I have hit a speed bump with this whole side of myself. Maybe not a speed bump, much more like a wall. It has come to the point where I have actually considered quitting and I think that always warrants the consent of other people's opinions and advice, not too mention a lot of thought, good reasons, and tons of motivation.
I have been an AB/DL for four years counting since the time when I first came across the material on the internet in my Junior year in high school. I certainly didn't become AB/DL right then and there, but finally discovered a name for some of the things I had been doing since I was twelve.
Its been a long and fun ride since I have started and my thoughts and experiences could fill an entire journal (they have). There is so much I have read and related to on this forum and hopefully I can finally add something that other people can relate to as well.
College was truly the start of most of my experiences and participation, especially when I scored a single room only a few months into freshman year. I went through the usual confusion, purge and binge, and eventual acceptance. I was a strict DL at first but by the end of sophomore year, after much thinking and experimenting, I came to admit I was a lot of different things, especially an AB.
And while I had accepted my AB/DL side, there was still a huge dichotomy between my AB and DL side it felt like. I love the DL side. I could write a book on the different aspects of a diaper I find fascinating and erotic. I've spent countless hours in picture and video galleries across the web and have amassed a personal collection. There is no end...
I love the AB side. I like being little. I like being cute. I liked wanting to be taken care of. It had taken me a while as a straight twenty-something guy to admit those things but it makes me feel so warm inside. It also turns me on like no other. I hate that. It means at some point, all those wonderful feelings come to an end with a release and I feel it undermines the experience of being little. It perverts it.
And this is where I have a problem with my AB and DL side. At the end of the day, both end up being largely sexual and lead to release which then erases all such feeling for AB and DL from my mind for usually up to a week. Not to mention, releasing to AB/DL desires always messes with my libido patterns and overall motivation.
I think that as soon as something begins to affect any other parts of your life, it should be unquestioningly quit. I am at that point where I am about to commit but I know it is going to be a difficult road and I'd hate to have to give up participating in all of it because one aspect of it doesn't work for me.
Thoughts? Tips/Advice? Similar Experiences?