I wasn't exactly sure which forum this should have gone in, the mature topics or this forum, so forgive me if it's in the wrong forum.
I have this tendency to go through a major binge/purge cycle every few months. I feel so clean, strong and fresh whenever I purge, like I'm getting a new start and I don't need to depend on my AB things anymore. I tell myself that I'll be motivated and that I'm going to start new projects and begin new life changes. I'm very excited, and then somehow it all goes wrong and I end up back where I was, and I fall back into binging and resuming old habits. I feel weak when I wear diapers or indulge in my AB practices, and I absolutely loathe feeling weak. It seems odd that I'm not the only one who's experienced this cycle, but I don't understand why this happens. I don't want to feel weak liking what I do. I have conflicting interests that I'm embarrassed about and I reflect upon them so much so that I just start going around in circles until I run myself into the mud. It's especially hard because I live with another ABDL and whenever I purge, I start to resent them for having a stable interest in their lifestyle.
Any advice or comments? It'd be much appreciated, thank you.