Today I was asking myself, is my mind in a healthy place? I'm an AB/DL (Adult Baby, Diaper Lover) and I yearn for all things babyish and childlike. It's not always a fetish, that's something I always knew but it's starting to occur to me; how much of my life has it taken over? I've become completely helpless and I think more and more that maybe what I really want is to be a baby literally and forever?
The answer seems to be yes but I'm not sure it's very healthy. But it's not that I just want it, I feel like I'm actually in some kind of denial... Perhaps not necessarily about being a baby but about being a teenager and becoming an adult. Whenever I see kids with their parents and the parent is talking to the child down on 'their' level I'm like
"Wasn't that me? >< Like.. Last year? or...?" But it wasn't.
It literally feels like there was a gap in my life as if sometime after I turned twelve I fell into this three year coma and I remember everything that happened within the gap but I don't feel like it was really my life. I feel like I've obtained the memories of someone else and I'm just picking up where they left off.
Cause I could of sworn that I was younger than ten and now I'm dangerously close to twenty which means while I was busy concerning myself with this imaginary 'gap' I've also went and wasted my teenage years too.
But I feel like I just appeared into this body and whoever existed within it before is a stranger to me and I'm not being metaphoric.