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Thread: Discovered a DL I know in my Town --- can't contact them...

  1. #1

    Default Discovered a DL I know in my Town --- can't contact them...

    For many years, (probably like many of us) I have wondered if anyone I know or have known is AB/DL. Even after talking with my wife about it and having made peace with it in our marriage, it can still be a lonely path. Furthermore, I also tend to struggle with shame (even though I've done a LOT of work around that and have released a great deal) and knowing another person in flesh and blood might be somehow strangely validating and encouraging.

    However, I grew up in a small town in SE Washington and still live within a a short drive of it in Oregon. Small population = small likelihood of finding someone with this relatively rare and unspoken kink. Well, through the wonders of the world wide web, I got up the idea of running a search through one of the diaper personals sites. One of them in particular offers searches by zipcode. Well, to my surprise, I found an individual who had listed his real name and had posted his real picture (wearing a diaper). To my greater surprise, I knew this individual (not well; but I know who he is and have at least spoken to him). He attended the high school I myself graduated from as well as the church I now work at; is maybe 10 years younger than me.

    After I got over my shock of seeing someone I actually know (and that he would put his real information on the internet and associate it with a diaper fetish) who has the same interests as I, I felt a great deal of disappointment because I simply don't think it's possible for me to contact him about it. Of course my interest in conversations would be entirely on the friendship/support level (I'm happily married and not looking for any kind of side-relationship); but still, it would be cool to know someone in person who is on the same path. Perhaps some of what I have learned about myself and life could be helpful to him...
    But the risks for me professionally, in opening myself up to a church member who is little more than a stranger to me, are far too huge for too little in return. I suppose If I were desperate for approval or wallowing in shame, or if I knew he were in crisis, it might be different. But in my current place in life, it just isn't worth the risk.

    I just find it ironic that after all these years, I finally discover someone with a very similar path to me That I actually know, from the same area, tradition, and school ---- and yet I can't realistically make contact.

    Has anyone else had similar thoughts/experiences?
    What would you do if you were in my situation? (i.e. employed church leader making this kind of anonymous discovery without any real 'need' to reveal oneself)

  2. #2


    Quote Originally Posted by cm90210 View Post
    Has anyone else had similar thoughts/experiences?
    sorta... my old irl friend liked the idea of diaps as a bondage toy...

    Quote Originally Posted by cm90210 View Post
    What would you do if you were in my situation? (i.e. employed church leader making this kind of anonymous discovery without any real 'need' to reveal oneself)
    would not make contact, simply because i dont really have a need to connect with a fellow fetishist...

    es a cool story though

  3. #3


    I'm from a small town and know of one other that was into it. I did contact them and was not pleased about it. I felt really weirded out.

    Do I think people can make good ABDL friends in real life? Yes. Would I have one if I could? Yes. But meeting some random person from the net you don't know just because they have an equal fetish or interest isn't necessarily a good idea. I wouldn't contact them unless you knew them really well or something. So many things could go wrong. You said yourself it could affect your church position or maybe he'd tell someone you both mutually know.

  4. #4


    As much as some people would like to make contact and establish a RL AB/Dl friend you have to look at the facts of the situation and weigh them out. Which it sounds like you've already done and come to the proper conclusion.

    a) you do not know this person all that well
    b) you are in a position that could have negative consequences if others found out about you through all this
    c) this person could accidentally or deliberately out you. You have no control over this if you initiate contact.
    d) you could possibly be opening yourself up to problems with this person whom you don't know that well that you might not know about
    e) this person could be into AB/DL in a way and/or at a level you are not comfortable with and therefore would not make for a very compatible friendship.

    try to find out more about this person in a way that does not expose your AB/DL interests. As you said, you really don't know this person all that well, AND you attend the same church in which you are a part of the staff. You could use that angle to introduce yourself and get to know the person better. If nothing else, in the end it will make you look like a more friendly church staff member.

  5. #5


    I have been looking for some time for a abdl in my area but don't know what to do when I find them it just seems awkward these situations are alike in some way
    ( just haven't figured it out yet)

  6. #6


    I know a TB/DL who actually went to my last school (Which was K-8th and had 800 people.)
    He's a grade behind me.
    I've talked to him before, but I hadn't expected him to be a *B/DL. I haven't spoken to him in years. I wouldn't know how to bring it up, and honestly, I'd rather not reveal myself to anyone who lives in the same city as me.

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