It has come up in most of my posts that perhaps I should leave my diaper hating husband. It has even come up in therapy. My therapist doesn't see much hope for the marriage and tried to convince me that staying with him is a choice. I haven't felt much like it is because my job doesn't pay enough to support me. However, today I have officially started searching for better employment so that it really is a choice.
Today I managed to write an awesome resume for jobs in my field and applied for two different jobs that I am qualified for at our local university. There are other jobs that I know I can apply for, but the application process takes forever even with an already complete resume, so I will wait on that until tomorrow. I feel more exhausted than I do after a day of bike riding, but also happy because I am doing what I can about my situation.
I have a friend who knows about what I am going through and he has offered to help me find a job, which he did today by helping with the resume. I am lucky to have someone in my life who is good at this and believes in me and can help me before I have panic attacks while working on my resume.
In conclusion, as I told him:
I may not have the option to leave right now, but I do have the option to work on getting myself a better job so that in the future I can make that choice. Not looking for a better job and whining that my job doesn't pay enough to support me is a choice, and one that I am no longer going to make.