Results 1 to 7 of 7

Thread: Solution to election worries

  1. #1

    Default Solution to election worries

    The following is one of the best emails I've ever gotten...

    An Alternative

    Some of you have vowed to re-locate if the unthinkable happens on Election Day. Someone sent me this alternative:

    Dear Red States

    We've decided we're leaving. We intend to form our own country, and

    we're taking the other Blue States with us. In case you aren't aware,

    that includes California , Hawaii , Oregon , Washington , Minnesota ,

    Wisconsin , Michigan , Illinois and all the Northeast. We believe

    this split will be beneficial to the nation, and especially to the

    people of the new country of New California.

    To sum up briefly: You get Texas , Oklahoma and all the slave

    states. We get stem cell research and the best beaches. We get the

    Statue of Liberty and Empire State Building . You get Dollywood. We get Apple, Intel, Cisco

    and Microsoft. You get WorldCom. We get Yale. You get Ole' Miss. We get 85 percent of

    America 's venture capital and entrepreneurs. You get Alabama . We

    get two-thirds of the tax revenue. You now get to make the red states pay

    their fair share.

    Since our aggregate divorce rate is 22 percent lower than the

    Christian Coalition's, we get a bunch of happy families. You get a

    bunch of single moms. Please be aware that New California will be

    pro-choice and anti-war, and we're going to want all our citizens

    back from Iraq at once. If you need people to fight, ask your

    evangelicals. They have kids they're apparently willing to send to

    their deaths for no purpose, and they don't care if you don't show

    pictures of their children's caskets coming home. We do wish you

    success in Iraq , and hope that the WMDs turn up, but we're not

    willing to spend our resources in Bush's Quagmire.

    With the Blue States in hand, we will have firm control of 80 percent

    of the country's fresh water, more than 90 percent of the pineapple

    and lettuce, 92 percent of the nation's fresh fruit, 95 percent of

    America 's quality wines (you can serve French wines at state dinners)

    90 percent of all cheese, 90 percent of the high tech industry, most

    of the U.S. low-sulfur coal, all living redwoods, sequoias and

    condors, all the Ivy and Seven Sister schools plus Stanford, Cal Tech

    and MIT. With the Red States, on the other hand, you will have to

    cope with 88 percent of all obese Americans (and their projected

    health care costs), 92 percent of all U.S. mosquitoes, nearly 100

    percent of the tornadoes, 90 percent of the hurricanes, 99 percent

    of all Southern Baptists, virtually 100 percent of all

    televangelists, Rush Limbaugh, Bob Jones University , Clemson and the

    University of Georgia . We get Hollywood and Yosemite , thank you.

    Additionally, 38 percent of those in the Red states believe Jonah was

    actually swallowed by a whale, 62 percent believe life is sacred

    unless we're discussing the death penalty or gun laws, 44 percent

    say that evolution is only a theory, 53 percent that Saddam was

    involved in 9/11 and 61 percent of you crazy bastards believe you

    are people with higher morals then we lefties.

    Finally, we're taking the good pot, too. You can have that dirt weed

    they grow in Mexico .

    Peace out,

    Blue States
    Have a great day.

  2. #2

  3. #3


    What about me? I am a republican in California. I would protest such a thing VERY intensely.

    As for ANYONE from either said that they vow to movie if so and so wins I hear Mexico,Cuba,China and Venezuela are looking for new citizens. Good luck.

  4. #4


    Well if Virginia is red, then I guess I'll have to move up north a little ways to join New California :3

  5. #5


    Can you take out the part about ending the Iraq war? It'd be a little dumb to have all that effort go to waste...

  6. #6

  7. #7

Similar Threads

  1. Local Election
    By Ace in forum Mature Topics
    Replies: 8
    Last Post: 07-Nov-2008, 06:48
  2. I see a solution to this problem.
    By Valentine in forum Diaper Talk
    Replies: 12
    Last Post: 01-Nov-2008, 19:19
  3. Race playing apart in the presidental election?
    By Fire2box in forum Mature Topics
    Replies: 30
    Last Post: 25-Oct-2008, 02:02
  4. The solution to the gas prices.
    By EpicPie in forum Off-topic
    Replies: 24
    Last Post: 18-Aug-2008, 18:54

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  • - the Adult Baby / Diaper Lover / Incontinence Support Community. is designed to be viewed in Firefox, with a resolution of at least 1280 x 1024.