New here, and it's my bday
I've made a lot of changes in my life recently, realized I really wasn't happy, and I was depriving myself of the things I wanted because I was more interested in being who others wanted me to be.
In my life (thus far) I've gotten good grades, I'm a good athlete, got into a really good program at a really good school, I'm a good looking guy (hah, really not that pompous, but trying to learn to not be overly modest), and was sort of the golden child of my (huge) family. I think all of this made it difficult for me to try to define myself apart from the expectations others had of me, and maybe prevented me from ever fully enjoying being a kid.
I think the AB side of me stems from a babysitter I had when I was younger - she was hot, she would dress me up, and it made an impression on me when I was at a very impressionable age. Never something I understood or wanted, but something I have dealt with (and resisted) for my whole life. It's caused me a lot of pain, self hatred, confusion, and a lot of things I'm sure you've all experienced as well. Though I've never brought it up with a girlfriend, I think my kinks (or my resistance to them) have ruined past relationships. In fact, I've never told another soul about this side of me, though I've contemplated it at times.
I'm trying to learn more about myself, and I'd love to explore this part of me more so that I might feel like a whole person. I'd really love to find a girl/woman/mommy in my area who could help me learn - though, I'm really not holding out much hope for this as there seems to be so few (even in the most populous city in the country). We'll see.
I definitely plan to keep all of this more private - I have no interest in having my sexuality define me, as there are many more important things in my life that I don't want affected by this part of my life. I'm into really all things art/design related, and I'm also very into technology and science. I like to dress well, and I'm a composer. Anyways, greetings, merry Christmas, happy Hanukkah and what have you, looking forward to meeting some of you, cheers!