goes for turning a whole room into a "nursery"... that would be pushing it over the line for myself. But that's the thing: INDIVIDUAL LIMITS.

    - Take it easy - Step by step... depending on what your "fantasies" are, try to not offload all of them unto him at once... it can be overwhelming & confusing.

    - Be open about your partners (Boyfriend) own fantasies and desires... Sometimes if you share your fetish-world with someone else, they will open up about what's driving them "wild"

    - Be grown-up about this: Try to explain it, try not to make it into something that is "take it or leave me"-style stuff... often someone will perceive it as being "If I don't accept this, it will ruin the relationship, but I can't accept it... so over it is" in their heads... and that can actually lead to problems.


    and last but not least, maybe your partner will be fine with you wearing diapers... maybe he will even try to put one on you if that is what you wish, maybe he will only then find out that this is something he can't deal with. and you need to accept that but also be prepared for this possible outcome... let him know that it's ok... let him know, that whilst this is a part of who you are, you're ok with him not being involved, that you love him and want to be with him - unrelated to his "decision".



    About how to approach this:

    - Depending on how sexually open he is, you can try the "fetish-talk"...
    - you can ask him if there's something like a fetish or whatever that he has and would like to try out share, you can also imply that there's one that you'd like to get out in the open.
    - you can casually tell him, that you like to wear diapers and would love the AB part...
    - you can...
    Tons of good points. I've been pretty proactive in talking about our likes and dislikes and go out of my way to make them happen for him. Right now though, he's not really sure about what he's into so we're more exploring that anything. I agree about not making it into a big issue - the thought has been echoed elsewhere on the boards that if you make it a big deal where it seems like you're guilty, then that's how it'll be picked up by your SO. And about the limits, I think that's a big thing too. I'd be ecstatic if he indulged my kinks and was happy enough to do it once every couple of months or so, but if the line is drawn at him knowing and accepting, even if he doesn't want to hear about it, that's fine by me. I really feel like this relationship is moving forward to a place where things are getting more serious, and I'd rather tell him now than risk him finding something incriminating.




    Quote Originally Posted by Trevor View Post
    Just to clarify for people giving advice, is the onesie you're describing pajamas with feet or a T-shirt with snaps at the crotch? There seems to be a lot of confusion on this point lately and I think footie pajamas, which are becoming sort of faddishly popular vs. a shirt made for keeping a diaper in place sets a different scene when we're trying to divine where your boyfriend's head is at in all this.
    Baby onesie, as in snap-crotch diaper shirt. He's been supportive about that and has even helped me pick out some new ones, albeit a little reluctantly. Sometimes I feel like I may be rushing him, or pushing him by bringing it up, but I'm worried that if I drop it it'll turn into something forgotten or ignored and I'll be left unhappy. So I had to bug him a few times to get him to help pick out designs, but he's been involved with it and ended up choosing the dino-print one from babypants, so I'm pretty sure he realises these aren't just 'different pajamas'. I was actually going to use that to springboard into the conversation - pick up some of the 'big boy training pants' too, wait till the order arrives, and segue from there. Good idea?



    Quote Originally Posted by Treacle View Post
    I've often asked my bf what he would think of me being an AB or what he would think about trying different AB activities. Usually he's response centres around the concern that as much as he would find me cute and adorable he would also still be sexually attracted to me and that seems very wrong to him. I think maybe you should be very clear that his involvement wouldn't indicate a secret passion for under-aged children or anything like that. Maybe highlight that it is in fact more about the trust you want to invest in him and possibly throw the word idolize in there because little ones can idolize there care giver. Sell it as a submissive journey not as a kinky taboo fetish? Make it more about him being the daddy than you being a baby? I'm just rambling now...
    I didn't even consider that, I'm glad you brought it up. He totally considers himself a nurturer and has said so a few times, so I think for him it'd be more of a caregiving type approach. We've also done the deed once while I was wearing, so I think he's OK with differentiating, but I'll definitely reinforce that there's a major split and that AB/DL has nothing to do with pedophilia.


    Thanks for all the advice so far guys, it really helps This board is probably the most consistently mature (ironically lol) and helpful when it comes to discussions

  7. #7

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    It seems like you are pretty far along and I doubt he will be surprised if you throw diapers into the mix. I have not come out to anyone so I don't think I will try to tell you what to say. (Sorry! I know that's what you were asking for.) Rather I'm just going to provide some input where I think another opinion could be useful.

    From what you written the main concern would probably his hesitation. If it seems like you're initiating it quickly (because the gradual approach seems to be working), then don't rush it. And stress that he doesn't have to participate in anything that makes it uncomfortable.

    As far as distinguishing from pedophilia - I feel like that may be more of a "nip-it-in-the-bud" sort of thing. If it comes up and is one of his concerns, then be quick and decisive in differentiating them. If not, it might be a little strange to present it too forcefully, and I think you might just want to present the sexual aspects of this in an unambiguous way so that if it did come up, any argument you make would be supported by what you have already told him. Don't go on the defensive if there is no offensive!

  8. #8

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    Since you have a lot of good advise, I will merely share my story. About five years ago my wife discovered my diaper order on line. After trying to deny the order, I chose a quiet time to tell her everything. She knows I'm different anyway, but this was a whole lot more different! I explained to her why I thought I liked diapers, and how they fulfilled a need. I explained that they were sexual and thus a fetish. I mentioned that I wasn't happy about that, but that it was something I've had to live with my entire life, as I knew I wanted to be back in diapers by the time I was four.

    In my case, I was adopted at the age of two, and I believe I left my birth parents and was in an adoptive orphanage for a while. Given those circumstances, not having a mother's love at infancy, what was probably sporadic potty training and a lack of love until I was adopted, it made sense to my wife. She was very accepting and now buys me babyish things like my sleepers, onsies, sippy cups, etc.

    I think you should give what you are going to say a lot of thought, and try to rationalize why you enjoy diapers. It's a logical question your partner will either ask or have on his mind. I'm a believer that with understanding comes acceptance. I also believe that love works through all the oddities associated with our lives.

  9. #9

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    umm, in my experience, my bf is the one who told me about this. I remember he told me carefully, feel afraid I won't accept him (and we had never done things like you did with your bf). The first thing he told me was about pacifier, he said he like it. I was like "what on earth" but I gradually understand as he began to say about this DL thing, it is the part of him anyway. Maybe you should just tell him you like it to be treated like that and you like the stuffs he showed to you?

  10. #10

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    perhaps it would help to view some appropriate websites together to help explain the attraction and dispel any notions about pedophilia also you could look at some decent abdl pictures to show that adult diapers can look really cute and not just like elderly incontinence pads or something. i think adisc has links somewhere to some very helpful sites.

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