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Thread: I hate this

  1. #1

    Default I hate this

    I am really struggling here. I have stopped wearing for a few months ever since I moved into my new apartment, but recently got the urges again. I don't want to wear, I honestly don't enjoy it. I hype it up in my mind and then when I actually wear and use the diapers I hate it. It's a combination of shame and disgust. I don't know how to either completely stop using or stop feeling this way when I do. Does this make any sense to anyone else?

  2. #2

    Default

    It would help more to know if the brain hype is calling you to wear for comfort or for sexual reasons. I can see the shame and disgust stemming from the paraphilic side of it. But yes I had something similar the other day where in my case I allowed someone to anger me and it led to momentary doubts about whether I'll enjoy wearing in the future. But your case could be simply the type of diaper you're using, if you always use the same brand, leading to a letdown. Bear in mind though that your mood plays a big part of how the experience will go

  3. #3

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    I think this is a typical feeling to have when you're young. When I was in college, I called it "my blackest deed". I thought I was crazy. It made absolutely no sense, yet I was driven to wet my make-shift diapers, and then after the grand climax, I would hate myself. Over time, you should learn to accept yourself, and accept that this is a part of your psychological makeup. Remember that you didn't choose this, but rather, it chose you. Consider that it causes no harm, and it doesn't change who you are.

    Where this can become a problem is in dating and mating. The desire will probably always be there, so you will have to find ways to manage it. I eventually told my wife and she was very accepting. Now, two or three nights a week I go to bed diapered, and it's very comforting for me. I no longer feel guilty or "dirty", so it's become both pleasurable and peaceful. I hope you can get to that place.

  4. #4

    Default

    You're not too likely to get a helpful answer from us on stopping, it's not really what we're good at. The post-peak crash isn't so uncommon, though. I think it's all about being able to accept this part of yourself. It's weird but that doesn't make it bad. I'd be pretty surprised to hear from anyone that they didn't have something about themselves that they thought made them strange or worried about others learning. At least in my case, the more accepting I was of my quirks, the less pressing they were upon me. Try viewing yourself with the same understanding you'd give to someone else with a similar trait.

  5. #5

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    Quote Originally Posted by Cheezmunkey91 View Post
    I am really struggling here. I have stopped wearing for a few months ever since I moved into my new apartment, but recently got the urges again. I don't want to wear, I honestly don't enjoy it. I hype it up in my mind and then when I actually wear and use the diapers I hate it. It's a combination of shame and disgust. I don't know how to either completely stop using or stop feeling this way when I do. Does this make any sense to anyone else?
    hello there, and welcome to ADISC;
    my name is lodge wrecker.....

    if i may suggest, how about just wearing a diaper when the mood strikes, but not using it. simply keep it clean..... there are folks who like to wear for comfort and pleasure. but who for whatever reason, don't want to use their diaper. just maybe at this point in time, doing it this way might best suit your needs and mind set.

    there is also something to be said for making friends here on ADISC because as you get to know and understand all of us here and our many motivations for what we do and how we deal with it, you too may start to see some part of what motivates you in.... well, in us. even though none of us are the same, we all share similarities to one extent or another.

    just try not to be too critical or judgmental of yourself, or your needs. after all, what does a little fluffy softness between your legs hurt once in a while..... (soft smile)
    after all, you can always take it off.... or even quit if you become uncomfortable.

  6. #6

    Default

    When I was younger, I felt a lot of shame about my desire to wear diapers. As a teenager, putting on a makeshift diaper, I felt as if the Devil was luring me in to something. (I wasn't religious, so I didn't actually believe the Devil was influencing me. This was just an image I had in my head.)

    As a college student, I resolved several times to stop wearing diapers, and each time I threw out my stash. One time I even threw out a footed sleeper. A few weeks or months later, I'd be back in the drugstore, buying more. I don't regret getting rid of the sleeper, since it was ugly and way too big for me. But purging my diaper supply and then buying more wasn't good for my wallet or for my psyche.

    As I got older, I stopped feeling shame about wearing diapers, and the binge-purge cycle stopped. I think the shame went away because I realized two things. First, wearing diapers isn't actually bad or wrong. I tried to think about what might make it wrong to wear diapers for pleasure, and the only thing I could think of was harm to the environment. But that's not a reason to stop wearing diapers altogether. It's a reason to make diapers less often, or to switch to cloth.

    Second, I realized my desire to wear diapers wasn't going away. I'd tried to get rid of the desire several times, and it didn't work. Trying to get rid of the desire to wear diapers was psychologically painful. Since wearing diapers for pleasure isn't bad, wouldn't it be easier to accept the desire and stop trying to change it?

    Paradoxically, accepting my desire to wear diapers has made the desire less powerful. Diapers had a more powerful, more compulsive attraction for me when I saw them as forbidden. Now that I see diapers as a perfectly acceptable indulgence, I still enjoy them, and I still have a desire to wear them, but I rarely experience the desire as a compulsion.

  7. #7

    Default Re: I hate this

    I agree with everyone. I too felt guilt and shame about being an aby. You do have to accept it, but that's easier said than done. I've been working on that for years with help. I'm getting better about accepting my diaper and baby interests.

    If you don't you'll see. It's something that comes back again and again.


    Sent from my DROID RAZR using Tapatalk 2

  8. #8

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    Quote Originally Posted by Cheezmunkey91 View Post
    I am really struggling here. I have stopped wearing for a few months ever since I moved into my new apartment, but recently got the urges again. I don't want to wear, I honestly don't enjoy it. I hype it up in my mind and then when I actually wear and use the diapers I hate it. It's a combination of shame and disgust. I don't know how to either completely stop using or stop feeling this way when I do. Does this make any sense to anyone else?
    Absolutely, I think it's ground we've all covered at some stage. In the grand scheme of things, being DL is harmless. Be disgusted with violent people or cruel people, be ashamed of selfish people and vindictive people; but don't misplace shame or disgust on yourself for having urges beyond the realm of the norm. Being DL doesn't make you sick; it doesn't make you wrong or perverse. We're taught at a very young age that big boys and girls don't wear nappies; and - if you still hang on to nappies to this day - that sense of shame and expectation will only grow. What you have to remember is, there was a reason your parents/guardians wanted you out of nappies. Firstly, nappies are expensive and meant extra work for them cleaning up poop! Secondly, they were raised in the same culture; namely, you get out of nappies and get ready for socialising in school... IOW, it's kind of a coming-of-age thing.

    The difference for you, me and most ABs/DLs/DFs/BFs on here is that we still like to wear them.

    So ask yourself, based on what I've said above:

    Do your parents still change your nappies - presumably not!
    Do your parents have to pay for your nappies - presumably not!
    Is this something you share with your parents - presumably not!

    In which case, let the shame and disgust go; by which I mean, accept the shame and disgust - let it pass through you; it's a relic of a time in your childhood when it had meaning; when potty training was a coming-of-age thing and when parents ultimately wanted a son/daughter that could blend in at school. It doesn't have relevance for you now. It might feel like it does, but it really really doesn't.

    Hope that's a help

  9. #9

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    There are a lot of great posts here.

    I've also had similar thoughts, but I have had diapers on my mind since I was incredibly young. From that perspective - where could the urges go? They are a part of me, and psychologies do not change easily. I think once you come to terms with that fact you just need to figure out what you can make of one of your qualities that will not change. I am very familiar with the feelings of shame and disgust after using makeshift diapers, but I am trying to find some compromise where diapers can exist in my life constructively.

  10. #10

    Default



    Quote Originally Posted by Cheezmunkey91 View Post
    I am really struggling here. I have stopped wearing for a few months ever since I moved into my new apartment, but recently got the urges again. I don't want to wear, I honestly don't enjoy it. I hype it up in my mind and then when I actually wear and use the diapers I hate it. It's a combination of shame and disgust. I don't know how to either completely stop using or stop feeling this way when I do. Does this make any sense to anyone else?
    Whazzup Cheezmunkey91 and welcome here.
    I don't know how long you have been into this but it sounds like you are still new to this diaper thing.
    I was just like you in the beginning stages and what you described faded away completely 2 years later, so start accepting this as a part of you, and DON'T CHANGE YOUR MIND!
    The dreaded binge purge cycle will keep you unhappy as long as you stop your habit then start again in an endless miserable cycle.
    Try going to sleep in one and feel the comfort it brings to you, then in the morning simply remove and wear your normal underwear.
    Once you strike a balance within yourself by how when or how often you wear, you will know it .
    Especially if perhaps one day, you drank too much water or had a few to many drnks that night and are really tired, and you used them for a purpose.
    It wont disgust and ashame you nearly as much and in time should completely fade away within time.
    ACCEPTANCE, ACCEPTANCE ,ACCEPTANCE is key.

    Best wishes, Luckyfish.

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