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Thread: I Think I'm FtM, but Not a True AB/DL

  1. #1

    Unhappy I Think I'm FtM, but Not a True AB/DL

    My real name is nowhere near Rob or Robby, and all I can tell you about myself is that I am female-bodied and in my late 20's, having never taken the first drop of male hormones nor had the first surgery. I would be devastated if those who know me in the real world discovered my lifelong interest not only in gender/sexuality, hence the short haircut and refusal to dress femininely (i.e. dresses) since 4th grade, but in the use of diapers -- especially for pooping!

    I myself haven't worn an actual diaper since I was under 3 years old, but I've always been fascinated with what goes in them when the wearer has a stomachache! I've been called "weird" all my life for watching intently as my little sister and cousins got their poopy diapers changed. Then upon finding many drawings of babies/toddlers being changed when I was 11, my mom tore them up and threatened to "make me eat the paper" if she ever found such an "inappropriate" drawing in my desk again!

    So as you can imagine, my fingers are trembling as I type this while she sleeps in a nearby room of this house, so I'll try to rush this post to completion. I'm basically just a butch-looking female who is made to wear women's clothing (they can be pants as long as they come from the ladies' dept.), and no one would suspect that I have such an interest. In fact, I've dishonestly answered, "Eeeew, noooo!!!!!" to the question, "Have you ever pooped your pants in your remembered life?" Lol, have I ever?!? In fact, the better question is, "How many times have you pooped yourself on purpose as a legal adult?" (Answer: numerous while home alone before carefully discarding the evidence, which how I survived to write this!)

    My underwear are the cheapest white/pastel panties available, and in addition to blood stains from my period, they often have what I call "minor skids" from me "not completing the paperwork," then scratching my butt later. It infuriates me when people say that "only XY men have that problem" because I know better (and see the evidence in my panties many times a week). You'll never know how many tears have wet my pillow because I have "the worst of both worlds!" (i.e. I'm not "pretty" or "classy" like a lady, nor am I "strong" and "brave" like a man.)

    My dream come true would be to go through "transition," which neither parent supports, wearing diapers for a period of time since boys train later than girls (I was about 33 months when I started wearing panties). I would also not want to go through that awkward stage of being a high-voiced, large-breasted, tampon-changing person in the men's room, which would give me a perfect excuse to wear diapers for the first time in decades! But until I live away from my parents, it just isn't safe for me to express myself about either of these things (transgenderism or infantilism). So until that "lucky" time in my life arrives, if it ever does, I will simply live as a miserable, short-haired woman, wearing cheap, cotton panties with skids and menses stains that eventually turn into holes.
    Last edited by RobiBoi7; 05-Nov-2012 at 08:00. Reason: forgot to mention something

  2. #2

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    your whoever you think you are sweetie don't classify yourself as one thing

  3. #3

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    If you want to transition, you kinda have to 'grow some balls' and start doing it. Of course it will totally fuck up your life and be full of awkward shit, but it's never going to happen if you don't even try. I mean, you can seek help and such, but it still requires you to put yourself in the deep end and just deal with all the problems that you'll have to face. You don't get happiness without effort...

  4. #4

    Thumbs up Re: Transitioning?



    Quote Originally Posted by Rissy View Post
    If you want to transition, you kinda have to 'grow some balls' and start doing it. Of course it will totally fuck up your life and be full of awkward shit, but it's never going to happen if you don't even try. I mean, you can seek help and such, but it still requires you to put yourself in the deep end and just deal with all the problems that you'll have to face. You don't get happiness without effort...
    Great advice, but unfortunately, that's easier said than done for me.

  5. #5

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    Have you looked at any trans gender forums, Susans Place , Susan's Place Transgender Resources for Transsexual/Transgender Communities has a lot of info for people in your shoes, I hope offering a link to another forum doesn t violate the TOS here.
    Just try to be who you are, its your life, make it what you want, you don t have to be pinnochio, if you try you can be a real boy, nocricket required.

  6. #6

    Default



    Quote Originally Posted by RobiBoi7 View Post
    Great advice, but unfortunately, that's easier said than done for me.
    Of course it's easier said than done. Transitioning is fucking hard and you don't get anything you want out of life if you're not willing to put in the effort. No one's gonna give it to you, and it's just going to wait until you grow a backbone, if you ever grow one.

  7. #7
    booboo1

    Default

    Here's my advice depending on your age & finances move out asap! Be the man you want to be & ignore the snarky comments from family/passers by in the street e.g. Oh what a freak!/You're wired! because you are how you are & you can't help it. There are many people out there just like you so you're alone. Just Be Yourself Rob/Robby! Go for it!

    "To Thy Own Self Be True"
    Last edited by booboo1; 18-Nov-2012 at 12:43. Reason: Removing auto duplicute post

  8. #8

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    I am FTM too and I waited til I was 43 to begin transitioning, mainly because of fear of how other people would react. It was the worst decision I've ever made in my life. Now I've finally started, it's like a terrible weight has been lifted off me.

  9. #9

    Thumbs up Great Advice!



    Quote Originally Posted by downtide View Post
    I am FTM too and I waited til I was 43 to begin transitioning, mainly because of fear of how other people would react. It was the worst decision I've ever made in my life. Now I've finally started, it's like a terrible weight has been lifted off me.
    Thanks for your insight, "big brother," but at this point, it is unsafe for me to even bring-up the subject to anyone while living with my very non-supportive mom! She even threatened to kill me in 2010 when I "came out" to some relatives who betrayed me by calling her long distance and telling her everything I'd told them. Then after crying for several hours, Mom told me, in no uncertain terms, that I "cannot be a man and be her daughter." She even said she'd rather have me commit suicide, "if gender is really that important," so she could bury me with my birthname (which I think she loves more than she does my body or soul) instead of "seeing me destroy her creation!" My dad isn't supportive, either, and he used the F-word (which he hardly ever does) when he got the news and said I'd "never make it as a man," so I'd have no one on my side if I even took the first step toward "maleness" in real life. Besides, I'm in no hurry to go through a stage of wearing diapers out of fear of both the men's and women's restrooms, which would also mean I could no longer eat out during that time and would become even more of a hermit than I already am. I mean, where else besides a diaper would a person with large breasts as well as a deep voice pee/poop at a place with binary restrooms? Could that be part of why there are so many MtF's who wear diapers? Are they no longer welcome in either restroom?
    Last edited by RobiBoi7; 19-Nov-2012 at 11:36.

  10. #10

    Default

    Get a job and move out. Or just move out somewhere where you're someone else's problem. Being afraid and dependant on your parents isn't going to get you anywhere. And when I say move out, go all the way to a better state. There's no point living anywhere in "the south" or whatever. You have to grow up and be a man, or continue to live with what you have. Waiting for a miracle isn't going to help because generally, miracles never come. If you don't take action, you don't go anywhere.

    I really don't get how anyone considers nappies to be a legitimate replacement for public bathrooms. Where are you planning on changing yourself? Even with the use of nappies, you have to use public bathrooms, you just end up attracting a lot more attention because changing isn't exactly subtle.

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