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Thread: Marriage and Baggage

  1. #1

    Default Marriage and Baggage

    Just a thought I had driving home today, I've heard the phrase "Every marriage comes with baggage" as I am sure everyone has heard in at least different variations. One i actually found while searching for the wording i was hoping for was

    "EVERYONE YOU MEET COMES WITH BAGGAGE FIND SOMEONE WHO LOVES YOU ENOUGH TO HELP YOU UNPACK"
    Which i thought was quite applicable to my thought.
    Any way, the thought that came to my mind was:

    Every marriage comes with baggage, but it is better if it comes with a closet instead.

    Meaning being, that if somebody comes with baggage, it means they have all their secrets hidden and stuffed away, and haven't learned how to manage it. While those who have finally unpacked and organized, still may have the exact same items that were in the suit case of their secrets, but now it is in a closet where they can go through, use, organize, and understand the items that are behind closed doors except to those whom they trust.
    Keeping secrets in a 'closet' is a whole different aspect rather than keeping it as 'baggage' because with baggage, the person doesn't yet know how to handle it.

    I just thought this applied well to the life of an AB/DL or really anybody else (regardless that 'coming out of the closet' is generally referred to homosexuality). I'm just glad that i feel like over the last few years I have finally been able to un-pack my baggage, and put it in the closet, for me to organize some of my secrets and occasionally put on one set of clothes or the other, knowing what and how i should use these items of my life.

  2. #2

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    My wife came with baggage, Hartman, to be precise. She got it as a graduation present and she loves it. We use it to this day, as it has held up very well. Is this what you mean? I came with baggage to the marriage as well. Just small stuff really, diapers, wetting, gay lovers, .......... just small stuff.

  3. #3
    Falkio

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    In a major way, I'm glad I like guys. There's probably a better chance of a male partner accpeting my diaper fetish than a straight laced female one. Us gays typically come with more fetish oriented baggage anyway. At least it's entertaining sometimes :3

  4. #4

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    Quote Originally Posted by dogboy View Post
    My wife came with baggage, Hartman, to be precise. She got it as a graduation present and she loves it. We use it to this day, as it has held up very well. Is this what you mean? I came with baggage to the marriage as well. Just small stuff really, diapers, wetting, gay lovers, .......... just small stuff.
    Well, I guess what i'm saying is that from the thought i had, baggage just seems like something "unpacked" (not meaning un-removed) So in your case where i'm sure you understand yourself and accept yourself as i figure from other post's you make. I'd consider where you are as having things put away nicely in the closet for you to pull it out whenever, rather than packed away in a suitcase where you are afraid to open it, but you know it is there. Do you get what i mean?

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    Quote Originally Posted by Falkio View Post
    In a major way, I'm glad I like guys. There's probably a better chance of a male partner accpeting my diaper fetish than a straight laced female one. Us gays typically come with more fetish oriented baggage anyway. At least it's entertaining sometimes :3
    Same thing i said to Dogboy. Sounds to me like its no longer baggage for you because you have an understanding of yourself rather than being afraid of it.

  5. #5

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    Yeah, I had to make a joke about my wife's physical luggage, haha. In reality, we both had baggage when we got married. I knew she was diabetic, but because I was young, I didn't know much about the disease. We both wanted children, but when we went to her doctor, he advised against it saying it would be hard on her health. My wife was very stubborn about this so he said he'd get her through the pregnancies. We successfully had our first son, but lost a second child into the 6th month. We tried again and had our beautiful daughter.

    As for me, before marriage, I told my wife of my past sexual history in college, living an exclusively gay life with my boyfriend. The ironic thing is that I still talk to him by e-mail, and he and my wife are very good friends. She talks to him more than I do via Facebook. He's somewhat famous as he is a Fellow to the Kennedy Center. Anyway, my wife dearly loved me and married me despite my being a complicated person. I did not tell her about my being an DL/AB. That revelation didn't come until 2008 when I joined this site. She has been very accepting and supportive.

    Life gives us many challenges, but if we are honest, we can either overcome those challenges, or find ways to work with them. That has been our case.

  6. #6

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    Quote Originally Posted by dogboy View Post
    Yeah, I had to make a joke about my wife's physical luggage, haha. In reality, we both had baggage when we got married. I knew she was diabetic, but because I was young, I didn't know much about the disease. We both wanted children, but when we went to her doctor, he advised against it saying it would be hard on her health. My wife was very stubborn about this so he said he'd get her through the pregnancies. We successfully had our first son, but lost a second child into the 6th month. We tried again and had our beautiful daughter.

    As for me, before marriage, I told my wife of my past sexual history in college, living an exclusively gay life with my boyfriend. The ironic thing is that I still talk to him by e-mail, and he and my wife are very good friends. She talks to him more than I do via Facebook. He's somewhat famous as he is a Fellow to the Kennedy Center. Anyway, my wife dearly loved me and married me despite my being a complicated person. I did not tell her about my being an DL/AB. That revelation didn't come until 2008 when I joined this site. She has been very accepting and supportive.

    Life gives us many challenges, but if we are honest, we can either overcome those challenges, or find ways to work with them. That has been our case.
    Thats pretty awesome, your wife must be an amazing person. Yeah, I understand that everyone comes with baggage, and we live with that because of love. I guess i'm really making a tomato into a tomahto.
    I can't wait to meet whoever that someone is that isn't afraid of my baggage.

  7. #7

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    Generally the term "baggage" referrs to emotional scars, distrust, and insecurities brought over from past relationships. They may include harboured feelings or disruptive learned behavior dealing with problems in a relationship. If a relationship endures for several years usually the destructive baggage is lost and a healthy relationship ensues. For example: If you are starting your FIRST relationship you would have NO baggage to carry-over and are hence starting anew.

    As you stated, yes, baggage can include things such as kinks or fetishes such as abdl stuff but only if they have been problematic in past relationships. After all, we would hardly seek out or indulge someone who we believed to be repulsed by our desires. We tend to gauge these desires/responses long before we expose them. Let's take, for example, the opposing side. If someone were to develop interest in you, their first order of gauging would be to try and get a sense of who you are and how out-going and tempermental you are before exposing thier secrets or desires. If you don't fit the bill then the interests may fade off shortly.

    Baggage and fetishes are a HUGE part in lasting relationships and those that supress either are usually miserable and end up alone.

  8. #8

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    Quote Originally Posted by Tyger View Post
    Thats pretty awesome, your wife must be an amazing person. Yeah, I understand that everyone comes with baggage, and we live with that because of love. I guess i'm really making a tomato into a tomahto.
    I can't wait to meet whoever that someone is that isn't afraid of my baggage.
    Thanks Tyger, and yes, she is special. As you probably know, we were both hippies during the late 60's. I was actively engaged in demonstrating to end the war in Vietnam, and for integration in our schools. My wife was as well, but in addition to that, she was a student at Kent State where the National Guard fired on the student body, killing four students and injuring many others. When we met in Ohio in 1971, we both had that in common. As students, we put ourselves on the firing line. She has always been an independent person in her thoughts and ideology. I think in many ways we were always supposed to be together.

    I think baggage can be anything from our past that can make a relationship difficult. I had to change what I wanted out of life in order to have a successful relationship with my wife. I suspect it was easier for her to live with me, a free spirit. I think that's what she fell in love with, that, and I wasn't bad looking....teehee. We've had a very fulfilled life together, as we continue to enjoy life. I don't think we have ever gotten to that point where we've lost the desire to be young, and have young open minds. It makes life interesting.

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