As long as I could remember, I was curious about what it would feel like to wear a diaper. It was frustrating that I didn't have any memories of wearing while I did get to see my younger sister and cousins in them. I felt like I missed out. If it weren't for the baby pictures, I almost might have thought I never wore diapers. Anyway, that curiosity never really went away but it seemed too weird to tell anyone. As a senior in high school in a film/lit class, our teacher went over the concept of a fetish as a film term. He described the regular definition and at that point this thought occured to me: I have a diaper fetish.
I had no idea if that was a real thing though until I went away to college the next year. That's when I first really started using the internet (since I was so bored) and that's when I discovered tb/dl. But I was always a very shy person, unable to talk about a lot of personal things. I still felt like I was so different from everyone else that no one could relate to me. The diaper thing became an obsession and it did interfere in some ways with my life. I just wanted to stop thinking about it but that never happened. I had a lot of other issues too about sexuality that bothered me but I felt were silly or stupid for me to ask. Nobody else seemed to fret over them so it must be immature of me to question.
At the end of my sophomore year, a lady at my college diagnosed me with Aspergers Syndrome which finally explained why I felt such a barrier between me and others. I transferred schools and now am back at home. I have gradually become more assertive about myself. This summer, I finally told my therapist about my fetish. She was fine with it so I felt a little better. Just over a week ago, I stumbled onto these videos about shows that dealt with adult babies. One was on Tyra Banks and the other was WE network "Secret Lives of Women: Fetishes and Fantasies" (I'd include the links but apparently I need five posts first.)
It's was very uplifting to see some positive coverage. I felt a lot more confident about myself after seeing healthy and otherwise "normal" people who were like me. A lot of the other examples on the internet weren't as family friendly or they were more anonymous, so it was difficult to get a sense of them having a regular life outside of ab/dl.
Last Monday (10/20), I finally told my mom everything and she only wished that I had told her sooner because then I wouldn't have had this dark secret that ate me alive for so long. She went with me to another one of my doctors and he was completely nonchalant about it saying "I can handle anything, no need to hold back." And he even implied it would probably be healthy to go out and get some diapers just to finally end my curiosity. I know it won't go away but at least now I feel at peace about it. The way I now think about it, diapers are a part of me but they aren't even close to being all of me.
I haven't gotten diapers yet but I hope to soon. The kind I want is whatever adult brand best resembles disposables from the late 80's since that's what I remember. (particularly the blue/pink Huggies) So I'm wondering if anyone knows what kind of diapers she was wearing in the Secret lives of Women video or the training pants girl who is in her cheerleading outfit. Those look good.