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Thread: Problems separating AB/DL from parenting

  1. #1

    Default Problems separating AB/DL from parenting

    I posted this in my group and got no responses since it's an inactive group and there are barely even members there. Also I wasn't sure where to put this topic anyway so I put it here since it's more about parenting.


    I see nothing wrong with using bottles or pacifiers or wearing diapers as underwear. But my husband always has to be the one to help me through it. My son has found my pacifiers and would put one in his mouth. I found it funny and cute because he looked silly with it in his mouth. I didn't find it a big deal that he was playing with them but my husband told me he is a big boy and to take them away from him. I told him I use them and why is it okay for me but not for him. He told me our son is a big boy and I am an adult baby.

    Another time he found my bottle in the fridge and took it and drank the juice out of it. I thought it was so cute. But my husband told me I am not to let him do that and he is a big boy.

    What if my son was playing with diapers after he was potty trained? Putting them on and just wearing them off and on and wearing them as underwear and peeing in them sometimes? I think okay no big deal, it's not like he wears them to school or 24/7. I remember wearing pull ups at age 5 and my parents knew but didn't stop me. They probably thought it was no big deal. I still used the toilet when I had to go so I never used the diaper. Then when my youngest brother was four, my mother let him and my other brother and another boy play with his old diapers when they wanted to play baby. See why I would be so confused?

    I also played with pacifiers and bibs when my brothers were babies and my parents saw it as no big deal and I grew out of it. Textbooks on child development discourage such behavior. I also remember lying in my brother's crib and my mom let me do it.

    So here I am as a parent who is into AB/DL stuff and find diapers as no big deal or bibs or baby food or lying in cribs or using sippy cups or pacifiers or bottles. But I wouldn't want them doing it at school or do it at friends houses or around their friends because they might get teased about it. But what if they all decided to play baby so my son decided to use his old diapers and sippy cups and bottles and bibs and play with those? No big deal since I have played baby with my own friends and we broke one of the umbrella strollers.

    So thoughts on this?

  2. #2

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    Lock your stuff. Later (don't know if days, weeks, months or years) you'll see if your son comes to AB/DL or not: He'll search for his own stuff. Game is game, but... As you said, is potentialy dangerous (risk of abuse) if he'd do it in secret outside. Or - and it's worse - separation social, if he turns to AB/DL and can feel "I'm something strange."

    This is what I'd as a father. Another thing is I'm father, but separated and now without parental influence... My exs are the worst for give them my genetic material, but it's done and I've to deal with this. My bad luck - I don't know to select. Asshole myself.
    Last edited by CrazySmoker; 11-Jan-2013 at 15:16.

  3. #3

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    As much as you don't like it YOU have to grow up. You are a Mom and your first responsibility is to your children.
    Like Crezysmoker said get a grip and lock your baby side up until you are sure you have private time.
    This is your thing and you don't need or for that matter want to share this with your children until they are old enough to understand.
    I'm incontinent and it was hard enough to explaine why Daddy was in diapers to my girls as they were growing up.

    - - - Updated - - -

    As much as you don't like it YOU have to grow up. You are a Mom and your first responsibility is to your children.
    Like Crezysmoker said get a grip and lock your baby side up until you are sure you have private time.
    This is your thing and you don't need or for that matter want to share this with your children until they are old enough to understand.
    I'm incontinent and it was hard enough to explaine why Daddy was in diapers to my girls as they were growing up.

    - - - Updated - - -

    I don't know how old your son is but this is not good.
    First off it is time to realise you are a Mom. You are responsible for another life. Don't expose your son to a fetish he will have a hard time understanding.
    I'm incontinent and believe me it was hard to explain to my daughter why "Daddy is in diapers and why do I have to use the potty?"
    In short lock it up until you have private time. And by lock it up I mean just that, under lock and key. As you have found out kids will explore the whole house from top to bottom and get into everything.

  4. #4

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    As a counterpoint, I think the real issue here has less to do with *B/DL and more to do with a disagreement between Calico and her husband on what constitutes appropriate behavior for their son. As I recall, the son is about that age where curiosity runs overly rampant. I don't think any of this is latent or developing *B/DL tendencies, it's just natural curiosity and a degree of mimicry.

  5. #5

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    Calico,

    I agree with the others, you need to hide your gear from your toddler. If he does accidently find your things and uses them, GENTLY take them back. If he eventually and on his own turns out to be a teen baby, then you can support him emotionally, etc. No way your fetish and your son should ever inter-twine.

  6. #6

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    I was a kid when I wore my brothers bibs, wore their pull ups, lied in their crib, had a pacifier in my mouth and my parents let me do all this because it was no big deal to them. Then I grew out of all this. But as a AB/DL, I am not sure if I should let the same with my own son if he was playing with that stuff because of what I did when my brothers were little. I keep wondering if I am imposing the lifestyle onto him if I left him play with those things or if I am not because I did them too as a kid when my brothers were little and my parents were no way AB/DL. I just follow what my husband says, take that stuff away from him whenever he gets to them.

    What happens if we had another baby and my son decides to use his little brother or sister's items like use their pacifier, lie in their crib, wear their bibs, do I let him do it or take them away? Like I say textbooks discourage this and they tell you to not let them do it. But my parents let me do these things when my brothers were still in diapers and I grew out of it. Would it be imposing the AB/DL lifestyle onto him if I let him do this? Were my parents imposing it on me when they let me do it by that logic?

    I guess if you are a vanilla parent, it's okay to let your kid use baby items for play time or when there is a new sibling in the house but if you are a AB/DL parent, you have to discourage such behavior. Am I right? But even as a vanilla parent, I am sure there will still be people out there that will tell you to take that stuff away from your kid if they get to them because they don't need that stuff and are too old for them. It does get hard separating fetish and none fetish when you are into this and you don't know if you are separating it as a parent or imposing it onto them. But when you are a vanilla, it's very easy to separate because you don't have to wonder about if you are letting this happen because you are a AB/DL or you are thinking that outside your fetish.

    I even think wearing diapers when you need to due to weak bladder is being very mature and responsible because you are taking care of your problem. But do I think like this because I am a DL or would I still think like this if I wasn't into this AB/DL thing? Hard to tell.

    For clarification, I don't use baby items in front of him except diapers. But they are worn under my clothes.

  7. #7

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    Quote Originally Posted by Calico View Post
    What happens if we had another baby and my son decides to use his little brother or sister's items like use their pacifier, lie in their crib, wear their bibs, do I let him do it or take them away? Like I say textbooks discourage this and they tell you to not let them do it. But my parents let me do these things when my brothers were still in diapers and I grew out of it. Would it be imposing the AB/DL lifestyle onto him if I let him do this? Were my parents imposing it on me when they let me do it by that logic?
    If that were to happen, you should do then just what your husband is doing now. Remind him that he is a big boy, and gently return those things to the baby. There may come an age when your son may still want pacifers, bottles, etc. and it may be best just to let him have them (his own) in the house. You and your husband would need to work that out if and when it happens.

  8. #8

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    this thread makes me wonder sometimes how some of our parents actually were.
    I know that alot of my parents responses, at least in my early years was 'cute, but we can't let this continue' i haven't seen even the slightest hint of B/DLism in either of them, ever, myself, such things were driven underground for the most part from when I was 6 to 26. one parent I know let her kid stay in diapers till the month before he started kindergarten (full time mom) I also remember another family where the oldest refused to potty train (2 and 5) until his younger brother was out of them, they're grown up and have kids of their own now, now that I think about it, their kids are probably gonna have kids soon. life goes on

    my thoughts are, the lock and key thing are pretty good advice, keeping your stuff out of their prying eyes (and they will pry, almost constantly until puberty if my own childhood is any indicator) catching your child in their younger siblings' diapers, oh well, not much can me done about that. they'll either catch the AB/DL bug or they won't, quite likely, you won't find out unless you walk in on them of find evidence as such when they're teenagers. (bring on the baby stuff then, they might be so revulsed at your behavior they would probably never give a thought to a diaper again, think about it, your teenage kids will probably be quite revulsed at the concept of you and your significant other having sex reguardless of fetish, or lack thereof) that'll scar em for life lol

  9. #9

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    I am a relatively new parent and our child is becoming more and more aware of is surroundings. Up until this point I have user diapers relatively openly (yet discretely) at home and my wife is very accepting and embracing even. But recently we have agreed that other than behind closed doors at night or when our child is out of the house (or I'm out of the house I guess), diapers an what not are off limits. This seems like a reasonable precaution and protection against sexual abuse.

    In the same way that I wouldn't want to leave sex toys or vibrators lying around the house (or use them for gods sake in front of my child), using diapers around is the same. It is abusive at least in my case (being a sexual object in some sense for me).

    What do you guys think about this closely related story on parenting w abdl? Saw it online. In a way it strikes me as fake. Could this be legit???
    My Son Makes The Choice To Return To Diapers : I Love My Family Story & Experience

  10. #10

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    i couldn't even get 1/4 of the way through it, whoa.

    not that I have kids, if I were, my b/dlism would definitely be taking a back burner for a while (like a decade or so)
    if my child started showing a propensity for diapers past the age of, say 4, I would definitely offer correction.
    and push the potty training.

    from 4 to 12, not even going to bring it up in any manner, if my child starts to show such desires, I would try to steer them away from it, definitely not support such behavior,

    If I stumble upon my teenager into this sort of thing, I would ignore it, as long as he/she doesn't withdraw into it

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