Something happened in my life last night that has shed a great deal of light on my fear of telling my husband I am DL.
For those of you who don't know, I have been married for nearly 4 years now, but did not know I was DL until 7 months ago. This happened as a result of a traumatic therapy experience when I was 12 that led to me repressing a great deal of my sexuality and being in denial about that which I could not repress. I finally came out to my therapist as DL 2 weeks ago, but my husband still does not know.
I have had a great deal of anxiety surrounding my husband knowing I am DL. I had thought that it was because I knew how much he hates diapers. He had an ex who he broke up with when he found out she was AB, but now I realize that wasn't the big issue. The issue is that he, to this day, continues to talk about her and insult her to friends and family. Luckily for her none of these people are people she ever knew and so she is not outed in her own real life, but this behavior of his, this not showing any respect for the fact that this is HER information to share, is what worries me.
Then there is what happened last night that made me worry even more. We were at game night playing Cards Against Humanity (a depraved version of Apples to Apples) that prompted a lot of rather explicit discussions. He "accidentally" let the whole group know about the fact that I have had a genital piercing. While this isn't something that is particularly a secret, it also isn't information I readily share and it most certainly wasn't his information to share.
He claims it was an accident, but it just doesn't even matter (Besides, how in the world do you accidentally talk about someone else's genital piercing?!?!?!) This is exactly the reason that I feel like I should never tell him. I fear he would out me when I least expect it, that he has no sense of understanding why this type of information about a partner should be protected, not used to humor a group of friends.
I am still extremely angry with him for this. I am now even more adamant that I never tell him I am DL, even if I come across as a jerk by divorcing him with no apparent reason. My therapist (who I haven't seen since I came out to him two weeks ago because he is on vacation) think that I should tell my husband. But to me it just seems too risky.
Am I being rational? Is it okay to be mad at him still? Do I have an obligation to tell him I am DL? I feel like I don't, but I also wonder if I am reacting out of irrational fear and over-protectiveness of myself. What do you guys think?