Last January I lost my mother very unexpected. Literally she had been sick for a few days with what looked to be as bad the flu, went into the hospital on Friday because it hadn't been getting better, and I was told Saturday morning of her passing earlier that morning. I first thought this to be impossible.... I had talked to her Friday morning, said goodbye before I went to school, hugged her and watched some TV before I had left. She just didn't seem that sick...
Anyway, I have been trying to cope with all of that, and it has been hard, but as I said, I've been coping. Less then accepting, more then letting it rot me from the inside out. Though thoughts have come to my mind that have brought up feelings I thought I had already worked though.
It's going to be my first Halloween without her. No one to look at my costume and tell me that it is cool or that it is good, and even tell me that it is cute, which kinda bugged me when she was alive but now I miss the thought of it so damn bad.
It's going to be my first Thanksgiving without her. I won't have he sitting across the table, or joking about how spots obsessed my dad can get, or someone to ask me to help cook.
It's going to by my first birthday without her in December, and I don't even know what would... excuse me, will, happen now that she's gone. My dad forgot my birthday last year, and my mom was the only one to tell me happy birthday that entire day (in real life. I thank my friends Jordan, Josh, Michael, and any others, and especially thank my boyfriend Tom) and I felt so great to have her there.
And finally, and probably most heartbreaking, it's going to be my first Christmas without her. I just.... I can't even go into all the good memories and how I feel knowing that she's not going to be there anymore.
Does anyone know where I'm coming from, or have any advice on what to do? I mean, I haven't even visited her grave, and I don't think I could ever bring myself to.