Hi everyone. This is my first post and first time actually interacting with the community, so I'm not really sure how to start. I apologize in advance because this is going to be long.
I'm having trouble accepting that I'm a DL. I have an extremely open mind and would never, ever judge someone else for being one, but I'm very self-critical and hold myself to different standards, if that makes any sense. I don't want to be a DL. All I want is to be a "normal" member of society. I find this to be incredibly embarrassing. I only just recently started wearing. I have my diapers shipped discreetly, but when I go to the post office to pick them up, I feel like everyone knows and is judging me, like everyone has x-ray vision and can see into the box. When I visit DL websites like this one, I go incognito on Google Chrome so no history is stored. I wear only at home, alone, and would never go out in public while wearing. No one who knows me is aware of this, not even my closest friends or my significant other. I hate the anxiety that comes with this.
My initial decision to buy diapers wasn't because of my DL side. It was because (and sorry if this is TMI, especially to any gentlemen who might read this) I have a condition called endometriosis which causes my menstrual cycle to be extremely heavy, especially at night. It seems that no matter what I do, I'm always washing blood out of my clothes in the morning. I'm sick of sleeping on towels so I thought, "hmm... diapers." But who am I kidding; I set a couple aside to try next time I have an endometriosis "episode", but the others I use to wear and occasionally wet.
I've psychoanalyzed myself to try to figure out why I'm like this. I think the biggest reason is because I was neglected as a child and forced to grow up extremely quickly. Even when I did things expected of someone that age (such as accidentally peeing my pants at age four), I was severely punished and told to "grow up!" and "what the hell is wrong with you!?" In addition, I have a mild case of Asperger's syndrome and think that sensory stimulation is part of it (I find the thickness between my legs very comforting).
TL;DR--There's no way to deny that I'm a DL so I was wondering if anyone has any tips or is willing to share how they have come to accept their DL side. I'd rather not go to a professional for help; I already have a treatment team because I've suffered from a host of non-related mental health issues for the majority of my life, and I do NOT want to tell them about this. It's not causing me so much distress as to impair my daily life, but I'd rather not be so ashamed of it. I was just hoping to find some support here on the internet.