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Thread: Honesty is the Best Policy: Don't be embarrassed of your diapers!

  1. #1

    Lightbulb Honesty is the Best Policy: Don't be embarrassed of your diapers!

    Reading the threads on the forum, I'm saddened by the fact that so many guys (and even a few girls) are so scared to talk to anyone, primarily their lovers, about their love for diapers.

    There are so many threads that show there are tons of lovers out there who are too scared to talk to their lovers about diapers (especially boys, we're way less shameful). I say, if they really love you, tell them or move-on. Whether you wear occasionally "for fun" or you really love being diapered often, if diapers make you happy then your lover should know. As a DL, you shouldn't be ashamed to tell people you love and trust about something that's a big part of who you are.

    Us Americans are a very shameful people in general. We love to have our own special desires, but we're so quick to pick-on and laugh at other people's quirks. Americans avoid the subject of fetish at all costs; we're so afraid of being ostracized for being different. The majority of us are too scared to admit what we truly enjoy. Instead, often times we say what we think our friends and lovers want us to enjoy; like the sex we see in the movies. The possibility of someone finding out our secrets seems so devastating, and really, it isn't a big deal if you think about the big picture. People forget things, they move on. Your fetish isn't as crazy as you think; remember, there are billions of people on this planet and you can't possibly be the only one with a fetish!

    Back to Diapers..

    One thing that always gets my goat; there are lots and lots of people that enjoy wearing diapers; thousands & thousands!! This internet proves it, YouTube, fetish sites, all the AB/DL-dedicated community sites (like this one) from all over are full of members! Can't forget the Bambino and ABUniverse websites which are exclusively dedicated to selling adult-sized baby diapers for adult babies and diaper lovers, not to mention other online AB/DL stores. The evidence that we are not alone is staggering!

    It's sad that so many of us prioritize our self image above our own happiness. So much so, that we won't give-in to what we really want, even if it's not a bad thing. Compared to what many people do for kicks (drugs, drinks, violence, etc..), wearing diapers for fun is such a harmless and positive way to express ourselves.

    My wonderful girlfriend knows that occasionally I like to wear diapers for fun, especially to bed "just in case" and she thinks it's totally cute. Admittedly it took a while for me to be comfortable enough to tell her but once I started to come clean I felt amazing. Although it was weird letting someone else in on my most personal secret, it feels great that I can tell someone. Even if that person doesn't want to share your fetish, you will breathe easy knowing that your loved one approves.

    As sort of a rally-cry, I urge the Diaper Lovers and ABies who read this to talk about your love for diapers. If you have a boyfriend or girlfriend, tell them! If you have never joined an online community, do it! Even if you already have a friend who's in-the-know, go out and make a new friend and spread the love. The more AB/DL people in contact with each other, the happier we will all be.

    Your comments, stories, and questions will be much appreciated as this is my first new thread post here.
    ~Brandon <3

  2. #2

    Default Honesty is the Best Policy: Don't be embarrassed of your diapers!

    Already told my girlfriend. She made it quite clear she'd rather I not wear around her but I can do what I want otherwise.

    I'm ok with that. It's my fetish, not hers.

  3. #3


    i really do applaud you courage here but unfortunately, things aren't always that simple. I definitely agree that we should be telling our boyfriend/girlfriend/lover as it can only strength the relationship but doing that isn't just a matter of going forth and explaining everything. Not to mention that what happens if you really do love the person you tell but they dont approve of you wearing diapers? or they feel that you are more in love with your diapers then with them? Telling can be a great way to help your lover get to know you better and understand you a little bit more and this is something i think is great. it definitely strengths relationships. However, there is a flip side to this coin as i am sure there are people that have told a significant other and they havent approved or have left them. This is always a risk that you run and it is this reason that a lot of people dont tell.

    This doesnt mean that we are embarrassed about it (although for some people who havent come to fully accept ab/dlism as part of there personality, they might be embarrassed about it) but it is more that we all are aware what opening up about this issue can do. As they say, when you open your intimate side to another person, you always run the risk of getting hurt or judged. This is no different for AB/dlism. Like i said, i am really glad that you told your partner and i think it is great to see that your relationship is moving forward with both of you accepting this quirk. But like i said before, there are people that have scars from telling their significant other.

    Personally, i havent told my boyfriend yet purely because i am not comfortable with him knowing about it yet. This is based on personal experience. I told my previous partner about it and he was ok with it in the beginning but things soon ended between us because of the fact that he could not accept it as part of me. Although, i will admit that we both decided to end the relationship (he decided to end it because he didnt want me to suppress who i was to keep our relationship going and i decided to end it because i didnt want to put him through the fact that he would have issues with it). realistically, it was the best thing for me to do in that situation because it meant that i could be who i was and not hide it and he could go on and now worry about hiding his opinions of it. There werent any nasty words about it (thankfully for me) and i still talk to my ex, but we realised it was the smartest move for us before things got to the point where we might have been upset at each other.

    The reason why i havent told my current partner is because i am still not really sure how well he will accept it. I have a good indication that he will be ok with it but the fact that it caused the end of my previous relationship is on the back of my mind.

    Be aware, im only telling my experience purely to show how i have my opinion. If people feel that they should tell their significant other and that they know it wont hurt their relationship, then i think that they should. But if you have questions about what they might say, i would suggest some caution and to think about what might happen.

  4. #4


    Zeek61, I understand completely and I'm glad you shared your experience. I suppose now that I've had time to reflect and read your reply that I've realized some more things. One is that I am inherently one of those types of people who's simply not quick to feel persecuted by people's average judgements, particularly about my tastes and likes. Frankly I don't care what people think of me and I know that can sound coarse, but I don't mean it that way.
    Also, I have had some pretty awful experiences with friends and family "finding me out". I remember being caught a couple of times, once by my father, and feeling extremely embarrassed; so much that I hid it for a year or more. However in the end, I find it is much better to take the guilt out of the guilty pleasure, even if it means losing someone.
    As you mentioned people who haven't accepted AB/DL as part of their personality, I thought about how; when someone really loves you, you want them to love you for everything you are. Thus, if diapers are a significant part of your life, then I believe your lover (especially) should accept it. It all depends on many different things, as you well-put it. Thanks for reading and discussing!

  5. #5


    Let me start by pointing out that this is a really good thread, brandonwears. What a great way to jump right in and begin posting again.

    Let me also say that I agree with you. For people in a committed relationship who need to be honest with each other, revealing fetish interests is pretty important. I can't imagine getting to the point of engagement without my partner knowing diapers are a sexual kink for me. I'm glad you're pointing out that honesty can pay off. If two people truly love each other, then its reasonable to assume that they'll have a certain level of understanding. If they didn't, why be with them? A relationship like that isn't worthwhile. Plus, compared to other sexual interests, a diaper fetish is pretty harmless. I'd imagine its one of the more common fetishes, too.

    And relevant to this, I should mention...

    I loved reading the "Savage Love" columns in the Seattle Stranger over the summer, and from time to time, I'd read about these type of secrets ruining relationships down the road. So I think, in the long term, honesty is the best policy.

  6. #6


    I think the best idea is do your research before coming out. Alot of people got hurt doing it. Others it was ok.

  7. #7


    brandonwears, you make so many excellent points about sexual shame in our culture and the fear of being judged by others. I thought that was totally spot on because that has been such a huge part of my experience of being DL. I have gotten over my own internal shame, but the fear of what others think has been a sticking point for me. The thing that I want to say to you is that sometimes the fears we have about telling other people are totally rational. There are so many things that can go wrong. People DO judge in our society. They judge harshly. It totally sucks to be judged by the person you tell. However, and think that this is what you were trying to get to, I don't think the fear of that judgement is reason enough to keep it a secret. I totally agree with that part of what you were saying.

    However, there's more to the fear than that. There can be some very real and devastating consequences that we risk when we tell other people. The thing that has come up in my life is that I cannot trust my husband not to out me. And while his personal rejection would suck, it isn't what I fear most. I fear him telling others- friends, family, coworkers. You see, he had an ex girlfriend who was AB. And luckily for her, he had met her online and so she didn't know any of his friends or family, so that when he broke up with her and went blabbing, no one in her life knew (yes, this really should have been a sign that I shouldn't have dated, let alone married him. Too late for that now, unfortunately.) Then last night he "accidentally" revealed to a bunch of friends, including my cycling friends who are all guys, that I have gotten genital piercings in the past (he actually implied I still have it, but I don't. Not really the point though.) That was my information to share, but he shared it with the whole group! He outed me for something that isn't that big of a deal to me by comparison do diapers, but he still couldn't figure out how to not share sexual information about me with the group. So if I were to tell him I am DL (which I didn't realize until a long way into our marriage. I wasn't keeping it a secret on purpose) I would be terrified of the real life consequence of being outed. And being outed is no small deal when it can cost friendships, family relations, and a career.

    So yes, you make excellent points, but even if we get rid of our sexual shame, we're still left with a bit of a dilemma because there are real life consequences if the person we tell decides to out us.

  8. #8


    Quote Originally Posted by Falkio View Post
    Let me start by pointing out that this is a really good thread, brandonwears. What a great way to jump right in and begin posting again.

    Let me also say that I agree with you. For people in a committed relationship who need to be honest with each other, revealing fetish interests is pretty important. I can't imagine getting to the point of engagement without my partner knowing diapers are a sexual kink for me. I'm glad you're pointing out that honesty can pay off. If two people truly love each other, then its reasonable to assume that they'll have a certain level of understanding. If they didn't, why be with them? A relationship like that isn't worthwhile...
    Yes, regrettably I stopped posting on the forums because I haven't had much personal time. However I'm glad to report I fixed that problem! I find I'm a lot happier when I can both visit and talk about diapers with the scores of others who love them too.

    As a note to CycleChick and Falkio,

    As a final note, It's really just my style to be up-front and quite free of shame in many ways pertaining to my diapers. On the other hand I completely understand the "dangers" of this attitude. Personally I've lost a few friends and girlfriends from being too upfront about all sorts of things; not only diapers but anything that's a cultural taboo. It's interesting you mentioned piercings CycleChick, because body-mods are another big taboo. Of course a genital piercing is not as embarrassing as a diaper, but still, it really sucks somtimes (pardon my straightforward language) having to deal with people's harsh opinions, taboos, standards, etc..

    What I hoped readers would NOT take away from my post, is go out and tell everybody you know that you love to wear diapers; a fantastically bad idea!!! ..What I hope is for the Diaper Lovers reading this who have loved ones that they see on a daily basis, particularly ones that would probably care to know, to maybe drop a hint now and again to loosen the tension in your mind.

    Living in a world with so many cultural taboos as ours and being a D.L. or A.B. can be very psychologically draining. Keeping this big secret to yourself is hard, especially because your behavior doesn't hurt you or anyone else. The only thing that hurts is the secrecy and the longing to be accepted. So if we DL's and all other types of people that society labels "weird" or "freakish" can gain even a little acceptance, then we will be much happier. Of course, that's why I'm here on this forum!

    A sincere thanks to all of you who took the time to read my post. I was intrigued by your replies. It's always good to think about (and listen to) both sides of the story. Spread love and acceptance! ~Bran.

    - - - Updated - - -

    - - - Updated - - -

    *I meant to elaborate on CycleChick's statement about missing out on life opportunities such as a career because of being too open about things. That is certainly a reason to keep things in the dark. Of course, as I said in my last post; by no means do I want people who read our thread here to go out and tell everyone they know about everything they love doing behind closed doors.

    After some more self-examination on this topic, I realize I'm hopelessly frustrated with some of our cultural taboos here in 2012 America. Do I wish everyone would be a DL or an AB? No..However, I wish society wouldn't be so fearful of the unknown; labeling people as psychologically unstable or even maniacal, when all we do is simply enjoy something that's different. Wearing a diaper for fun is harmless when compared to what many Americans for fun these days. It sure beats binge-drinking and drug abuse! Now there's a vice that's real problem.
    Last edited by Trevor; 09-Sep-2012 at 22:49. Reason: removing auto-merged duplicate post.

  9. #9


    First off, I've really enjoyed reading your post brandonwears. It's posts like yours that convinced me to join this community in the first place.

    What I came here to say is just that I don't think It's only the fear of being socially rejected by those people we do choose to tell. I'm sure you've also realized this, but I wanted to add that so many people struggle to even accept themselves as part of this fetish/lifestyle that they would never tell someone since they really can't even tell themselves. That's why I'm so glad sites like this are here for those people that need help accepting who they are, and knowing that all of the people on this site are going theorugh/ have gone through similar experiences is a tremendous relief. I didn't even accept myself until just last year and I've never been happier because acceptance is so important for anyone to feel loved. Also I'd just like to add that the similarities between coming out as an *B/DL or as, say, a homosexual are very similar in the eyes of modern day American society. So, while I completely agree with you I just think people should be aware that there are therapists who specialize in coming out with all types of sexuality, so if you are crippled by fear of letting others know or just accepting yourself, help certainly exists outside of the internet. Thanks for the intellectually inspiring post!

    As always, thanks for reading!
    Last edited by BabyWriter; 09-Sep-2012 at 19:35.

  10. #10


    As others have noted, on here and in other threads, we live in a sexually conservative society that often looks on non-normative sexual practices and fetishes with fear and/or disgust. It's for this reason that many people in this--and other--fetish communities choose not to come out. I personally don't think that I could ever come out at my workplace as an AB/DL without receiving some sort tof backlash. It's doubtful that I would get fired (discrimination laws and whatnot), but my colleagues would definitely look at me in a different way. So I choose not to bring that side of my life to my workplace. When it comes to relationships, I do believe that honesty is the best policy, and I always tell my partner that I wear when our relationship begins to get serious. This has ended several relationships because my partner wasn't comfortable with the lifestyle, but that's almost a good thing. It hurts at the time, but it shows that the person wasn't really serious to begin with if they weren't going to be accepting of this part of my life. Thankfully, I'm currently in an LTR with another DL, so it's not an issue for me at the moment.

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