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Thread: I love my littles - not like - love

  1. #1

    Default I love my littles - not like - love

    I'm going to discuss what I think Polyamory is and how I think it relates to ABDL; it's going to be from a very personal perspective, so quite frankly if you want to start an argument with me on this I don't want to hear it so don't bother posting. That said, I would like to ask you about how you interact with your ABDL family, and what the rules that you've establish to keep everyone happy are.

    Ok, so I'm very new to this topic, I discovered it by accidentally downloading a 18+ podcast series from itunes, but over the last few weeks it's become increasingly clear to me that Polyamory is increasingly me and noticeably a part of ABDL.

    So what is Polyamory?

    As far as I can tell it's about sustaining committed long term loving relationships with more than one person at a time in full trust and knowledge of the rest of your partners possibly including sex but it's not necessary (wiki link to know more)

    How does this relate to ABDL?

    Well in real life it can clearly be applied to Dom/sub relationships, as a Dom may be in a relationship with multiple subs or two Doms might decide to introduce a third person usually a sub to their family providing they find one that fits them and everyone is willing. Although from this point there are an infinite number of molecules that can be formed rather than the standard atomic family, as once you have a 3 way relationship growing a 4 way or any other configuration can grow out of it. ABDL does kind of fall under Dom/sub in some ways, and so ABDL has Polyamory which you might find when you start to build an ADISC family of your own.

    Let us discuss my family as you can see already from my signature is not a small one. My sig includes 6 littles and there are more I've not included for one reason or another, and I feel I have a close relationship with each of them. I can say, without hesitation, to each one that I love them. I love them all differently but I still love them. I am pretty sure if I got a real life partner and they knew about even one of these relationships they might say I was cheating on them, ok I'm not going out and seeing any of these people and sleeping behind my partner's back but the entertainment industry would have me believe that emotional cheating is just as bad as sexual cheating, and in some ways worse.

    So this leaves me with the conundrum of if an actual partner would say this to me why don't my ADISC family complain at me that I'm spreading myself too thin. I've been told I have too many littles by some people, and although not actually directed directly at me I was informed that people with as many littles as me come across as a CTs for hire and I'd just CT anyone if I was asked. Which I think is absurd, I do what I do for me, it makes me feel better and like a bigger part of the universe. I'm not a whore for it, less a stupid one that doesn't even charge; I do what I do out of love and being loved.

    Each and everyone of my ADISC family knows that I love them, I cater to them, and each of them caters to a different part of me. I cannot be entirely fulfilled by any single one of my relationships, even though each does a huge amount for me, I am difficult to cater for and no-one person slots into all of me perfect, mainly because I'm so demanding in some contradictory ways no one person can. But with more than one person around me I am wholly fulfilled.

    I have discussed with more than one of my littles what it might be like to take our relationship out of the internet and into the real world, and I've imagined what it'd be like bringing them all together in one place; after all who hasn't, it's only natural to do discuss and think things eventually about internet friends, even if there's no practical way to do it. And yes, I know taking things into a real place would change my relationships somewhat. But what I'm positive nothing could ever change is that I love each and every one of them. I can see there being a huge amount of jealousy to begin with, if it ever happened, certainly a huge amount of shyness between some members, in fact I know 2 that I'd probably advise to avoid each other, and another 2 I know wouldn't be ready to join the imagined house for a while, and yet online it's all fine and dandy.

    So yes, the dilemma, are these relationships that I take so seriously in my head, and affect me so physically when they stop like for a real life relationship, practical? is that the word I'm even looking for? Maybe instead I should be asking; do I take them too seriously? Or rather should I take them as seriously as I do? Better yet should there be and is there any difference between what love I feel for physical people and the love I feel via the internet?

    I see no real problem with what I do, for me it's the same online as it has been in all my real life relationships, although that was a long time ago I do recall telling them they could have as many boyfriends/girlfriends besides me as they wanted, as long as they didn't do it behind my back. In the same way I'm open about all my littles with all my other littles, ok I don't disseminate their secrets and break any confidences, but on the whole if they ask me something I'll share enough to keep them happy within that. I trust each of my littles, I have a loyalty to each of them, I am as much there for them in their lowest and deepest struggles as in their highest happy times in which they feel comfortable regressing. While at the same time I don't expect them to share these things with each other.

    As each of my loves is different I can say I neither love them equally nor do I love any one more than any other. Each has a different part of me to all their own, while they share a lot of me too.

    So I've shared a lot about how I interact with my family without disclosing anything how about I cover the rules. Strictly speaking I haven't discussed all the rules I obey with my family but most of them have come to understand various ones that I follow.

    Firstly if there is a problem I'll drop everyone else for a while to rush to their aid, when the situation has settled I'll still be there but I'll pick up everyone else again too. And at the same time they know they might need to be a little quiet for me if I need to patch someone else up.

    I will do anything within my power for each of them, whether that's sorting ADISC problems for them by taking to the right people, some times risking my own membership to protect theirs, or discussing and explaining with their bio-family members what ABDL is and why it isn't really that creepy or that weird. I'd go as far as to say if I had the money to spare and they needed a real hug, I'd be on their door step for them within a day, no matter what.

    I don't keep secrets, I'll keep confidences yes, but anything about me is up for discussion with them, I don't care if it's about some stupid post I've made or if they want to know anything about me, they'll get an honest response either way. Relationships grow from differences as much as similarities and only in having discussions do we find the differences that best bind us together.

    Daddy needs his space, just occasionally I want to be on ADISC without my being hassled, to enjoy the friendships not the parenting, I know that each of my littles are adults and that when I want to let that part of me rest they'll be my adult friends rather than children I need to take care of, and this means a huge amount to me too.

    I love them no matter what, on the whole my littles have lied to me, run away from me, shouted and stropped at me (as adults), and far worse, and every time I'll be asked a question, 'do you still love me?' or 'are you still here for me?', 'are you still my Daddy?' and to each of these questions there is only one answer, 'Always'. When I'm telling them off for something? Always. When they've purged and burned all their bridges? Always. When they've deliberately and maliciously hurt me? Always. There is nothing any one of them could do that'd stop me from loving.

    And that, for me, defines Polyamory better than anything else, Always, I love them all and no matter what they do or what anyone else does, so long as they keep trusting me and loving me I'm never giving them up, and even if they do vanish that love will never fade.

    This means for anyone I meet, if you want to be with me, you get the package, and that includes my littles, you may not want to talk to my ABDL family, the rest of my molecule, that's fine, but you must accept that it exists and I'm not getting rid of them, just like they can't make me give you up, only once you have accepted that will everything be ok.

    Polyamory, Love Everyone


    sorry about the 3 page wall of text, I was actually discovering my feelings fully as I was writing, it all feels important to me which is why I haven't shortened it, hope you enjoyed it

    What are your thoughts about Polyamory?
    Last edited by DylanK; 08-Dec-2012 at 05:07.

  2. #2


    The below post is just *my opinion* I am not saying any of it is fact, it is simply how I view it.

    I see no problem with polyamory at all, I know that some people do but in my opinion if all the people involved know what is going on and are consenting and happy in that kind of relationship then it's fine in my opinion. Personally, I only have one caretaker/daddy and I am his only cub as this is the way that it works best for us. So I don't have any experience on that side of things, I do however know several people who are in those sort of relationships with a daddy or a dominant or even a boyfriend. In fact one of my closest and best friends was in that sort of relationship not so long ago.

    On the subject of real life partners, yes they may feel that they are being "cheated on" in a sense, that will of course depend on how they define being cheated on. Some partners will be more than happy for their partners to have littles. My ex had a cub while we were dating and I had no problem with such as I continued to have a daddy. Communication is important in these situations and talking about it and helping your future partner to understand it can help. The thing with relationships is (in my experience, not saying its always true.) is that I found, if the person you are with does not agree with a part of your lifestyle and neither of you can reach a compromise about dealing with it, then the relationship wont last. Part of me being who I am is what caused my last relationship to break down and it may sound bad but it was a part of me I was not willing to make a compromise on.

    As to the question of if you take them too seriously, well that is up for you to decide. Each person is different and how much these relationships mean to people can vary, for example I know of someone who it is just an RP for, it does not cross into real life and he says he would not want to be taken care for in real life, it is purely an internet relationship. I know of people who are seriously involved and married to their daddy/mommy/insert any word you like here. It is up to you to decide if you take them too seriously. Looking at it from my perspective I don't think that you do, I can understand you wanting to bring the relationships into real life and not just online. I feel that sometimes it is easier to fall in love with someone over the internet, as everything about them can seem adorable and cute and amazing. In real life can be very different, this is just from my experience. You can find someone on the internet who is amazing, but not someone you care to spend an extended amount of time with in real life. On the other hand you can find someone on the internet who is just as amazing in real life. I would just advise being careful about rushing into things with people online, again this is just from my experience. I think it's great that you trust your littles and I hope they trust you, trust is a big part of this lifestyle. Anyway, I'm rambling on, I'm very tired and I don't know if this makes any sense at all.
    Last edited by AshleyShep; 06-Dec-2012 at 09:56. Reason: Tiredness causing me to make typos.

  3. #3


    ^ Bolt pretty much summed up my feelings on actual polyamory. I would be very happy in a poly relationship, I think, but my current partner isn't interested in one, so we're just mono. Which I'm also very happy with; I just mean that IMHO having more people to love, in any way, is not a bad thing.

    However, I will say that I don't think what you're describing is polyamory, DylanK. Although yes, you can find definitions that simply talk about having multiple INTIMATE relationships at a time (and being a Mommy/Daddy/babygirl is definitely INTIMATE), most of the time it refers to romantic or sexual relationships. You can have several romantic/sexual Big/little relationships, of course, but simply having a Daddy/Mommy/little is not a romantic/sexual relationship in and of itself.

    It might be true that a vanilla (or otherwise) person would see it as 'cheating', and they'd be completely entitled to that view, and completely entitled to ask you to stop it. I don't think it counts as 'emotional cheating' unless they feel it is. Cheating, IMHO, is defined by the couple themselves. Some people are swingers, some people are unhappy about their partner having opposite-sex lovers (but fine with same-sex ones) and some are just uncomfortable with any kind of intimate relationship other than their own.

    For some people the idea of being someone's 'little' and of being their partner is interchangeable...being looked after and babied is 'romantic' to them, so it's understandable they'd object to their partner babying someone else. For me, though, they're different feelings. I mean, I couldn't have a partner without the 'parent' part, but I could have a 'parent' without a partner.

    There could be a few reasons why people aren't telling you you're stretching yourself too thin. I think the most obvious is, for them, you're not. The allocation of time you give to an online RP buddy, friend, or 'little' is usually not going to be the same amount as is expected for a long term romantic relationship. So while a wife/husband or girlfriend/boyfriend would be annoyed at you spending time away from them in order to type out messages to your online littles, your littles will probably not feel annoyed by (or at least, not allowed to express said annoyance, because it's 'wrong') you taking time to be with your partner. It's also possible you're just good at managing your time.

    There's other, more negative reasons, but as someone who always speaks her mind, I'm going to assume that people who are upset at you would say so :P

    What you describe does sound like polyamory (not sure if yours are romantic relationships), so I can see the parallels there. The parts about openness and honesty, and about loving each person separately and for different reasons, but the same amount, definitely correlate with a lot of stuff I've seen from poly communities and how I think I would feel about it.

    Is it crazy to take them so seriously? Not in my opinion. To me, being someone's Mommy/Daddy is a serious commitment, in some ways more serious than boyfriend/girlfriend (in perspective, I'd be quicker to call someone my boyfriend than my Daddy). So to answer the first sort of bit, I don't think it's nutty to totally love your 'little one's and take your role as their Daddy seriously. IMHO, it's commendable.

    On the second note, is it crazy to care about an online relationship so much? No, I don't think so. But I do think there are differences between the love for a person you can be with physically, and the love for someone you can't be with. As someone who has taken numerous OL relationships to IRL, it's two very different worlds. I've always been pleased by the results when I've gone to IRL, but the fact is people are 'different' in real life than they are online.

    Firstly, in real life you'll see more of that person, simply because you'll see them in many different contexts. I feel like that's key to 'knowing' somebody completely. Some people you might prefer to spend time with OL more than IRL...I have one friend who used to drive me nuts IRL but online I couldn't get enough...and I have many friends who, online, I have a hard time having a long discussion with.

    Second, there are more ways to EXPRESS love IRL, especially non-verbally. Online I find I need people to keep talking for me to feel we're connected at that moment...because the words are all we 'have', to paint a world in roleplay, or to express love. In real life, yes, words can be used too. But there's not always a need for them: snuggling up to someone at bedtime, hugging them close, giving their hand a little squeeze when they're afraid or you can't speak... you get a much wider 'vocabulary of love' when you're together in real life.

    I think this is only a problem if you let it cause problems IRL. Say you did have a partner and he/she was neglected for you to rp with your littles, that would be a problem. But loving someone very much via the internet isn't 'wrong' at all IMHO.


    And that, for me, defines Polyamory better than anything else, Always, I love them all and no matter what they do or what anyone else does, so long as they keep trusting me and loving me I'm never giving them up, and even if they do vanish that love will never fade.
    That is not really a definition of polyamory, it's more a descriptor of unconditional (esp. parental) love, IMHO. Poly people are just people who have romantic relationships with more than one person; that means nothing about if their love is 'unconditional'. Poly people can be as fickle as anybody else, and most people would say that having a love that 'never fades' for an ex-lover is kinda bad.

    As for rules you set, I was in a relationship once where I had a Mommy (romantic relationship) and a Daddy (nonromantic). Naturally, one was my 'primary' relationship and there were a few rules, some which were less rules and more just 'this is the way things are'.

    First, I tried to prioritise time with Lady. As in, if Lady was online and Daddy was online, I'd call her first. I usually tried to merge the two things, but if there was a choice, I'd try and always choose to spend more time with her, if i could.

    Second, Mommy had the last word, always, and was the main authority. We had an incident once where Daddy advised me that my punishment was one thing and Lady told me afterwards I should do something else. So from then on we had to establish that I always had to follow what Lady said, above anybody else.

    Outside of that relationship, I also had to keep her informed of any other relationships budding, tell her about any 'steps' we took (e.g. 'X changed my diaper, X said he loves me'). There's a...well, not really a 'ban' on calling other people Daddy, but it's something that she would have to feel 100% ok with before it happened. Actually, this rule is for both of us. I would hate to minimize what I have with her for a flash in the pan 'Daddy'. I would never have another 'Mommy' while I have her, either. This goes both ways, in terms of roles, as adding another little to our family would be a joint decision, and I wouldn't want any little calling me 'Mommy' without her consent.

    I would be interested in having that kind of dynamic again sometime but for now I'm content with just Lady. However I definitely agree that having multiple people to love can be very rewarding, and there's nothing wrong with wanting those kinds of relationships at all.

  4. #4


    Charliepup and Bolt, thanks for the advice but this thread wasn't about me getting advice or validation. I was looking to explore and share my feelings, and hoping people might share in return. After all I can't sign up to a Poly/kink forum and share there and I might come up against a huge amount of prejudice doing that and a search for ABDL and Polyamory didn't return any spaces to share either.

  5. #5


    Quote Originally Posted by DylanK View Post
    Charliepup and Bolt, thanks for the advice but this thread wasn't about me getting advice or validation. I was looking to explore and share my feelings, and hoping people might share in return.
    IMHO we've both shared information about our personal poly-ish situations (me and my 2 'parents', Bolt and his partner having little/big relationships outside the romantic one) and our opinions on polyamory. I wasn't attempting to 'validate' your lifestyle choices, merely to share my own opinions and experiences. The only 'advice' given was simple responses to questions you asked within your first post, and explaining what polyamory is, because you seemed confused. If you would prefer people not to answer questions you pose in your opening post, perhaps you shouldn't pose them! :P

    If the above posts aren't satisfactory, what else are you looking to get from this thread? I'm going to mention that I bring up the 'what you are describing is not polyamory to most people unless you're also having a romantic/sexual relationship' issue largely because misrepresenting what you're discussing here is going to leave you with fewer people posting: poly people (who have more than one romantic partner) aren't doing the same thing as you describe, except in some small ways, but people with multiple people to love in the more generic sense won't be attracted to a thread called 'polyamory'. I would never have called my relationship with Daddy/Mommy 'polyamorous', for instance. In fact I only ended up here because I saw Bolt had made a post in it (a rare occurrence).

  6. #6


    I'm sorry I misunderstood you to some degree

    My questions were partly rhetorical but mostly self answered in the following paragraph

    Polyamory doesn't have to be sexual, you can have an asexual person in your Poly molecule, and it doesn't have to be romantic, you can have someone who is just there for the sex. So why does it need to have at least one? Here the CT/baby relationship is another type of love other than sexual or romantic, and it's certainly more serious than friendship, you said you consider it harder to call someone your CT than your boyfriend or girlfriend. If my love is that strong why can't I judge my relationships that way. I'm not asking for anyone else to judge their relationships Poly because I have.

    As to your point about topic title it's a good one, I should have gone with "I love my littles" or posed a question maybe... I'll think about it

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