I am having a bit of a problem in terms of my "little" self. I have told my mother and grandmother, both of which accept it. My mother really is closer to indifference really. She accepts it, but can't understand it at all. I notice that in little mode I tend to feel not happy, but scared and rejected. While my grandmother knows and is very accepting and helpfull, it feels like if anyone I actualy live with caught me, they would be mad or unaccepted. Even my mother, though she knows, would be likely to be somewhat put off or outright ignoring it. My little self feels rejected, as if no one i see regularly cares or loves it. As such, when I regress, I am never really happy like some people.
And because my little self desperately wants someone to acknowledge it, it sometimes tries to get caught. Like laying in such a way at night that if anyone walked in on me in the morning without knocking, they would see me sucking on my paci. (doubt I suck on it while asleep, but they would see it in my mouth.) My adult self has to step in and stop my little side's desperate need for some acknowledgment, which makes being happy while little even harder.
What can I do? How can I get my little self to feel happy and not unloved and/or rejected?
Also, my grandmother thinks I am this way, due to trauma as a baby/toddler. I was always very sick, and around the age of 2 I had to go to a big hostpital, where strange people kept poking me with needles and hurting me, and mommy didn't stop them. People I didn't know kept coming and going and hurting me. Even younger I had my first eye surgery and they didn't know I was blind in one eye, so the doctors made me sometimes switch eyes with the eyepatch, so that haf the time my one good eyes was covered. Etc. Could this be part of the cause of why my "inner child" is stuck at around the age of 1-2ish? Could it also be contributing to the above emotional situation?
As for Therapy, I talk to my grandmother a lot, and she is as good or better than most therapists, as I can talk to her very easily. But talking about it and expressing it doesn't seem to really help my little side feel more loved.