Not posting much, reason for that.
I just came out at work. I posted some shit to Facebook and since some coworkers have each other friended, well it's only a matter of time.
What I said:
I've been depressed and I'm depressed because I don't why I'm depressed to begin with. This horrible catch 22 because I want to fix whatever it is but I can't do that if I don't know what needs fixing.
I'm tired of dealing with this shit though and I figure my only option at this point is to just say it and go down the list one by one. My biggest being this. No more lies, no more bullshit. Time to own up to who I am and who I always will be.
Yes, I'm fucking gay.
I realize by throwing this out in the open that I potentially outed myself at work. I've been in the graveyard shift business for a long time, 8+ years. I know homophobia is thick in such an environment, I get that it comes with the territory of the mentality of the people you work with. What you don't understand though and cannot even begin to comprehend because you are not me is how much living a lie eventually eats away at everything that makes you. I only hid and let people base their own assumptions because I didn't want to be thrown into some fucked up stereotype of whatever you perceived me to be. I am not that, labels are for suckers. I wanted to give you the chance to know me for everything else I have to offer BUT the truth. What I feared most of all though is you feeling like you had to treat me different because of who I really am. I don't give a shit, crack gay jokes. I'll be cracking them with you even! Life is way too short to get butt hurt over petty little things that don't even matter. I wish I took my own advice a long time ago but I got so caught up in my secret life that I became comfortably numb in the process.
I'm 31 now though and I just can't do that to you anymore. Not to anyone, not ever. That's not fair to you, not fair to me, and sure as hell not fair to my partner who I'm damn proud to have in my life. I don't tell them that enough either which is also something I need to correct.
So there it is, the truth.
...holy shit this beer taste good.