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Thread: Identifying my true self

  1. #1

    Default Identifying my true self

    So, Im gonna keep it short and simple. Lately I have come to terms with something that until now has seemed to be impossible to accept. I notice that I am not myself around my close friends and I put up this wall and this mask of toughness because i fear being rejected or having respect lost on me because of my real personality and way of acting.

    I also notice that I show extreme resentment to those who act as if they dont care what anyone, even their friends, think of them.

    But i know this resentment is only jealousy.

    All of this ties in with one other thing. I have an urge to indulge in my abdl nature, yet the moment I consider it, I begin to hear a little voice in my head (not literally) say "whats the point? You're alone", so I just put the diaper down and sit at my computer or watch tv trying to take my mind off it.

    Why is this related to my false personality? Because the real me uses friends as a medium to be who I am when I cant enjoy my abdl life. But lately i've noticed that I am no longer behaving like who I truly am. The absence of my best friend makes it more difficult because she gave me the strength and courage to be myself without fear of rejection, but she is no longer physically in the picture.

    Who am I really?: I am a kind hearted guy, Im very boyish and childlike, Im a little girly not in the sissy kind of way but in the emotional kind of way, Im giggly im not gay but I am just a kid in the body of an adult (not in an immature way, more like a playful way).

    Who do I pretend to be: This tough acting man who feels like he has to be brutally vulgar and not show any sense of sadness or emotional instability.

    I use to be comfortable with myself, but now I feel like im denying myself my true personality, and with it my urge to even wear a diaper or act like a baby is fleeting. And not having any abdl friends to hang out with doesn't necessarily make it any easier.

    Do I expect a response? Probably not, i just dont know where else I could post this and get it out of my head.

    p.s. oops... I guess i couldn't keep it short... at least its simple.. I hope?

  2. #2


    Life is a long journey in which you are always changing and ever searching for yourself. The human mind is a very complex thing. It doesn't matter who you are or even how successful you are, at some point you will question yourself and who you are.

    I doubt you are putting out a false personality as much as just showing one part of yourself only. You are or feel compelled to hide the other parts of your personality because you are afraid of the judgement of others. Others WILL judge you as this is human nature and you have to be prepared for it and willing to search out others that are true friends that like you for who you are.

    If you are really lonely just PM some folks here and I am sure some of us are more than willing to talk more in depth and become friends on a higher level even offline.

    Be yourself.
    Be open and honest.
    Put yourself out there in a place like this where you aren't likely to be ridiculed.

    Love and hugs,


  3. #3


    I understand what you mean, and ^ babymitchy is right people do judge to quite extent.
    But think of it like this: enjoy yourself and who you are, everyone has something that makes them unique and not like others.
    Even if its not baby related, maybe you are creative and a heavy thinker, maybe seeing the best in people, etc.
    in the end here almost everyone is supportive and will talk about pretty much anything
    I may not be what you'd call an adult by any means, but i hope can throw in some input.

  4. #4


    I guess i just feel like I use to be a hot commodity, and now Im no longer interesting or a desired person to be around... I feel like before people showed so much enthusiasm in me and my hobbies and my lifestyle, and now its like they want to get away from it. I mean i dont expect people to be endlessly interested in me, but i dont expect them to push me away either... I use to be such good friends with people who allowed me to be me and now I feel like the only friends I have left are the ones who would rather not hear a word related to my lifestyle. So i restate, I feel like im not longer of any worth to anyone.

    And yes your input is welcome this situation can be put upon anyone from what I understand.

  5. #5



    I have heard this from so many of the AB's I chat with...they feel abandoned and that leads to feeling worthless. But I tell them that people distanced themselves more because of their own issues as opposed to the AB's needs. It takes special people to embrace the AB's of this world and help them through the various set backs they experience on what seems to be a daily basis. It is regrettable that folks can "overlook" the bad behavior of a pop star convicted of crimes against children, but turn their back on such precious souls who want nothing more than to be loved and accepted for who they are...diapers, bottles and all.

    Please believe me when I say that you most certainly have worth! Every soul does however; we make the mistake of gauging our worth based upon other people's opinion of us and that is not being fair to ourselves...been there, done that. Don't let the fact that you are on your own right now deter you from allowing your AB side time to come out. One AB I chat with regularly is alone but takes every opportunity he can to allow the bABy to be. Give yourself some down time and play...allow yourself to experience that bABy time fully and try hard not to worry about those who have moved away...they will either be back or they were not truly your friends to begin with. A sad truth...but truth it is. If you want to chat, let me know...I would be happy to add you to my AB friends chat list.


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