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Thread: Need advice: Just found out a friend is AB/DL...

  1. #1

    Default Need advice: Just found out a friend is AB/DL...

    So, pretty much by accident, I found out today that someone I know in real life is also into the lifestyle. I was surfing another AB/DL site, looking at local profiles, and I saw one that was clearly my friend. (His default pic was a face photo of himself). Now I'm wondering: should I bring it up to him? This friend:

    --doesn't know I'm also an AB/DL
    --isn't a super close friend; I mean, we're more than acquaintances, but we're not besties or anything
    --would I be disrespecting his privacy if I said something? I mean, he did use a face pic of himself on the website, but still, people can get touchy

    I would like to say something to him, as it would be cool to have another friend close by who's into the lifestyle. I just don't want it to be awkward. What do you folks think--should I keep my mouth shut or bring it up?

  2. #2


    Wow, man, far out. Like, that's pretty heavy. If I was in that situation, I would probably invite him out for a brew, or over for one, and first try to get to know him on a personal level better. Keep the flow of beer kinda low, but once you both have a couple in you, you might start by sharing some of your own experience, and see if he loosens up a bit. You might keep it cool and just say that you have mutual interests, and that you have mutual online hangouts, and leave it at that. If he gets visibly uncomfortable, you might reassure him that he can talk to you. He just might wind up being one of your besties; give him a chance, because as far as he knows, you know nothing. Dig?
    Good Luck, brotherman.

  3. #3


    Same thing happened to me about a year ago except that he contacted me. He just sent me a message asking a couple of questions to confirm my identity first and then told me who he was. Even though we were never super close in high school it was cool to know that I wasn't alone during all those years (we were actually on the same debate team). We ended up exchanging phone numbers and then never calling each other. Sometimes I like his statuses on Facebook though.

    Moral of the story: go for it.

  4. #4


    In this entire world, given how rare this thing supposedly is, it is amazing that two people who are brief acquaintances actually share this same supposedly rare interest.

    I often say I do not believe this is as rare as we would think it is.

    Several years ago I was browsing websites, keep in mind the Internet was pretty new at that point, and I found the picture and name of someone who was a client of the company I worked for. Not only did he purchase stuff from me but I had even been in his home on a couple of occasions helping him with computer issues. At the time things were pretty complicated for me and given my fear of others finding out I decided to not say anything, besides this guy was a little odd for even me. We actually bumped into each other half a dozen times over the years.

    I really do feel there are more of us out there than we could imagine, not necessarily huge numbers but enough that we are likely to have gone to school with at least a few others, probably more though.

    The reason these connections are not made ore often is that many in the community do a really good job of masking identity. When they relax a little it is a sign they are looking to make connections. This is a normal part of being human, we seek acceptance and friendship. Typically we will see subtle clues but there are times that it is more obvious.

    This sort of thing has happened to me more than once, in fact 3 or 4 times. The latest was just a couple of months ago when I discovered someone in my own very small community shares similar interests. This time it is also someone I know, although not friends but I do now him.

    You have a lot of options here but I would say it is relatively safe to just go for it. You could strike an online relationship, although he may think it is a bit strange once he knows who you are. Personally I would just go for it. I would call him up, find an excuse to get together with him. I you know anything about any of his interests this might be a starting point. Then I would ask a couple of nonthreatening questions to make sure then just gently open up to him.

    Of course we are all different and some are pretty shy about the diaper thing. I am definitely in this boat myself, yet I find I have less inhibition to meeting or talking to someone when we share this common interest. This is part of what it means to be safe, in this case it is the sharing of a mutual interest that can the raise be considered pretty embarrassing if it were it just get out.

    Remember, he is likely to need to feel that he is safe as well.

  5. #5


    A few years back I discovered through conversation with friends that a mutual acquaintance was AB, while they were actually fairly open and kinda positive about it, I was internally freaking out...couldn't believe it actually. anyhow, this guy was apparently so open about the whole thing that I worried if I shared my interest wit him that it would out me publicly...and that definitely weren't happening. mores the pity, cause I've kinda lost contact with that connection, and I'm a bit easier about the whole deal nowadays. Do your homework I reckon, and if it seems cool, consider could be the start of a good friendship.

  6. #6


    Well my exp hits closer to home you see the person that I know is an ab is my neighbor who is also my nephew.
    we don't talk too much about the ab thing cause we don't get time where it's just the two of us to talk.
    I would say if you can in real life not just a computer talk to sombody about this then go for it.

  7. #7


    Send him a simple message telling him you live close by, and asking about his interest? See where it goes from there?

  8. #8


    not sure if i am off topic but i came here expressly to connect with others in one form or another. online for now but maybe eventualy a face to face with members from the chicago area. i know of nobody in my life who is ab/dl except for someone i knew when i was 6. looking back on the stuff we did i know now he was ab/dl. i've joked that i hadn't grasped potty training yet with some close friends

  9. #9


    Some years ago when I worked for manchester university, one of my colleagues sent me a picture of a guy in a diaper, asking if it was a picture of me. Personally I don't think it looked anything like me but he obviously did and also posted it on our staff intranet asking if anyone thought it looked a member of staff. I had made the occasional light hearted reference to diaper wearing in the time I worked there, so perhaps that had something to do with it in my case, but just because a picture looks like someone you know, it does not necessarily mean it is them.

  10. #10


    If it were me, I would first reach out to the person on the same forum if possible and tell him you know him irl, but instead of explaining in person that he doesn't have to worry about his secret, your profile will explain that you are both have similar interests. You could or course write more and see if he wants to talk more or meet up, but to me it seem better than approaching someone and saying i know you are an ab/dl and haven't had the second to explain how you know or that you are too. And if you start by saying that you are and he makes a weird comment it's tough to go back and say, but I saw you online, where denial might set in...

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