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Thread: Self-Acceptance

  1. #1

    Default Self-Acceptance

    Hi everyone. This is my first post and first time actually interacting with the community, so I'm not really sure how to start. I apologize in advance because this is going to be long.

    I'm having trouble accepting that I'm a DL. I have an extremely open mind and would never, ever judge someone else for being one, but I'm very self-critical and hold myself to different standards, if that makes any sense. I don't want to be a DL. All I want is to be a "normal" member of society. I find this to be incredibly embarrassing. I only just recently started wearing. I have my diapers shipped discreetly, but when I go to the post office to pick them up, I feel like everyone knows and is judging me, like everyone has x-ray vision and can see into the box. When I visit DL websites like this one, I go incognito on Google Chrome so no history is stored. I wear only at home, alone, and would never go out in public while wearing. No one who knows me is aware of this, not even my closest friends or my significant other. I hate the anxiety that comes with this.

    My initial decision to buy diapers wasn't because of my DL side. It was because (and sorry if this is TMI, especially to any gentlemen who might read this) I have a condition called endometriosis which causes my menstrual cycle to be extremely heavy, especially at night. It seems that no matter what I do, I'm always washing blood out of my clothes in the morning. I'm sick of sleeping on towels so I thought, "hmm... diapers." But who am I kidding; I set a couple aside to try next time I have an endometriosis "episode", but the others I use to wear and occasionally wet.

    I've psychoanalyzed myself to try to figure out why I'm like this. I think the biggest reason is because I was neglected as a child and forced to grow up extremely quickly. Even when I did things expected of someone that age (such as accidentally peeing my pants at age four), I was severely punished and told to "grow up!" and "what the hell is wrong with you!?" In addition, I have a mild case of Asperger's syndrome and think that sensory stimulation is part of it (I find the thickness between my legs very comforting).

    TL;DR--There's no way to deny that I'm a DL so I was wondering if anyone has any tips or is willing to share how they have come to accept their DL side. I'd rather not go to a professional for help; I already have a treatment team because I've suffered from a host of non-related mental health issues for the majority of my life, and I do NOT want to tell them about this. It's not causing me so much distress as to impair my daily life, but I'd rather not be so ashamed of it. I was just hoping to find some support here on the internet.


  2. #2


    You're not alone, believe me. I too have had this desire for a very long, long time. I wanted it to go away, and sometimes I could force it away but it would always come back.

    For me, I had to explore it further. It was a part of my personality, and I needed to know more about it. At one time I had a homosexual relationship with another DL. I was his "baby". It was very, very tough to break out of that self-contained bubble, but it was eating away from me. I explored some very sensual things about it. After a few months, I learned that a gay relationship just wasn't compatible to me. However, I really did enjoy being babied and taken care of.

    There's no real correct answer to what you are feeling. I can only say that you are not alone. I've learned to embrace things about myself as I got older. I remember experiencing a lot of the feelings that you are now. Give yourself some time. Don't let people try to dictate to you what is normal and what isn't. You are a beautiful and unique person with something to share and contribute to this world.

    You're in a good place here, and you are amongst friends. I am open to friendship and private talk if you (or anyone) wants to PM me.

  3. #3


    No one can make it easier. The professional (if they are professional) will tell you it's OK. But that doesn't make it OK. At some point you will realize, it's OK. This is a good place, because there are a lot of us here and many of us have figured out that it's OK.

    Here is my thinking: I don't know why wearing does what it does for me. I do know that it does. I have figured out how to work it into my life without having it screw everything else up. This is possible. Stay calm, don't persecute yourself. No one who doesn't care about you will ever suspect. No one who does will ever judge you by this alone.

    It took me a very long time before I could admit to myself that this is who I am, even longer to admit to my SO. She doesn't understand---neither do I---but she's willing to accept it as being something that is inexplicably important to me---so I try to too.

  4. #4


    I'll echo what others have said. When I was younger, I hated this part of my personality. I grew up on the Jersey Shore, and as a male, we all had this idea that we were supposed to be tough. I weight lifted and played sports, and at night, wet my makeshift diapers. I was almost possessed to do that, and at this much later part of my life, it still does. The difference now is that I know and understand myself much better. I don't have anything to prove to anyone. I'm a good person, and I've accomplished many good things throughout my life.

    Diapers are only a part of our lives. What's important is the person you are, and what you do with the rest of your life. If you just help one other person, that more than offsets wearing or using a diaper. Who cares. There are worse things you could do, and remember, this hurts no one. It makes you feel better at a time when you need that sense of peace and comfort.

    I think this site and many of us, will over time, help you to accept this small part of your personal makeup. There must me hundreds of thousands in the world who are attracted to diapers, if not millions, so you are one of the many. Really, it's not that big of a deal.

  5. #5


    I also have a mild case of Asperger's. I used to be ashamed about this part of me too so I ignored it for years. I thought just as long as I don't act on it, I am fine. But I continued going to the sites and reading stories about it. Remember, this is a harmless thing and we are not harming anyone. It's just a diaper. They are like underwear. It's part of who we are. If you look around online like google "Why do I like diapers" "Why do I want to wear diapers" you will see how common this seems to be. But unfortunately lot of the stories could be fake. But I do wonder if there are more people out there who like diapers than we realize. People also wear them for convenience I have read such as standing in Times square for New Years, waiting in long lines for hours, scuba diving, pilots, truck drivers, college students who go in for exams and teachers allow no potty breaks during them, cashiers, night security guards, pregnant women wearing them due to having to go often or having accidents. Also Lisa Nowak wore them on the way to Florida when she was going after a lady. Her excuse was not wanting to stop for a potty break.

  6. #6


    First welcome to ADISC, you are among friends.

    Interestingly a very large number of us have very strong emotional connections to our diapers while experiencing a number of very conflicting emotions. Embarrassment, humiliation, confusion, and many other emotions can be present. So first a little background that might help. Children are often taught that diapers are shameful, bad, for babies, and often many of these emotions will stem from our childhood learnings and experiences.

    One example of what might happen to shape a child's feelings in later life. In my own case, when I was a young child I was often shamed for my bed wetting. I was threatened with being put back in diapers as a punishment. I was actually diapered as a child twice after normal potty training during the day then sent out to play. I was humiliated. Mom called them baby diapers and also often asked me if I wanted to be a diaper baby. Later when I was a teen and my diapers were discovered I was publicly humiliated and physically beaten. Fast forward to today and the emotional damage is still present. I remain so terrified of others known about my diapers that the though of others finding out really scares me.

    The embarrassment is natural because we are typically programmed with a certain degree of shame as part if the potty training process. All of this varies depending on your parents attitudes at the time and how well the process went.

    It is also natural to want to be normal. You will want to fit in, be like others and even have things on common with them. While this may seem to be a healthy attitude, it actually can be very unhealthy. Peer pressure is based on this natural drive to fit in, to be normal. The reality is that each of us, while being very similar, have very unique interests, attributes and talents. In fact these variations make all of us very different indeed.

    If all of us were exactly the same the world would be a very boring place.

    So to me normal really is a range of things that fit my definition of what is acceptable to me, and what is reasonable within society.

    Consider that individuality seems to not be a prized attribute yet the very most successful, most famous and happiest people in our society very clearly prize individuality. This means that they are anything but normal. So as it turns out what is normal really is a choice, a choice that we make individually. You don't define my normal, I define it. Likewise, I don't define your normal, that is your choice.

    The paranoia is also pretty common, for me a very big part of what drives how I do some things. This is one attribute I keep focused on helping to create that envelope of protection. Over the years I have learned, and often had to convince myself, that some of my over the top paranoia was really unfounded. Time helps and I take the issues one at a time. This site has also helped because in comparing notes many of us have discovered that others actually never notice and if they do they don't care. While I am extremely discrete I have come to be able to go out in public diapered in some pretty limited circumstances.

    Finally we have self acceptance. For me personally I have always had an interest in diapers yet I have also felt the conflict and guilt associated with these interests. As you read the threads on this site you may sometimes notice discussions of binge / purge. This is basically when someone will indulge in the behaviors, then feel guilty or anxious about the behavior and dispose of the diapers an whatever else. Later the drive to indulge returns, then the cycle repeats. Binge / purge is one of the things that can happen when there is no self acceptance.

    At some point in my late 20's I got tired of the binge / purge cycle and really started to think about the role of the entire diaper thing in my life. I came to three major conclusions. First, I recognized I really enjoyed the diapers an that I always had. Second, I felt I was unlikely to ever overcome these feelings (or want to overcome them for that matter). Third, the diapers were not interfering in my life and I was reasonably able to function in normal life and society.

    So I literally decided to accept this very important part of me, and I used these three steps. First, I would tell myself that I am a wonderful person and that the diapers were an important part if me. Second, I would give myself permission to be a baby when I need to be (I have strong AB attributes in that I regress). Third, I would accept myself and the diapers. I repeated these things several times over some time. Given a little time I have come to accept myself, and I have grown pretty happy with who I am.

    Most important be kind to yourself!

    With time and a little effort you can come to accept this very special side of who you are. Don't rush the process but take time to enjoy the journey.

  7. #7


    Quote Originally Posted by Garzilla View Post
    Most important be kind to yourself!
    MOST important.
    Thanks Garzilla

  8. #8


    What really matters, what makes it worth living, is having something to fight for. Something that can ignite your passion.

    Most people need to share such target and passion with others, to really believe in it. It’s not sufficient to tell only to yourself, you need to listen to your words while you try to explain your POW to someone else to deeply understand what you really want. Seek someone who is a) able to listen and b) able to make the "right" questions.

    The “thing” you have for diapers is a small bubble of your mental energy locked into a closet. Up to when you do not open the closet and refuse to confront your own “thing” with others that can relate to it, that energy remains wasted. The only way to use it is to explore yourself using the dialogue (and, later, practice - if you find the nerve for it) with others as mirror.

    While you do it, you will find out here around some other interesting persons that, exactly like you, have many additional stimulating interests to share.
    Last edited by Fiammaverde; 17-Jan-2013 at 14:05. Reason: spelling

  9. #9


    Quote Originally Posted by adasterix View Post
    MOST important.
    Thanks Garzilla
    You are welcome.

  10. #10


    I found that with me, the longer I put off wearing the more I obsessed about it I became. I learned to give in to urge. It is a harmless thing for me. I don't let diapers rule my life. However, if I do feel like wearing I do. I don't know why I like it (well maybe),but since it doesn't hurt me or others I do.

    You can delve deep into the reasons or just accept that it is pleasurable.The main problem seems to be with others accepting what you like to do.

    This is just my opinion.

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