Hey guys, I need a little bit of help here. Its a mature problem so yeah under 18's you have been warned
So me and my FiancÚ broke up at the end of August, it was a mutual thing we were both really unhappy in the relationship and we are still friends.
So i moved back in with my parents which means i am about two hours away from her. This has given us alot of space which was one of the problems we were very much ontop of each other when we were living together. We were living in her home town and i had trouble making friends there and felt really isolated, and she was the only friend i had so if i wanted to do anything i had to do it with her, which was fine at first but everyone needs their space.
So anyway with us breaking up it strangely meant we were talking more and when we did see each other we were getting on better. So then it got sexual and the lines blurred and we are kind of unoficially back together now.
And this is my problem I really dont think i want to be back with her. One of the problems is that we both need to grow up and we wont do that when we are together so that was a big factor for the original break up.
But another big thing is i am completely unfufilled sexually. She is really selfish in that regard. The last time i was with her i went down on her for a solid hour, and when she came she kind of just went through the motions (as she always does) with me. It felt cold and well to be honest kind of like i was with a prostitute. Like there was no love there it was like she was doing it out of an obligation. So anyway i got a bit upset about it and asked her to stop. I wasnt being mean or anything i was giving her the silent treatment though. Then she accused me of just coming over to get a booty call, which wasnt the case. She was on her own and was freaking out so i came over to keep her company. And then i said that she never seems to enjoy it when its my turn if you will and she was all like well what do you expect. Then she was giving out to me because i initiated it, but like she wasnt complaining when i was going down on her.
This is definitely a recurring thing, and she was on the pill for a while and i know her sex drive was hit but she seems to be over that, but she still never initiates it.
Anyway i think thats enough detail to ask my question. How sexual should a relationship be? Like i do enjoy her company and i still love her but i dont know. Like for me i dont associate sex with love, but i accept you only have sex with someone you are in a relationship with. Now i want sex but she doesnt, so should i find someone else? Is that a good reason? Like i know i need sex, and if i dont get it i know i will resent her for it. Am i being a bit of a prick here? I am so confused right now and well yeah i dont know what to think. And also there are other issues at hand but sex seems to be the one that pops up the most
Thanks for listening to me it feels good to vent but still wow am i confused on what to do