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Thread: hey everyone

  1. #1

    Default hey everyone

    hi, my name is Phillip and I have been a DL for a long time, since I can remember (around age 4) I am now 31 and I have had a hard time coping with the feelings that I have.
    Sometimes I feel so alone and have considered suicide as an easy out, these feelings are fewer and further between but they still hit me sometimes.
    Let me tell you guys my story, and what has happend to me the last few years that has really affected me emotionally. A few years ago, my best friend since high school started dating a nice girl for him, and in the process she got pregnant. Soon after that, my friend bought a house to raise his new family in , he got it for a smoking deal from HUD, It was a beautifull stone house built in the 30's and needed quite a bit of work to make it livable, the floors had severe water damage, the plumbing was unuseable and needed total replacement, the plaster was falling off the walls and needed replacing, no insulation at all in the house and electrical was not up to current code in most of the house.
    Now the property that he bought was on an acre lot with a small guest house out back. He brought up the idea that I should live in it since I was out of work and helping him with the house and it would cut back the travel time for me to get to his new house, so I agree to stay there.
    Ok, now up untill now I never discussed the feelings I had and one night after drinking some bourbon and coke with my best friend, I spilled my guts about my unusual fettish and he seemed accepting.
    Over time we got the main house liveable, I plumbed the house, wired it, help hang drywall and replaced all the floors and joist, it was a big job. and they moved in being my "neighbors" all was great.
    But this is where things change, there little boy who is 2 at this time really held a place in my heart, he was the sweetest kid I ever known, needless to say I adored him and loved him with my heart.
    One day I get a message on my phone telling me to pack up and get out, jon had found my diaper stash in the guest house and he and his lady were feaking out, thinking I was a child Molester and all kinds of hurtfull stuff. I am so hurt that they think that but how can I blame them? I would be probably freak out myself If I were in there shoes. I Just hate that I lost my best friend and It really hurts to be misjudged and hurts even worse that they wont hear me out on the whole matter. I dont know I just needed to vent.

  2. #2

    Default Re: hey everyone

    Im sorry to hear about your situation. If he is not going to hear you out and is closed to anything you have to say, then you should try to move on. Otherwise talk about it with them. Let them know that this doesn't involve kids. Say that you're the one that wants to be the kid. Show them the documentary "15 stone baby."

    I was caught a few times myself. Its almost the worst feeling in the world because I are so ashamed of MYSELF. I contemplated suicide several times daily. I would cry myself to sleep at times.

    Its hard to get someone to understand you especially when you don't understand yourself. I don't think any of us here fully understands ourselves. The guilt of it all, all comes from being into something that has been frowned upon since going through potty training.

    Your friend is definitely confused. He probably has no idea about what this is. He's seen your diapers and doesn't know what to think. His initial reaction is a misunderstanding one. If you want to salvage your friendship, get him to talk to you and come out. Grab some material if you want him to understand. If you want to be thought of as a pedophile and leave it that way, no telling what can happen. Leaving him to rationalize what he has seen on his own will do that. You have to grab your balls and let him know who you are or hes always going to think of you as something you're not.

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