A lot of my interest here is still filled with self-loathing, embarrassment and shame. I'm past the binge/purge cycles, at least, but I'm definitely not one who is secure with this fetish.
One person knows. My boyfriend of 4 years. We've had some playtime, and even though I love it, afterward I go through this massive guilt and revulsion cycle. I haven't had the urge in at least 6-8 months and I am totally happy about that (had a few dreams here and there but never the urge).
Anyway, I have so much self-hate for this, I guess the self-actualization is coming along very slowly for me... but what happens if my boyfriend and I break up? 4 years is a long time and it's not like I'm really contemplating a break up... but if he isn't the one... How do I go on in life knowing that someone out there knows this huge, huge secret about me? Someone I can no longer trust?
Honestly, the idea of it makes me so sick. Any experiences to share?