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Thread: My world just crashed today

  1. #1

    Default My world just crashed today

    So I called up my dad today because I wanted to see his view on what spelling he would have used for my girl name. After I was done talking to him my Mom asked why I was talking to him. I told her it was because I called him for the spelling of my girl name. She then asked me are you going to tell him and I said I will that is why I asked for the spelling. I explained it was meant more as a hint for now. Then she said something about hints not working ...

    So later my mom finds my baby book and started to talk about my stepping stones (Because I was making a point I was out of diapers early) After she was done I said "I will tell my dad once you accept it" She said I should not make her a reason for me to do things because she will not accept it. My heart really broke and I am in tears right now. My back leaves me helpless just about so I can't do much without her. I am still going to see if I can follow though a transition or at least start off my disability money.

    I really have no one that accepts this that is physically close to me. All I have is online friends…. I really do fear not having someone close to me to help me…

  2. #2

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    I am so sorry that this has happened, another example of someone else misunderstanding. I am sure that many here are with you and thinking of the difficulties that you are having right now, my prayers are with you and my wifes for a solution that will help you. I hope to be one of many friends you have here in the future. This thread brought a lump to my throat, but you don't give up please.

    Thoughts with you

    Simon

  3. #3

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    I think it would always be difficult to get parental support as changing gender is always going to be an emotional hot button. As parents, we are naturally going to identify with the gender that our child was born with. We want our children to be happy, and when they aren't, we aren't either. Giving birth to a son, a mother is going to identify with the gender of that child, and changing gender would be hard to understand, and get comfortable with. I'm sure you will have an up hill battle.

    I think that you will need to have many talking sessions with your parents in order for them to understand your feelings, and of course, it's how you feel that is important here. Sometimes getting a professional, third party involved is necessary.

    Don't give up, and try not to feel bad. This is just a set back, and there will probably be a lot of setbacks like this until your parents can accept that you feel more like a girl than a boy. It will take a long time, but it can be achieved if they are remotely willing. My thoughts go with you.

  4. #4

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    Not "Parents" just parent, I am disabled right now and she is basically my caretaker. SO her rejecting it is a bit ... more... then just wanting family to accept it.

    I was only gonna be actively out telling other family if she would let me pursue it.

  5. #5

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    i don't know your mother, Princess;
    and i really can't say that i know you... other then reading many of your posts here on ADISC in response to others on almost every subject that has come up sense you have joined.

    however, i do know what it take to successfully change ones life from that of a male to a female culmanating with SRS; and all the hardships in between. i know that in the beginning of this chosen path, as much as we ask for help and acceptance from others around us... the only acceptance that we really need is to accept our selves with out reservation or the need for the approval of others. and with that single accomplishment, a transgender person can help themselves to a whole new world of possibilities.

    i know that in many of your posts (including this one) you talk of your temporary back disability as making you dependant on your mother. have you stopped to think for one moment that it isn't up to your mother to blindly accept your declaration of womanhood. at least not until you can get back out on your own and show her that you can truly live the life of the gender/sex role that you say you are... in her eyes it may just be a phase your going through while your stuck in the house and have only the internet for companionship.

    i presume that you are a grown adult and were living your own life before your back injury... and that one day, you will again. it is you, Princess.. who must do the work to become a woman. and if the only work that can be done at this point in your life is in your mind by way of personal-acceptance... then that is your work to do, not your mothers work. maybe what your mother is really waiting for is to see the change manifest it's self in you before she prematurely accepts it... maybe it's her way of encouraging you to work on your own self-acceptances...

    like i said, i don't know your mother.
    but i do know that it's you who needs to accept your self. then nothing anyone else has to say will matter.... or slow you down...

    and once you do have that personal-acceptance well intrenched within... well at that point you will stop looking for help in everyone you meet, and start finding that you can help your self more then you thought you could... and that too is possibly a little of what your mother is waiting to see in you as well.

  6. #6

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    I don't know I can't go out on my own as is in a physical sense, she drives me to places and such.

    So without her support It means I have no financial support. For Now I am gonna still try to contact Thespis and see if I can still do it off my disability money.

    If it was not for money issue and need to be taken care of I would not be so dependent of her accepting it or not.

  7. #7

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    I'm so sorry to hear this. To experience that level of outright rejection must have felt terrible. The need for acceptance is such a painful hunger sometimes.

    I'm sure that finding out your gender identity was quite a shock for your mom. She's still processing the idea, and I wouldn't be shocked if someday she does accept it. But don't wait around for that. You're you; no one has the right to take that away from you. I know it's extra difficult when your disability forces you to depend on her so much. But no matter how much you depend on her, you're your own person. And you never have to give up your identity to please someone else, no matter how much you depend on them. This includes needing them to accept this part of you.

    That's not to say you don't need acceptance - you do! I, and lots of others here, do accept you, even if we're just boxes on a computer. If there's any way to get in touch with real-life friends, try to. There must be somebody to talk to. But even failing that, we accept who you are.

    Remember that you're not alone. You're accepted already, by all of us here. My prayers are with you. Don't give up. Your world is alive and well, as long as you don't give up hope. Fight on, sister.

  8. #8

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    Just give your mother some space on that topic for a while, sometimes it may seem vary gloom but acceptance is not always done over night. She may be prossessing that you are your own individual. Accept yourself and project confidence in this and she may just come around in her own time.

  9. #9

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    Quote Originally Posted by Adventurer View Post
    I'm so sorry to hear this. To experience that level of outright rejection must have felt terrible. The need for acceptance is such a painful hunger sometimes.

    I'm sure that finding out your gender identity was quite a shock for your mom. She's still processing the idea, and I wouldn't be shocked if someday she does accept it. But don't wait around for that. You're you; no one has the right to take that away from you. I know it's extra difficult when your disability forces you to depend on her so much. But no matter how much you depend on her, you're your own person. And you never have to give up your identity to please someone else, no matter how much you depend on them. This includes needing them to accept this part of you.

    That's not to say you don't need acceptance - you do! I, and lots of others here, do accept you, even if we're just boxes on a computer.
    If there's any way to get in touch with real-life friends, try to. There must be somebody to talk to. But even failing that, we accept who you are.

    Remember that you're not alone. You're accepted already, by all of us here. My prayers are with you. Don't give up. Your world is alive and well, as long as you don't give up hope. Fight on, sister.
    I was not very social and a few people know about my first crush (Story told in PM might even be on my blog) This person moved far away from me and it hurt and he is pretty much the only one I feel I can trust with this. The few other friends I have feel are a bit narrow minded with about this subject or simply lost touch with them too. (my close friends can be counted on one hand)

    The bold, thank you very much... Ill keep trying and I ma gonna try get in contact this one therapist I was recommended in pm.

  10. #10

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    im not cross gender or anything buti do that telling people things can be very dificult. when i was younger and in of the many care homes i was in uptill i was about 19, i was going through a very naughty and defiant phase. but i didnt tell anyone why i was being so naughty. the reason being is because i thought the other kids would make fun of me being a woman and to feminine. because men are supposed to be hard and strong and show no emotions. so when i did finally manage to tell the staff.

    they told me that i was just using it as an excuse for my behaviour. i mean i think its understandable for a kid of 11 years old who has just been told is dad was dead and was stabbed to death by your favorite uncle. i thought that my reaction and behavior was quite understandable. thats one of the many experiences i have suffered and also the worst type of abuse of them all. sexual abuse. i was abused by one of the staff in one of the homes in my bed too. this explains why i still cant sleep in my own bed and have to sleep with the light on. i mean thats got be embarresing enough hasent it ? but them i also have really bad ADHD as well. this means a ot of people think im retarded when im not. so as you can see i can relate in a way. i have experienced enough rejections of people and shunning to last a lifetime and longer still.

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