Does anybody else not want to be ABDL?
I've accepted it and it gives me pleasure but it also has crippled my romantic life worse than just having Asperger's Disorder (don't you dare tell me it's not a disorder) already did. I'm afraid of intimacy because intimacy means having to trust people with this secret. I'm sick of the burden. I struggle with depression and suicidal thioughts, and my depression often centers around this. In the last 10 years (I'm only 27) I've had ONE girlfriend who manipulated me using her knowledge of my ABDL side and exposed me more than once to her sick hacker friends, who then hacked my facebook (or possibly she did it and pretended it was someone else) and exposed me as an ABDL. Fortunately I was able to convince most people it was a joke. I had a two year and several month relationship with her and it destroyed my trust, left with me with post-traumatic stress disorder, and even more anxiety surround ABDL.
Does anybody else feel this way about being ABDL? I really hate that it's a part of me; the fact that I also find is pleasurable is irrelevant, since it also brings me so much pain.
I know I can't get rid of it. I've tried. Aversion therapy. Sex counseling. I just want a normal girlfriend who accepts me and is cool with just keeping it in the bedroom, but I know I'll never find that. I'm too messed up.
I've never had any luck with internet dating. And I don't want a relationship based on diapers. I just want a relationship. But that's impossible. Because of ABDL.