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Thread: AB Difficulties

  1. #1

    Default AB Difficulties

    I wasn't exactly sure which forum this should have gone in, the mature topics or this forum, so forgive me if it's in the wrong forum.

    I have this tendency to go through a major binge/purge cycle every few months. I feel so clean, strong and fresh whenever I purge, like I'm getting a new start and I don't need to depend on my AB things anymore. I tell myself that I'll be motivated and that I'm going to start new projects and begin new life changes. I'm very excited, and then somehow it all goes wrong and I end up back where I was, and I fall back into binging and resuming old habits. I feel weak when I wear diapers or indulge in my AB practices, and I absolutely loathe feeling weak. It seems odd that I'm not the only one who's experienced this cycle, but I don't understand why this happens. I don't want to feel weak liking what I do. I have conflicting interests that I'm embarrassed about and I reflect upon them so much so that I just start going around in circles until I run myself into the mud. It's especially hard because I live with another ABDL and whenever I purge, I start to resent them for having a stable interest in their lifestyle.

    Any advice or comments? It'd be much appreciated, thank you.

  2. #2


    Hey there. The Binge-purge cycle is certainly a pain that I'm sure we've all experienced at one time or another. For me at least, it seemed to coincide with any stress in my life. Try to find some kind of balance with the urges. I tend to pop in a paci for at least an hour before bed, whether I'm padded or not. It seems to level things out. I still diaper up when I can and look forward to those times, but it hasn't felt out of control for a long time now. Picture your desires like an inflated balloon. Let a little pressure out here and there and it won't feel so over-powering. And I must say, I'm jealous that you live with another AB. It sure beats having to wait for room mates to leave or go to bed before letting the little out to play.

  3. #3


    The more you can accept that this is just a strange but harmless thing you do, the less of a problem this will be. I haven't had the experiences you describe in years and it's so much better than the self-loathing I experienced just for doing something that didn't bother anyone and was very nice for me. I found that the more I accepted it and had opportunity to wear as I wished, the less pressing the desire was on me. It's certainly there at a low level most of the time but it rarely reaches that fever pitch of desperation with which I was once so unpleasantly familiar.

  4. #4


    I found that the less you purge, the less you binge. When I was a teen, locking away my diapers instead of throwing them out worked great for balance. We always want more what we can't immediately have.

  5. #5


    Thank you for the responses, and so quickly! The stress issue makes a lot of sense, now that I think about it. I have a lot of issues with anxiety, and most of the time I'm too busy trying to get through the day to stop and think about my cumulative cycles. In the past I've been really dependent on other people for my needs and survival that it really bugs me to not be able to do something on my own. I struggled and worked very hard for my independence, so now whenever I try to enjoy anything ABDL, I have this conflicting feeling that I'm being dependent on something for security, safety or comfort that isn't myself. I'm even scared that someone is going to pants me if I go for a walk outside! It's really strange.

    It's kinda liberating talking about it though, haha. I find it easier to write than to verbalize, which is also sad, but I suppose the ends justify the means.

  6. #6


    The most immediate issue is, as others have mentioned, self-acceptance. The underlying motivation for the purge is, usually, a fundamental dislike or lack of acceptance for what is an integral part of who you are. That is unhealthy and unproductive, and you really have to try to see that this isn't something about you which you can change or which you should try to change. If it harms no one else and gives you pleasure or peace of mind, there is nothing wrong with it. You are who you are - your ultimate goal should be to be as happy as possible with what you are.

    In more immediately practical terms, here's some general binge/purge advice that you may find useful:

    1. When you feel the desire to purge, remind yourself that you know the desires will return eventually, and that there's nothing wrong with that. If you feel the interests waning, that does not mean you have to rid yourself of things which you will want again once they come back. This is hard to do - it's hard to override emotional urges with logical reasoning, no matter how sound, but it's critical.

    2. When you feel the desire to indulge, do not repress it. Again, you must accept that this is part of who you are, and indulging these desires is no more alien or improper than indulging your desire to eat, sleep, or watch a good movie. This is something that makes you happy, and you have every right to be happy with who you are. Fighting against something so integral to who you are, as you've seen, is a losing and self-destructive battle.

    3. If, by slip-up or necessity, you repress your desires for a period of time, afterwards do not overindulge. The purge might be the more immediately damaging and noticeable half of the cycle, but you cannot overlook the importance of addressing the binge, as well. One of the things which makes that crucial self-acceptance hard is overindulgence - afterwards, you look back on your behavior and see it as extreme and overindulgent, and it gives you all the more reason to attempt to repress the desires when you next experience them. So goes the vicious cycle. You need to be conscious of this - no matter how desperate the desire, always indulge prudently. Before indulging, try your hardest to think rationally about the extent to which you can and should indulge at that point. If you don't think it'll be enough, plan to indulge to a lesser extent multiple times instead of to an unfeasible extent all at once.

    Hope this helps. Above all (and I realize I'm sounding like a broken record here, but it's true), whenever you're in doubt remind yourself that, for better or for worse, this is who you are and nothing you do will change that. Be happy for what you have, don't waste your time and emotional investment yearning for what you don't.

  7. #7


    Definitely a balance issue, Whie i'll admit to only one purge (everything went out), I've found that everyone finds, eventually, sometimes over the course of years, the happy medium.. My happy medium became a set of footie pjs, one pacifier, and a mostly 24/7 diaper habit(more diapered than not), AB?, i dunno, maybe more DL, but, oh well, thats me, one thing that I've found is that its something learned with age. balance.

  8. #8


    Everyone is different so it is probably not going to be possible for anyone here to fully explain why this is happening for you. Self acceptance can help, and for me was a huge key in overcoming the cycle although I also look at other factors like fear of being caught as having significance.

    For some it may be that when stressors or other life circumstances grow the desire to be back in diapers returns and then the person indulges. The degree of the indulgent makes a difference because, for example, going 24/7 and doing so for a short period of time is likely to end up heightening the desire to purge. Regardless, once the need that the diapers represent is satisfied the desire to purge grows. If the diapers represent any resentment, burden or whatever (this most certainty would include guilt) then the catalyst for the purge is set, and then you purge. This fulfills the new need to be done with the diapers and you feel relief. Then when the factors that trigger the desire, stress or whatever, reach a certain level the desire to use again returns and the cycle repeats.

    Two things that have already been mentioned, balance and self acceptance, are keys here. If you will reach a level of self acceptance where you are comfortable with this being a part of your life forever and where is can put off the guilt it will help. Then make a conscious decision to bring balance to your use. So if it normally wear diapers most of the time when is are wearing, spend a more moderate amount of time diapered and adjust that as necessary. A the same time spend a good amount of time purposefully not diapered and doing more adult things.

    I personally no longer purge by disposing of all my diapers and stuff, even if I have bunged for a period of time. I just recognize that if I have really needed them for a while it is fine, then when the feeling to purge comes I take it as a clue that I need a short break but I do not stop completely. This helps to stop a strong desire from returning after a period of inactivity. I find that this ends up being more of a series of occasional slight adjustments in my wearing.

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