So, I'm pretty sure my dad has found out that I've been questioning my gender lately (he caught me dressed up, and I'm pretty sure he might have accidentally stumbled upon one of my pictures of me dressed up too >_>) and now I'm worried about him...
I haven't said anything to him, partially because I don't really know what to say yet, and partially because I thought we had a whole 'you don't say nothin I won't say nothin' thing going on, but he's been acting rather funny lately.
Yesterday, I was talking to my sister about a roleplay I was in (on another website) and my dad walked in on us. He overheard me referring to my character as 'she' and he said 'You're character is a girl? What are you a closet transsexual or something?'
I sort of pretended not to hear his comment, because I didn't know how to respond to it... Then he walked off, but before he did, my sister said a curse word, and I heard my dad say to my mom 'where did I go wrong?' My mom asked what he meant, and after a brief pause he said 'Listen to their language'.
I'm almost certain that the comment was not referring to my sister's language, as the two of us curse all the time and he never says anything, which leads me to think that he is blaming himself for my problem with my gender... Today me and him went to the store to pick up paint, and he asked me 'Promise me that if something happens to me, you won't be like your uncles and leave her to fend for herself.' (My uncles aren't exactly model children)
Anyway, that comment has me paranoid that maybe he is planning to do something to himself... I don't think he really hangs out with any friends (a lot of his childhood friends either moved away, or became drug addicts) and now with his blaming himself for my gender stuff I'm scared he's gonna do something...
He also got into shooting recently (a few months ago) and has started buying his own guns to shoot at the range, and of course, silly old me promised not to tell my mother about the guns.
So now I don't know what I should do, I suppose it could just be me being paranoid. My dad has made 'if anything should happen to me' comments before, but they didn't quite add before the way they are now... I can't tell my mom about this because I don't want her to worry, and I can't confront him directly because if I do, I'm 99% sure that the issue of my gender might come up, and I'm really not ready to talk to him about that yet... I'm really scared right now, I don't know how to approach this, but if I don't do something, and it turns out that I'm not just being paranoid, then I'm going to feel like its my fault... Both of my grandfathers committed suicide (one shot himself and the other drowned himself.) and my grandmother on my dad's side OD'd on drugs, so depression is known to run in my family, so yes, I do have rather good reasons to be paranoid about this.
I don't know what to do about this... how do I even approach it?