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Thread: Looking for help, maybe find a stone left unturned.

  1. #1

    Question Looking for help, maybe find a stone left unturned.

    Hey All, I come to you guys as my source of knowledge because I dont know where else to turn and neither does my girlfriend.

    She is 20yrs old. Since about 4th grade she has had a problem with randomly, no warning at all, messing herself. Some times a little. Some times a lot. and sometimes she doesn't even notice that she has messed herself for a little while unless she moves the wrong way.

    Her doctor could never find anything wrong with her and concluded that nothing is.
    Her parents thus think she is doing this all on purpose and continually degrade and harass her about her problem.
    The psychologist her parents made her see when she was younger blamed everything on her, said it was all her fault and that no one would ever love someone who was as lazy and immature as she was.
    So here is my question to you guys.

    Have any of you suffered, heard of, or come across something like this before? Any ideas of what this might be?

    She has tried changing her diet, her exercise routines, her day to day life habits. Nothing seems to make any difference for better or worse.

    Where she is a beginning AB/ToddlerFur. She doesn't like having all these accidents and no control over them at all really. I hate to see how this brings her down and all I want to do is help her and I feel so powerless.

    I am the only one outside of her family and doctor that know about her problem. I try to support her and boost her self-esteem as much as I can, but I really dont know what I can do and it hurts me everytime she has a bad day like today and lets her problem get to her....

    I just want to help my girlfriend, but I dunno what else to do....

  2. #2


    I'm not a doctor, but I believe that actually is a rare medical condition. I can't recall the term but I'm sure a google search would provide an answer. Cleary that psychologist was a crackpot because you never say something like that to a patient! I would suggest you have her join this community if she has not already done so. People here are the most supportive bunch I've ever known. Just keep caring for her, and don't rule out alternative treatments either...hypnosis, accupuncture, etc.


  3. #3


    My Girlfriend used to hide herself away because of her incontinence issues.
    She thought people would judge her badly because of somthing that is beyond her control.

    She would only leave the house if she realy had to, shopping, doctors, etc, but slowly i managed to teach her that not everyone judges you harshly for somthing like that, and most people dont even notice her problem, unless she herself makes an issue with it.

    Now she feels good enough about herself to go just about anywhere and put herself in just about any situation without panicing and getting worked up.

    I managed to show her that just because she has certain health issues, ie feacel and urinary incontinence it dont mean her world has ended, it just means that she gets special attention and loving care that other people dont, especially at chaning times.

    Tell her you love her no matter what, and that it dont make any difference to you what problems she has, that your love for her will never ever change.

    When she messes give her a kiss or a cuddle and tell her that its ok, she cant help it, and has done nothing wrong.

    Make sure she knows that she can allways count on you to clean her up and re diaper her,and never to judge her harshly for her accidents.
    Personally I think it is the most natural and loving thing in the world, to show her that you are prepared to support her and do the things most men would shy away from, as in changing etc.

    From a medical point of view i cant really say, im not a doctor, but speaking as one who does care for someone in the same situation, all i can say is love her for the unique beautifull person she is and do your very best to make her as comfortable about her situation as she can be, and allways make sure she knows that when she has problems, you are there to help, and nothing will ever change how much you love her.

    For me it took a while but it sure was worth it to see my girlfriend start living life again and not having to worry and take on the world by herself because of somthing she can not control.

  4. #4


    Like others have said, sharing a problem can be good, but not everyone finds it easy to be open about very personal and upsetting things - even to those closest to them. This is something people who have had serious surgery often have to come to terms with and although fecal incontinence is very unpleasant most people have the same experience as DaddyUK's girlfriend and find the confidence to get on with life. As in so many things in life size does matter. There is a lot of difference in coping and management terms between small and big messes. The temptation is to regard everything as a disaster - but you learn to differentiate between the small leakage that probably no one will notice and can be dealt with when convenient and the big unexpected evacuation that must be attended too immediately. Not everybody has bowels that want to empty on schedule, but even if the need is always unexpected it is sometimes possible to learn the kind of foods it is best to avoid if you know you are going to be away from base for a long while - too bad these always seem to be the ones you enjoy most!

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