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Thread: relationship saving

  1. #1

    Unhappy relationship saving

    iHi all I came out to my wife last year she was not happy at all,and this has now come to the point in order to avoid divorce I had to agree to bin all my plastic pants apart from 1 pair which as a compromise she said I can keep and take with me for wearing nights when I am away from home working,I am allowed to keep a stock of disposables to wear underneath again when away from was extremely upsetting throwing away a dozen pairs of my favourite plastic panties but it was either agree to my wifes demands or divorce.she has told my daughter which is embarrassing that I have given up my advice is that if this is something you have kept hidden for a long time think twice before coming out to your so or it may backfire like it has on me,however I will still wear when she's away !!

  2. #2


    Hello there Boroughbaby.
    Saddens me greatly to read your post above. Obviously most of the world will frown on the fact that some of us enjoy the comfort of wearing such items. But for ones life partner to be quite so blunt about it is indeed sad. That she needed to tell your daughter really surprises me also. There was no need for that.
    You seem to be making the most of it, and I am sure your business travel might just increase a little in the coming weeks, but I really hope your family come around a little and realize that this is something extremely innocent. You are still the person they know and care for. You have always been this person. And it is hardly as if you are doing anything dangerous, illegal etc.
    Hope you work it all out.
    take care

  3. #3


    CThankyou for your reply ,this is the second time this has been mentioned to my daughter who agreed with my wife I had to give this up or her husband if he found out would not let me see my granddaughters who I love very much,although my wife did say I would not harm them at wife did say the reason she could not accept my infantalism was because in her head she would not be wanting to make love to a baby and the whole thing was not normal behavior of an adult man and if she had known before we were married would not have married me. I have wet the bed by accident twice in a month ,instead of being sympathetic said don't get any ideas about wearing diapers in bed which is of course one answer .

  4. #4


    That is wrong of your wife to tell your daughter. Its your privacy and should be kept that way.

  5. #5


    This is a risk we take when telling others. For some reason there is often a misguided desire to tell all, yet things go wrong very often. My marriage ended in divorce and the diapers were a part of the reason. Although for me she thought I had quit.

    One of the pieces of guidance I will often give there is that the wearing of diapers is not necessarily a problem unless it interferes with your normal life. For one that are married this is also going to include your wife. In many ways this is the situation you clearly find yourself in.

    Negotiation and compromise is an important part of any healthy relationship. So while you may have an emotional connection to the plastic pants we really should take a very simplistic look at the situation. What is more important to you, your wife or the plastic pants? I know that even if it were a toss up for me that I would, knowing what I know now, choose my wife. I would make this choice because divorce is a terrible thing, and this doesn't even count how it hurts the children.

    If your relationship is not healthy, and it sounds like this could be the case, I would look for a way to let her know that she is the most important part of your life. Now this may not be true, it could have a great relationship or that the diapers are far more important to you. Now would be a good time to sit down, without any distractions, and determine what is most important to you in your life.

    My relationship had turned absolutely bitter, from both sides, and I often looked to her faults as the explanation. Over the years since I have come to understand that I was as much at fault, if not more to than she ever was.

    One very powerful principal in healing a relationship, and something I wish I had known 10 years ago. The first best way to heal a relationship is to heal the people in that relationship.

  6. #6


    Quote Originally Posted by boroughbaby View Post
    ibut it was either agree to my wifes demands or divorce
    Either way it sounds like you'll be miserable with the result but in one scenario you have your wife who doesn't seem to be very understanding or even willing to attempt to understand. Have you guys considered professional help for this?

  7. #7


    This situation is indeed a sad one. Your wife telling your daughter was NOT right. I don't know how old you daughter is, but by the sound of it, she is a teen? I have personally witnessed a marriage fall apart once. The wife in that relationship was a total,,,well you know what I was getting at. She was a micro manager. Didn't want much to do with her husband, tried to use the kids against him in everything she could find. The husband agreed to counseling, she went a handful of time and quit. In the end, the divorce happened. The husband did the counseling, did everything the lawyer told him to do, and still she divorced him.

    I am blessed in that I have a WONDERFUL wife. She has her struggles in understanding my Infantilism interest. But we maintain open and honest communication. However, only you know your wife, we don't. Hanging in there and trying to heal the relationship is a noble idea. And yes, that can work. But you have to evaluate the entire situation, weigh everything, and make a decision if it is worth it.

    From my first hand knowledge, sometimes a person can be in a no-win situation. In that case, do what you have to for yourself. In my own personal opinion, one shouldn't have the right to divorce unless you are cheated on, or physically abused. It sounds like neither has happened to you. It is good that your wife is trying, as it seems, to reach a compromise. You have to determine if it is fair. Your daughter already knows, so I don't see any need to worry about collateral damage control that way. If things fall apart, let her be the one to initiate it. If you hang in there, and do what your share of the spousal responsibilities, then for her to divorce you over just a matter of diapers is really sad. At least you would be free of guilt knowing you weren't the one to throw in the towel.

  8. #8


    I feel bad that you have to really isolate yourself from your wife in order to indulge. To tell your daughter is really messed up. I hope one day your wife does let you have more freedom.

    Long before me and my wife knew what a DL or an AB was, I told her while we were dating and she was accepting. I thank God for that. It did not have to go that way. She could have said no to me.

    In fairness, and this is a bitter pill I have to take too, what we do is disgusting to almost all non-DLs, even the very accepting ones. It's disgusting to plenty of DLs too, which leads to big issues with self-acceptance among us. I have accepted it, but I am and always will be disgusted by my DL. The only thing we can do is keep it hidden from non-DLs, including spouses if they ask us to do so, out of courtesy. And if we do get caught by a DL other than an S. O., just telling them that is our business and to leave us alone, and let them decide whether or not to respect us in their minds.

    I hope and pray all goes well between you two.

  9. #9


    First of all, I'm very sad about how things have gone for you.

    Secondly, thanks for posting about it. I've been on this forum for a little over a year and there seems to have been a phase in which everyone was all about horror stories about coming out and then, more recently, a phase in which everyone is all about how well it worked out for them. We need both of these things.

    But primarily, and I can't emphasize this enough, please try to get family counseling for you and your wife. This is not something that can just be ignored in the future whether or not you feel you can get by without diapers. This could have been lots of other things; but whatever it is it is a very serious fracture in the foundation of your relationship. You almost certainly can heal this, but you (and your wife) are going to have to deal with it.

    In case you are assuming that the counselor will simply ridicule you, be reassured that reputable counselors will not think that this is a major failure on your part.

    One of the consistent refrains of this forum (and one of the reasons it is so extraordinary) is: we are not professionals. You need to take these things to those who are trained to help.

  10. #10


    I too am saddened by these events. I'm one of the lucky ones on this site, in that my wife accepts who I am, and occasionally buys me "little" things. She discovered my attraction to diapers long after we were married. Ideally, one should tell their intended spouse before the wedding vows, but in my case, I was too embarrassed, and I didn't accept it in myself. Eventually my wife found out, and so I had no choice.

    I honestly don't think your wife is being fair in her condemnation of what is a Paraphilia. To insist that you throw out all your plastic pants except for one pair makes little sense to me, and I don't believe she has that right. I don't like ultimatums, and if given one, I might be inclined to have taken it. Having a paraphilia constitutes a psychological abnormality, one that should be understood by both of you, and considered as much as a medical problem as a sociological one. Would she have given you an ultimatum if you were diagnosed as bi-polar?

    Like others, I think you should both be in counseling, because this is a problem that is coming between the two of you, and it just can't be swept under the carpet. If it was me, I'd be planning more and more out of town trips. and I'd have a box of plastic pants and diapers in the trunk of my car.

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