Sometimes, I can't help but be somewhat frightened by the depth of all these AB feelings inside. I mean, I've known I loved diapers for basically all my life, and didn't really have too much trouble accepting that for myself - the only reason I don't shout it out loud is because of social consequences. But the AB thing is something completely different.
Acceptance isn't even really the problem. It's been about one and a half year since I started acknowledging that I'm little on the inside, that I like to feel like a little boy on top of having a diaper fetish... and finally, I've been noticing some things are slightly different. I can regress a little more easily, though I still have trouble letting go of my daily adult issues. I'm more or less able to flip a switch when I go to bed, fetch my plushies and my pacifier while wearing a diaper and then get into my sleeping bag, so I feel kind of little... which is good. But frankly, I think I'm moving forward really slowly.
I figured that fighting it isn't really an option and would probably make everything much worse. So what do you do... go with the flow. But why is it that I can't as much in touch with my little side as most other ABs? Why can't I see a significant difference between the adult persona and the little kid paradigm? Is it because I just don't really need it as much, or is there something blocking me from exploiting it to the fullest extent? I wonder that. I've met others like us, IRL, and most of them (who were actually AB) had no problems regressing. But when I try it, especially if others are around, I feel awkward. Are the walls between my adult persona and the little boy inside simply too solid, is the adult persona being too stubborn? Maybe, but I'm not sure how to deal with that without removing the strength of my adult persona, which - I can't deny that - I really appreciate under normal, everyday circumstances. That is, I'm glad I can be an adult if I need to...
It's a difficult idea, so I was just wondering if others here might be able to shine some light upon this subject..