So, long story short, I've been using 2 beers 5x/week to "assist" with the proper usage of my product. I seemed to find a unique balance in my life: work was going great, I was kicking butt at home (doing all the cooking/cleaning etc) and I actually started going to Neighborhood Watch meetings and was even thinking about leading a group of Gay Straight Alliance folks where I work.
Then, last night, my wife (who is very supportive of my little quirk) read me the riot act about drinking. In all fairness, my drinking has, in the past, negatively impacted our marriage. For the last month, though, things had been going rather well.
Well, now that we had that conversation, the guilt and shame of having my beer flooded into guilt and shame about why I was drinking my beer. I'm on the edge of a brutal purge. Now that I know how my wife feels I am very depressed. My life is in the crapper.
You see, I only have about 90 minutes in which to relax in my preferred manner. I'd pad up, drink my 2 beers (along with water and gatoraid), do the cooking and cleaning, make kids lunches (sometimes), "aaaahhhhhhh", then have a snack and head off to bed. In a perfect world, I could start my activities at 9pm and "aaaahhhhh" (wet) at midnight. However, I love to put the wife to bed, hang with her, watch TV with her. That puts me at about 10:30, and I like to be in bed by midnight. So, I've been using beer to compress the time I spend in our particular activity.
Nowadays I don't like being drunk--I don't really like the feeling of it. I honestly--honestly--use beer (Bud Light Lime, no less--about 4.2%APV) to help wet in a timely fashion.
So, I guess I need set straight. Right now, I'd love to be electroshocked out of this desire. I know it can't be done, but I went from a place of peace to a place of depression and suicidal thoughts literally overnight. I'm almost 40, and what am I doing? Pissing in a diaper? By all accounts, I have about 25 more years on this planet. I want to be a loving husband and father while wedging in a manner of peace in my life.
Any advice? I'm seriously hurting here.