I started liking diapers when i was nine and I always felt embarrassed about it. I always ignored it but I always thought about them. At age ten I would occasionally take one from my neighbor's and use it, I would also wear towels as diapers and sometimes use them as such. No guilt or shame there. In 6th grade I started to feel ashamed about it and sick about it because my mother brain washed me so I was in the closet about it for four years. I still went to the websites and read stories there. But thinking about wearing them would make me feel sick inside. Then when i got some, sometimes I would feel sick about it and some people would say that is actually a good feeling so that is why they wear them, they like to feel naughty about it. I hated that feeling so it wasn't a good feeling for me.
I have lost interest in wearing them (not by choice) and wouldn't care if I wasn't in the mood for them nor care if I had no interest in wearing them anymore. Then the urges would come back and I would be wearing them again. Then I would lose interest again and stop. I have gone months without wearing one and I think the longest I had gone was eight months and that was after I had my son and it just felt sick to wear one when I had no interest in doing it so I didn't.
I have questioned rather I have done the purge and binge thing and I have realized you don't need to throw them out and then buy them again to have one. But since I have lived in shame about it, lived in denial about it and then feeling sick about it sometimes, could it have been one? I have never taken a diaper off right after putting it on because I felt too sick about it. I have never bought a pack of diapers either and thrown it all out after wearing a few.