I have read some of the similar threads to this matter and I'm just not finding or seeing any possible happiness in this.
I'm afraid to face this. I already spent 20 years of my life coming to terms with myself with being Transgender and bi, and its taken a lot of courage for me to live the life I live. Being bisexual alone is a hard enough characteristic to live with. Then to be Transgender on top of it.
I finally learned to love myself a few months ago, when I had my diaper attraction deeply repressed. I don't care that people know I'm transgender, because what they think of it is their business not mine. But as hard as I try I cannot bring myself to accept myself as a diaper lover. and I think it is because it is not as accepted as being transgender is. I was able to accept myself as trans and bi so easily because I live in the LGBT center of the town I live in. I live in a very democratic liberal town, so things of that nature are common and widely accepted. But even in this community of "Circus lifestyles" I find myself apprehensive and shameful about my attraction towards diapers, and role-playing as a four year old daughter.
I try to convince myself everyday, that I don't have to embrace this part of me. I could live perfectly happy without ever wearing a diaper. I'm pretty, I'm intelligent, (a bit full of myself sometimes), and people around me accept me as the woman I've always been inside. And yet, it is an eery conversation I have with myself, because I once had the same debates with myself about being transgender.
Deep down I know I will have to accept it one day but, I'm just not sure where I could find the confidence to walk down the street with a pull-up on. The most I do is I now sleep with yoga pants and the generic Depends that my local retailer has. That makes me so happy. And all I can fantasize about is finding a man or woman to love me like that. Someone who wouldn't mind role-playing with me.
There is one more added factor to it all, I suffer from Multiple Personality Disorder. So how do I know this isn't just one of my personalities? Even if it is though, the key to my disorder is to merge all personalities into one. THe way my brain is set up, I can never get rid of personalities, I can only merge them. And even when they are all merged, my brain is designed to create new personalities, something I will deal with for the rest of my life. SO in essence, I cannot get rid of this diaper loving part of me, this part of me that wants to role-play. It will always be a part of me. I just don't know how to accept it and merge it into myself.