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Thread: Please help...

  1. #1

    Default Please help...

    Hi everyone. I'm pretty new to the community in the fact that I have never really joined any sites like this and have always thought that I could go without. So far the experience has been good, but I'm still a little confused by it all.

    The issue is that I am now 18 and have been a babyfur/adult baby for 4 years and not told anyone other that one of my closest friends. He was very kind and gentle on the matter and he now treats me a lot softer than he used to. And I can't stress how much I respect him now. I am very shy about the matter and had a hard time explaining it so he is still confused on a lot of what it is. I have always wanted to buy diapers and wear them but I am too shy to go to the shops and get them. All I have had experience with is my Paci and all my stuffed animals which I am lucky to have been able to keep without my parents saying anything about being 'too old' for them. This leads me to a constant and depressing feeling of missing out on a lot of the experience and the closeness I could have had with my mum.

    To be honest, to keep people from finding out, I put on a rather cold and distant persona which has protected me from a lot of stress. But I am at that time where I feel its time to put it all to rest and tell my mum. I would never tell my Father as my relationship with him is pretty bad, but its all in my head. He just jokes about things and doesn't know what the boundary is. When I told my mum that I am gay, she took it pretty well, and hugged me and asked questions. She still asks about it now and then, like if I'm in a relationship. I know that she means well and is understanding, which is why she is the one I want to tell, but when I try to tell her, I freeze up. My joints ache and lock, my head hurts, I start to sweat and my mind screams at me to run. After which I spend an hour crying with my teddy. Before I try to tell her, I think out what I'm going to say, but can't figure any good way to explain my feelings or who I am. Its stressful and tires me.

    I'm just tired of not being myself. I'm tired of being so depressed. Tired of considering suicide. If anyone has any advice or help, it is much needed and appreciated.

    Sorry that this is all a mixed up mess of an explanation. As you can see, explanations are not my strong point.

    Thanks for taking your time to read this and thank you for any advice you can give.

    Thomas...

  2. #2

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    right first of all no one is ever too old for teddys ok this is where peer pressure causes the problem ok. second maybe its the way your trying to tell her. maybe you should be gentle with her. take your time to tell dont rush it. next sit her down in the living room on the sofa or equafilcant. then try to explain it to slowly and carelly pausing if you need time to take abreather or a moment. then if she has questions answer them as truthfully as your can. but dont get cross with here this is probably new for here as well as it for you. also dont take her first reaction. some people will over react the first time but give her time to think about it ok then ask her how and what she feels about it again later on ok.
    Last edited by Nihlus; 18-Dec-2012 at 16:50. Reason: Removed double post

  3. #3

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    I am not sure what it is like about telling people about AB/ DL/ BF other than to me it is a hobby to unwind? I do not know what it is like to have to need to tell people other than the ones you live with so you can explore it without judgment. If you live with your mom you should tell her as I recently told my mom about being transgender. Like you I am tried of hiding myself.

    Being transgender (or at least being viewed as a girl) is kinda required to tell everyone that knows me. For the people that never met me before I do not see the need to tell anyone how I was born. I would end up telling them if they turn into close friends or something as it is always good to be open to your close friends and family. Maybe ask your mom help for telling your dad and ask him not to tell jokes about it because it is a very sensitive area?

  4. #4

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    Quote Originally Posted by tennismad View Post
    right first of all no one is ever too old for teddys ok this is where peer pressure causes the problem ok. second maybe its the way your trying to tell her. maybe you should be gentle with her. take your time to tell dont rush it. next sit her down in the living room on the sofa or equafilcant. then try to explain it to slowly and carelly pausing if you need time to take abreather or a moment. then if she has questions answer them as truthfully as your can. but dont get cross with here this is probably new for here as well as it for you. also dont take her first reaction. some people will over react the first time but give her time to think about it ok then ask her how and what she feels about it again later on ok.
    Thank you tennismad. I find it hard to even get to the stage of sitting with her when I want to talk. I usually breakdown as I leave my own room.



    Quote Originally Posted by CutePrincess View Post
    I am not sure what it is like about telling people about AB/ DL/ BF other than to me it is a hobby to unwind? I do not know what it is like to have to need to tell people other than the ones you live with so you can explore it without judgment. If you live with your mom you should tell her as I recently told my mom about being transgender. Like you I am tried of hiding myself.

    Being transgender (or at least being viewed as a girl) is kinda required to tell everyone that knows me. For the people that never met me before I do not see the need to tell anyone how I was born. I would end up telling them if they turn into close friends or something as it is always good to be open to your close friends and family. Maybe ask your mom help for telling your dad and ask him not to tell jokes about it because it is a very sensitive area?
    CutePrincess, Thank you aswell for your advice. I live with my parents and I feel that I need to let my mum know, but its hard. And with my Father... well, I never really want him to find out, considering that he already sees me as a failure and we do not get along too well.

    This advice from you both is helpful, but it I don't think that this approach will work well for me...

  5. #5

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    Why do you feel that telling your mum will solve all your problems? What do you gain from her knowing that you will not gain from her not knowing? Lots of people here, me included, feel that telling is not always the best thing to do however if you can articulate as to why you feel the need to tell it may help us give you better advice.

  6. #6

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    Quote Originally Posted by pajamakitten View Post
    Why do you feel that telling your mum will solve all your problems? What do you gain from her knowing that you will not gain from her not knowing? Lots of people here, me included, feel that telling is not always the best thing to do however if you can articulate as to why you feel the need to tell it may help us give you better advice.
    I feel that my relationship with my mum is pretty good, but because I act so distant, she often says things like "Why don't you ever talk to me?" and she's cried around me because of it. I want to try to fix that. I also think it would help with a lot of my emotional issues if she knew and understood me.

  7. #7
    Countdown

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    Quote Originally Posted by kingwolfyx View Post
    I feel that my relationship with my mum is pretty good, but because I act so distant, she often says things like "Why don't you ever talk to me?" and she's cried around me because of it. I want to try to fix that. I also think it would help with a lot of my emotional issues if she knew and understood me.
    i hope you realize that this course of action (telling ur mom) may actually lead to opposite effects: a worse mother-son relationship & exacerbated emotional issues

    not going to prescribe a course of action for u, but just realize that the outcome of revealing ur "secret" can have devastating effects...

    good luck...

  8. #8

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    Quote Originally Posted by kingwolfyx View Post
    Hi everyone. I'm pretty new to the community in the fact that I have never really joined any sites like this and have always thought that I could go without. So far the experience has been good, but I'm still a little confused by it all.

    The issue is that I am now 18 and have been a babyfur/adult baby for 4 years and not told anyone other that one of my closest friends. He was very kind and gentle on the matter and he now treats me a lot softer than he used to. And I can't stress how much I respect him now. I am very shy about the matter and had a hard time explaining it so he is still confused on a lot of what it is. I have always wanted to buy diapers and wear them but I am too shy to go to the shops and get them. All I have had experience with is my Paci and all my stuffed animals which I am lucky to have been able to keep without my parents saying anything about being 'too old' for them. This leads me to a constant and depressing feeling of missing out on a lot of the experience and the closeness I could have had with my mum.

    To be honest, to keep people from finding out, I put on a rather cold and distant persona which has protected me from a lot of stress. But I am at that time where I feel its time to put it all to rest and tell my mum. I would never tell my Father as my relationship with him is pretty bad, but its all in my head. He just jokes about things and doesn't know what the boundary is. When I told my mum that I am gay, she took it pretty well, and hugged me and asked questions. She still asks about it now and then, like if I'm in a relationship. I know that she means well and is understanding, which is why she is the one I want to tell, but when I try to tell her, I freeze up. My joints ache and lock, my head hurts, I start to sweat and my mind screams at me to run. After which I spend an hour crying with my teddy. Before I try to tell her, I think out what I'm going to say, but can't figure any good way to explain my feelings or who I am. Its stressful and tires me.

    I'm just tired of not being myself. I'm tired of being so depressed. Tired of considering suicide. If anyone has any advice or help, it is much needed and appreciated.

    Sorry that this is all a mixed up mess of an explanation. As you can see, explanations are not my strong point.

    Thanks for taking your time to read this and thank you for any advice you can give.

    Thomas...
    Hey Thomas,

    I'm sorry you have to bear all that on your own. It must be awful.

    I know what it's like to fear being found out. I'm sure everyone here does, actually. Sounds like your response is a pretty natural one. One thing that's helped me with the feelings of being alone and not myself is being part of this site. Even though I haven't posted a whole lot, the knowledge that other people go through the same feelings and internal struggles as me is a huge comfort.

    Right now I'm very torn between the need to keep my adult baby side secret and the desire to be known and appreciated for who I am. This site is a good place to maintain that balance. Stick around here for a while; I can guarantee that by talking to other adult babies and furries, you'll feel less alone. Don't feel obligated to tell your mother if you're worried about it ending poorly. There are lots of people here to talk to who understand how you feel. And when you have a safe place to express this part of yourself, you may feel less alone or distant in real life.

    And believe me, I know how nerve-wracking it is to buy diapers in stores. The first time, I took so long that an employee came to watch me to make sure I wasn't waiting to rob the place. But give it a shot - you can talk it over here first, and let us know how it goes after

    Finally, if you're considering suicide, don't take chances. If these are serious feelings, call a hotline in your area and talk to someone. It's not worth the pain your loved ones will be left with. Some very dear friends of mine have attempted suicide, and it's incredibly painful to everyone. Your life's a lot more valuable than this.

    I hope this helps. There are tons of people to talk to here if you need us. Welcome aboard

  9. #9

    Default



    Quote Originally Posted by Adventurer View Post
    Hey Thomas,

    I'm sorry you have to bear all that on your own. It must be awful.

    I know what it's like to fear being found out. I'm sure everyone here does, actually. Sounds like your response is a pretty natural one. One thing that's helped me with the feelings of being alone and not myself is being part of this site. Even though I haven't posted a whole lot, the knowledge that other people go through the same feelings and internal struggles as me is a huge comfort.

    Right now I'm very torn between the need to keep my adult baby side secret and the desire to be known and appreciated for who I am. This site is a good place to maintain that balance. Stick around here for a while; I can guarantee that by talking to other adult babies and furries, you'll feel less alone. Don't feel obligated to tell your mother if you're worried about it ending poorly. There are lots of people here to talk to who understand how you feel. And when you have a safe place to express this part of yourself, you may feel less alone or distant in real life.

    And believe me, I know how nerve-wracking it is to buy diapers in stores. The first time, I took so long that an employee came to watch me to make sure I wasn't waiting to rob the place. But give it a shot - you can talk it over here first, and let us know how it goes after

    Finally, if you're considering suicide, don't take chances. If these are serious feelings, call a hotline in your area and talk to someone. It's not worth the pain your loved ones will be left with. Some very dear friends of mine have attempted suicide, and it's incredibly painful to everyone. Your life's a lot more valuable than this.

    I hope this helps. There are tons of people to talk to here if you need us. Welcome aboard
    Thank you Adventurer. So far this community has been nothing but supporting and caring. Knowing other struggle with this is a bit comforting and distressing. Its horrible to have to deal with this, and others who also need to go through it must be as stressed and scared as I am.

    I feel the same as yo do, on the balance of wanting to be hidden and seen. It's hard to be yourself and something you're not at the same time. I'm sure that this side will help with that, but It's not the same as if it were a person I know and trust and see often. Not saying that I don't trust people here, but you get what I mean. I think that I just need to get my head together a bit. And I know how bad it is to try to get diapers. While I'm out shopping I usually go into the store and stare at them for a while, then walk away. It's just too much for me really.

    And don't worry about me considering suicide. I get worried often that I will, but when I get to the point where I'm going to attempt it, I always realize how much of an idiot I am. I don't want anyone else to feel pain like I have because of me.

  10. #10

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    Quote Originally Posted by Countdown View Post
    i hope you realize that this course of action (telling ur mom) may actually lead to opposite effects: a worse mother-son relationship & exacerbated emotional issues

    not going to prescribe a course of action for u, but just realize that the outcome of revealing ur "secret" can have devastating effects...

    good luck...
    If she cried from him not talking to her then I do not think that will be the outcome. In fact with how he tells us how his mom acted tells me he should at least talk about why he feels distant from his father. I explained to my mom about being gay after I fell in love with someone and wanted to live with him. She picked up that hint though and we kinda talked about it. I was like 24 maybe for that? Before that I kept to myself basically or told lies.

    Now i am 29 and I just recently told her about being transgender. I also explained how I felt in the past and why I found it so hard to explain to her. She wanted me to be more open to her about myself.

    If him being himself about AB/ DL/ BF means he needs to tell his mom so he can do it without a fear of her finding out, then he should explain it to her. If she understands it will allow him to be himself around her and will be without that fear then. I guess I feel him keeping it hidden was like me trying on girls clothes. I was always careful to do it while she was sleeping or not hope but I still feared her coming home unexpectedly or waking unexpectedly and finding me in her clothes. Once I fell asleep in them and she freaked out seeing me in them. If I explained my feelings before doing that, my mom said she would not have that reaction. She freaked out from the shock from it. So telling them about these kinds of things is much better than them walking in seeing you in the act. Plus you live without that fear of her seeing you acting out your AB/ DL/ BF if you tell her and she accepts it.

    Point is, I think it is harder in the short run (telling her) would lead to an easier long run. Not telling her might end up like me, easy not to talk about those things ( so easy short run) but your rip your self a part in the long run.

    If anything at least explain how you feel about your dad to your mom. Even if she finds it better not to tell him she can help you deal with the problems.

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